Hillary’s Blast Mango Embarrass with Lloyd Blankfein

New York City – (Satireworld) Ex-Secretary of Snakes Hillary Clinton’s $625,000 Wall Street paycheck came oiled with lubricants a Senate Committee Hearing heard today. “All she had to do was open her mouth,” a Deep-Throat asserted, “for those Goldman Schmux dollars to come pouring out of her orifice. Think ‘Maria Schneider meets Blankfein’s Brando’ – […]

Full Story

Bernie-bots Swear Mass Suicide If Bernie Saunders Loses Primary Election

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Mary Crumsky held her Bernie Saunders photo tightly as she watched the nightly news unfold on her black and white TV set in Spokane Washington. The news was not good for millions of Bernie-bots who have turned their life into an endless parade of hysterical politics and over-inflated idol worship.

Full Story

Iowa Governor Declares Political Pollution Emergency

Des Moines IA – (satireworld.com) Governor Terry E. Branstad (R) has declared a political pollution emergency across the Hawkeye State following the recent Iowa Caucuses for President of the United States. Prospective Republican and Democratic presidential candidates and their entourages had previously covered all of the 99 counties in town meetings and informal gatherings in […]

Full Story

Presidential Candidate Bernie Saunders Has First Bowel Movement in 20 Years

Oxford, MA – (satireworld.com) Presidential candidate Bernie Saunders (D-commie) has successfully completed his first complete ‘BM’ in over twenty years says People Magazine. In recent years Saunders had been plagued with chronic intestinal problems and has sought relief from specialists across the country but to no avail.

Full Story

Obama Readies US Women As Fighting Force… All Must Register For Draft

The Pentagon – (satireworld.com) On Thursday, Defense Ash Carter and Army Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, signed an order that officially rescinded the ban on women serving in combat. This was in part due to pressure from the White House which was eager to show that the President was upholding […]

Full Story

Empire Snake Building Under Drone Attack

Fifth Avenue, Manhattan – (Satireworld) A runaway drone crashed into the 69th floor of the iconic national historic landmark building today obliterating the world HQ of the Snakes Anonymous human frights organization, global sponsors of terror.

Full Story

Hillary Clinton’s 1968 Personal Letters to Avowed US Communist Revealed!

Chicago, IL – (satireworld.com) If radical-leftist ex-community organizer Barack Obama is Chicago’s favorite son, then Chicago-born Hillary Clinton must be the favorite daughter of the windy city’s most socialist elite.

Full Story

The White–Supremacist-Neoliberal-Capitalist-Cultural-Imperialist-Patriarchy is Persecuting Cologne ‘Rapists!’  (Part 2)

Cologne, Germany (satireworld.com)  Women should be free to celebrate however they like on New Year’s Eve. Oh, here we go! This shit is barely even worth refuting. Look, you may talk about ‘freedom of dancing, freedom of singing, freedom of whatever,’ but let me tell you something, you hateful bigot. Freedom of speech demands accountability; hate […]

Full Story

The White–Supremacist-Neoliberal-Capitalist-Cultural-Imperialist-Patriarchy is Persecuting Cologne ‘Rapists!’ (Part 1)

Birmingham, UK – (satireworld.com) Lyndon B. C. Neville, notable  undergraduate student activist of the Islington Intellectual Day-Care Centre Scientific Liberation and Post-Scientific Fashionable Claptrap Think Tank (IIDCCSLAPSFCTT for short!) has recently unleashed a fiery polemic denouncing the ‘creeping feminists,’ ‘creeping anti-rape apologists,’ and ‘Islamophobic bigots’ (insofar as there’s a difference!) who are currently singling out […]

Full Story

New Hampshire Governor Declares State of Emergency

CONCORD, NH – (satireworld.com) Maggie Hassan, governor of New Hampshire, has issued a state of emergency for the entire state of New Hampshire. The governor said the state has become saturated with political ads, with reports of some needing to be rescued from said ads. 9-1-1 operators say calls are coming in from people screaming […]

Full Story

Catherine Zika Jones denies sex fling with Brazilian mosquito

Hollywood, Ca – (Satireworld.com) Pubic health officials are looking into reports that the Zika virus scare story pandemic has been sexually transmitted during intercourse with the Welsh movie star, mostly via exposure to gnat semen.

