Archive for February, 2011

Vending Machine Product Confuses And Humilates Sight Impaired Man

Seattle, OR-(SatireWorld.com) For the past two years Thaddeus Mellon put off visiting the optometrist and simply worked around his failing sight. Friends made excuses, and his wife read everything to him preventing him from using the wrong ingredients, or from taking his medications by mistake.

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Government Scientists Discover Hillary Clinton’s Libido

Los Alamos, NM-(SatireWorld.com) Libido, a Freudian term for sexual urges or desires, was once not included within a description of Hillary Clinton's personality. Usually more business-like than pleasure seeking, the source of Hillary's sex drive has eluded science since 1978.

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Eat-a-Turd For Mohammed Day A Big Success With Taliban in Tribal Afghanistan

Helmand Province, Afghanistan – (SatireWorld.com) In the remote tribal areas of eatern Afghanistan the Taliban declared today as the official "Eat A Turd For Mohammed Day." Swarming into remote mountain villages the armed Taliban forced villagers at gunpoint to eat their own crap in order to show their"true submission to Mohammed"….said Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman […]

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Nigella Lawson Brassiere Fire Shuts Down Show

London, UK-(SatireWorld.com) During a recent Nigella Lawson cooking show, an otherwise normal event went awry causing London’s firefighters to be called to the show’s set when a blaze threatened the life of the show’s host, Nigella Lawson.

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Physicians To Man All Airport Security Screeners In Effort To Curb Healthcare Problems

The White House-(SatireWorld.com) In an effort to save money, increase security, and to improve upon the nation’s struggling healthcare system, the Obama administration initiated a program to basically kill two birds with one stone. Starting in June, the TSA will employ 35,000 fully certified radiologists who will man all airport security screening devices.

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Ron Reagan Shouts From Heaven…”Hey Obama…”It’s the shores of Tripoli!”

Heaven-(SatireWorld.com) A heavenly, but familiar voice spoke from the clouds over the White House jarring a sleeping Barack Obama. “Hey! Barack! It’s me Ron Reagan. Wake up you dolt. People are looking for democracy and dying in Libya and you’re worrying about unionism in Wisconsin.”

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Caught In The Act! Paris Hilton And Senator Al Franken In Sleazy Flap

Paris, France-(SatireWorld.com) The Paris Hilton admitted today that it had royaly screwed Senator Al Fraken the last the Minnesota Senator visited the French capitol.

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Visiting Senior Citizen Arrested After Bus Groping Incident

Branson, MO-(SatireWorld.com) A senior citizen bus trip from the Pleasant Sunsets Senior home in Springfield, IL to Branson, a popular tourist mecca in SW Missouri, caused some trouble for the retirees and a run in with the law as well.

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Obama Appoints Stymie And Buckwheat As Ambassadors To Kenya

The White House-(SatireWorld.com) The White House press secretary announced today that actors Stymie and Buckwheat were appointed by the president last week as the new ambassadors to the African nation of Kenya. Stymie, age 87, and Buckwheat, age unknown, presented their State Department credentials to the senior ambassador of Kenya in a televised celebration broadcast […]

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Boy Who Received Real Victoria Secret Model For Christmas Upset Over Where To Place The Batteries

Buffalo, NY-(SatireWorld.com) Melvin Skoobski jr seems the normal 13 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories. Most would say he was a normal kid with a big imagination and he certainly had enough friends to keep him company…But that all changed on Christmas day when he was 'one […]

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AMA Issues Warning About Cucumber Dangers In San Francisco. Farmers Threaten Strike!

San Francisco, CA- (SatireWorld.com) – Just when medical authorities thought they had the AIDS epidemic under control in this liberal bastion of vegetarian recyclers and 40 something confused virgin dogmatic loners, the social disease has reared it’s ugly head yet again!

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PETA Accuses The ‘Daily Show’ Of Camel Abuse. Jon Stewarts Defends The Show Saying “I Don’t Smoke!”

Television City-(satireworld.com) Reports surfaced today that PETA is investigating an instance of animal cruelty observed during a taping of a Daily Show segment where a camel was forced to perform on an ice covered street. The segment reportedly was to explain to viewers about ‘Camel-Toes’ and how they excite some men.

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Berlusconi Ignores “Bunga Bunga” Outcry, Frees Amanda Knox for Some “Bunga Bunga!”

Rome, Italy-(satireworld.com) Yet Another F-ing Affair – This EU country was turned on it’s collective head today, when President Silvio Berlusconi, under indictment for underage sex, freed convicted murderess Amanda Knox, granted her a full pardon after a secret meeting, and appointed her to a personal ministerial position.

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Obama Set to Lose Unions as Base, Scientists Say California Next Following New Zealand Catastrophe!

Los Angeles,Ca/ Doomsday News -(satireworld.com) In yet another apocalyptic scenario, the History Channel reported last night that after the earthquake in New Zealand, the end is near for most of California and the nation’s butt crack is doomed to slide off into the pacific.

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Ronald Reagan Library Unveils Unseen Photo Of ‘The Gipper’ Holding Joe Biden As An Infant

Simi Valley, CA-(satireworld.com) The Ronald Reagan Library released previously unseen photos of a young Ronald Reagan holding an infant who’s no other than baby Joe Biden, the future vice-president of the United States.