Full Story

Strange Political Things Are Happening

Washington DC-(satireworld.com) Rumors are rampant about a possible Democratic primary challenge to Democratic National Committee (DNC) chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL), a six-term Florida Representative. Debbie has squelched this rumor by stating she is not running in 2016 and is finally retiring from politics.

Full Story

The NYCTP Has Been Activated

New York NY – (satireworld.com) Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio has announced that “Donald Trump will not receive any more construction contracts from New York City (NYC) because of his “criminal thoughts!” Some possible thoughts that provoked this blather from (communist or crazy) Bill de Blasio, e.g. Trumps stand on crime, Muslims, illegal immigration, the […]

Full Story

Are You A Gullible Media Lapdog Who Believes Everything You Read? Take Our Quiz!

The SatireWorld Political Quiz The rules are simple. We will give you a quote and you have to guess what great American said it. Your four choices are President Barack Obama, Ex-President George W. Bush, former Vice President Dan Quayle, or former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Good Luck…

Full Story

Brazilian head-shrinking virus pandemic: A Psychiatrist explains

Copacabana Bitch, Brazil – (Satireworld.com) Oh, the angst of it all. Are scores of third trimester women’s Landing Strip brazilians really behind a babies’ PTSD pandemic? Alongside brain size defects from some bug-borne anaphylactic schmuck?

Full Story

HUD’s Determination of Who Lives Where

Washington DC _ (satireworld.com) The US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) has come up with a new set of rules that allows changing local zoning laws. HUD’s bureaucrats in Washington DC will statistically determine when a given wealthy (white) residential area in the USA does not have an adequate diversity of African Americans […]

Full Story

More Partial Nude Photos Of Hillary Revealed In Latest Iowa Email Scandal

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) The celebrity iCloud hacker seems to have struck again. This time releasing more humiliating photos of democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, age 69, showing her dressed semi-nude and in very provocative clothing.

Full Story

Megyn Kelly Won’t Confirm if She and Michael Moore Are Dating

NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com) Sparks flew last night between Fox News’s anchorbabe, and Donald Trump Kryptonite, Megyn Kelly, and smooth talking, liberal lady’s man Michael Moore. The four hundred-plus pound Moore has a long history of sweeping famous women off their feet, from Nancy Pelosi to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Full Story

Feeling Guilty, Academy Adds Several Late Entries to Oscar Noms

HOLLYWOOD – (satireworld.com) All the controversy surrounding the lack of diversity in the Oscar acting nominations for the second year in a row has caused voters in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to make a couple of last minute changes.

Full Story

Winter Storm Jonas: God’s Wrath For All-White Oscar Nominations

NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com) According to Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, the giant snowstorm named Jonas that is pounding the East Coast this weekend is God’s punishment for the snub of black artists for this years Oscars by the voters from what he called the Motion Picture Academy of Arts & Racists.

Full Story

Surgeons Tackle Hillary’s OPEC Tramp Stamp

New York – (satireworld.com) An Obamacare asshole screening initiative to clean up prospective presidential candidates has seen an ugly butt tatt removed from Hillary Clinton’s saggy derriere according to Our Man Behind The Speculum.

Full Story

Ex-Nazi Convicted of 29,999 Murders Says He’s Angry…Just One More And He would’ve Received A Free Set Of Waffen SS Dinnerware

Poland-(satireworld.com) Former Ukrainian concentration camp guard John Demjanjuk’s trial began today for murders committed while he served as a Waffen SS Nazi death camp guard in German occupied Russia. He was finally arrested for lying on a citizenship application and entering the US illegally immediately after the end of WWII. In early 2001 he was […]

Full Story

Obama’s 7 Deadly Sins (Posted on January 13, 2016 by John Myers, Personal Liberty Digest)

There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. “Good pride” represents our dignity and self-respect. “Bad pride” is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance. — John C. Maxwell, American author

Full Story

US Navy’s First Nuclear Powered Submarine Aircraft Carrier Completes Sea Trials

The Pentagon – (satireworld.com) The nuclear-powered USS Grover Cleveland recently left the shipyards at Portsmouth and completed an exhaustive four month series of naval sea trials in the North Atlantic Ocean. The Cleveland, which is as long as the Empire State Building is tall, completed the submerged portion of the trials where the aircraft carrier […]

Full Story

North Korea’s New Energy Source Identified

Seoul SK – (satireworld.com) North Korea claims to have tested a hydrogen bomb, but the hermit kingdom has once again gotten the world’s attention with some device that makes a large bang in the night. There is a raging dispute among nuclear scientists as to whether Pyongyang is technically that far advanced in weapons development, […]

Full Story

‘El Chapo’ Using Affluenza Excuse to Fight Extradition to US

MEXICO – (satireworld.com) Mexican authorities are dealing with an outbreak of affluenza in their country. Recently, American Ethan Couch, who used an affluenza defense to get off easy after killing four people while driving drunk, was discovered hiding here. Now, the world’s biggest drug cartel leader, widely known as “El Chapo” Guzman, is attempting to […]

Full Story

US Navy Cancels Procurement of SSN 800 USS Barack Obama

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The Under-Secretary of the US Navy for Procurement and Construction announced that SSN-800, which is currently an unnamed Virginia-class, nuclear powered attack submarine ordered on April 28, 2014 will be named USS Barack Obama. The building shipyard is to be Newport News Shipbuilding, Newport News Virginia. This nuclear attack boat is […]

Full Story

Obama Pulls Muscles, Tears Tendon in Gun Move

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com) White House doctors have confirmed that President Obama strained several muscles in his arms today, and even tore a tendon in his shoulder area, while overreaching in putting together his newest gun control executive orders. The president has been ordered to rest his skinny arms and reduce the movement of his […]

Full Story

Obama Cancels His Last SOTU Address

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) President Barack Obama planned to keep an empty seat next to First Lady Michelle Obama during his final State of the Union (SOTU) address to the nation, to symbolically represent victims of gun violence.

Full Story
SatireWorld Editorial Corner

Turdblossom's Advice Column
  • A Second Poll Shows Americans OPPOSE Assault Weapons Ban for First Time Ever
  • New York City – (satireworld.com) Wow! Times they are a-changing! A second national poll from a major media outlet in the past week has found a majority of Americans now oppose a ban on so-called assault weapons even after the New York Times published an editorial on its front page supporting a ban and tougher […]



POLITICS
  • Hillary’s Blast Mango Embarrass with Lloyd Blankfein
  • New York City – (Satireworld) Ex-Secretary of Snakes Hillary Clinton’s $625,000 Wall Street paycheck came oiled with lubricants a Senate Committee Hearing heard today. “All she had to do was open her mouth,” a Deep-Throat asserted, “for those Goldman Schmux dollars to come pouring out of her orifice. Think ‘Maria Schneider meets Blankfein’s Brando’ – […]



BUSINESS


ENTERTAINMENT


MAGAZINE
  • A Second Poll Shows Americans OPPOSE Assault Weapons Ban for First Time Ever
  • New York City – (satireworld.com) Wow! Times they are a-changing! A second national poll from a major media outlet in the past week has found a majority of Americans now oppose a ban on so-called assault weapons even after the New York Times published an editorial on its front page supporting a ban and tougher […]



SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY
  • Presidential Candidate Bernie Saunders Has First Bowel Movement in 20 Years
  • Oxford, MA – (satireworld.com) Presidential candidate Bernie Saunders (D-commie) has successfully completed his first complete ‘BM’ in over twenty years says People Magazine. In recent years Saunders had been plagued with chronic intestinal problems and has sought relief from specialists across the country but to no avail.



SPORTS
  • Peyton Manning Tests Positive For Papa John’s Pizza Sauce
  • DENVER – (satireworld.com) Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.



UK NEWS
  • The Religious Food Police Have Arrived
  • London UK – (satireworld.com) You knew it was coming, as the United Kingdom (UK) has again succumbed to “political correctness” with respect to Muslim Immigrants. The nation that defiantly stood alone against the NAZI’s at the beginning of WWII may ban Ham Sandwiches, Bangers and Sausage Rolls from office kitchens for being “offensive!”



US NEWS


WORLD NEWS


HEADLINES OF THE DAY


LEAD STORIES