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Rahm Enamuel Wins Chicago Mayor’s Race…Offers Muammar Ghaddafi Sanctuary And Tent Space In Grant Park

Chicago, Il-(satireworld.com) With 90% of all precincts reporting and almost 75% of all graveyards inhabitants counted, election officials gave candidate Rahm Emanuel the nod as the mayor-elect of Chicago.

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Singer Justin Beiber In Hair Loss Drama

Beiber admitted to freaking out his friends...

Hollywood, CA-(satireworld.com) Teen heart throb Justin Beiber has caused a ground swell of concern around the world from his fans as photos of himself have popped up on various websites showing the young crooner as bald as a porcelin plate.

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Rosie And Gal-Pal Call It Quits After One Year

Los Angeles, CA-(satireworld.com) Rosie O’Donnell has ended her relationship with Tracy Kachtick-Anders, her girlfriend of over a year.The former controversial ‘View’ co-host, began her relationship with Kachtick-Anders in December 2009. Kachtick-Anders has 6 children.

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Teachers’ Unions: Why the Best and Brightest Are Fleeing Education and Your Kids Are Dumber than a STUMP!

Madison, WI-(satireworld.com) Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker ratcheted up pressure on the state’s AWOL teachers saying before they can return to the classroom, they will be forced to take an IQ test to prove they can find their ass with both hands.

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FDA Issues Warning To All Liberal Democrats

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) Researchers at the prestigious Georgia-Pacific School of Fiber Studies have concluded an 11 year project where the use of fibroid materials for personal hygiene was studied.

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Prince William Tweets: Can’t Wait Till I’m Married So I Can Cheat Like My Da!

Balmoral Castle-(satireworld.com) Prince William is at the center of yet another Royal controversy as a recent tweet to a mate has been released to the public and is sweeping London causing more embarrassment to the Royal Family just months prior to his wedding!

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Suicide Bombers get Big Surprise – Not all Virgins in Heaven are Young…or even Women

Tehran, Iran-(satireworld.com) Suicide bombers around the globe woke up with a real big surprise today. No, it wasn't the sound of their vests exploding, but it was just as startling for them considering the ramifications.

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Faulty Accordion Ruins Polish Women’s Concert Win. Files Lawsuit.

Warsaw, Poland-(satireworld.com) Jurors in the famous accordion lawsuit case rendered a surprise decision when they found for the plaintiff in a 700,000,000 Zloty lawsuit against one of the area's largest employers.

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Is Actress Megan Fox As Bright As A Box Of Rocks?

Universal Studios, CA-(satireworld.com) The seasoned crew of the Transformer's movies 1 and 2 have worked with director Michael Bay for many years, and once they heard about the bashing that co-star Megan Fox was giving Bay, they had to speak out. In fact, they wrote a letter giving Bay their total support and dissing Fox.

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Mount Rushmore Expansion Opens To Public Today

Visit Mt. Backside and see if YOU can you guess the presidents?

National Park Service Bulletin-(satireworld.com) The Department of the Interior has rolled out a big celebration today as they officiate the opening of America’s first new national park in almost 40 years. In recent years budget shortfalls have curtailed expansions and inclusions into the vast national park service, but a recent endowment allowed the Park Service […]

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Obama’s Slippery Slope Continues: Moochelle Shuts Down Vail to Celebrate “HIS” Day!

Vail, CO-(satireworld.com) Offering yet another death blow to the American Economy, Michelle Obama’s President’s Day visit to Vail caused the resort to shut all three of its runs for security, leaving one open for Michelle & Friends to go ‘Tubing’ down the Bunny Tail without running into people who were actually on skis.

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Egyptian Government Plans New Pyramid Construction To Ease Vast Unemployment Problem

Cairo, Egypt-(satireworld.com) Egyptian authorities have begun the process of building the fourth Pyramid of Giza in order to aleviate the severe unemployment problem that has plagued the country since 5,000 BC. Labor sources have related that up to 4 million laborers will be needed to haul cut stone from the ancient quarry located 30 miles […]

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Queen says,”Make My Day’ Over Royal Wedding Invitation Flap

Buckingham Palace-(satireworld.com) In recent days coveted Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding invitations have been sent to digitaries, royal family members, and elite celebrities around the globe, but one family member, Sarah Ferguson, the Dutchess of York was puposely left off the list.

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Napolitano & 82nd Airborne to Jump Into Acapulco to Prove “Mexico is Perfectly Safe to Visit!”

Fort Bragg, NC-(satireworld.com) Despite news reports of Mexico’s 30,327th violent murder linked to government sponsored drug activity, Obama says travel is not restricted, and urges spring breakers to continue with plans to “go have a good time, get drunk, get laid….our youth need to lose their heads occasionally!”

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Goal Of 100% Unemployment Reached Claims Administration Spokesperson

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Brent Farley was blind-sided today when he walked into work and found a pink slip in his locker. After 23 years as an assemblyman at the truck plant in Dearborn Michigan, he never expected to be the last man left working in America, and now, finally, the last man laid off.

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