Archive for July, 2011

Obama’s New Car Co: Rubber Band Motors (RBM) Set to Debut!

Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com) In a two part announcement sure to impact on the American economy, President Barry Obama first shocked the US automotive world with his new edict demanding all auto manufactures produce fleet economies of 54.1 MPH by 2025, up from the current 27.5 MPG.

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United States Mint Police Nail Down 33 Liberty Street Front Door As Obama Eyes Nation’s Bullion Stash!

New York – (SatireWorld.com) Distinct sounds of chiseling close to the world’s wealthiest city block have been detected by FBI sonar this weekend. The fortress guarding America’s five trillion dollars’ worth of gold and platinum is embedded in Manhattan’s tectonic plate-defying granite bedrock.

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Comic Bill Maher Traces Family Lineage Back To Gay Neanderthals

New York City, NY – (SatireWorld.com) His royal smugness, comic Bill Maher, a staple for the weak-willed who regularly view his HBO show and are thankful for an un-interrupted hour to rub their crotches, has come out and revealed his ancestors were homosexual oriented Neanderthals, not pre-modern heterosexual Cro-Magnons who science believes were the precursor […]

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Shared Sacrifice Begorrah! Obama Heads for ‘Black Irish” Reunion and Fundraiser on Martha’s Vineyard

Martha’s Vineyard, MA – (SatireWorld.com) President Barry O’Bama is said to be excited over Boston Irish plans to host a ‘big homecoming’ for their prodigal son as he returns to Martha’s Vineyard for the third consecutive August ‘family’ vacation.

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No Child Left Behind or With Teeth: Meth Lab Shut Down at Votech School!

Charleston, WV – (SatireWorld.com) Police and K-9 units shut down a Charleston, W. Va industrial arts school after discovering that students, teachers, and the head administrator were running a pharmaceutical lab producing high grade Methamphetamine, (Meth.)

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WOW! Wacky Wu to Step Down. Pelosi,”He’s Nutz, But We Need his Vote!”

House Chambers – (SatireWorld.com) The Democrats in charge of the asylum today welcomed Congressman David Wu’s resignation but said he couldn’t leave until he cast his vote on the impending debt crisis amendment.

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School Project Nets Big Bucks For 7th Graders

Bergenville, New Jersey – (SatireWorld.com) In Bergenville New Jersey, kids filed back into class. It was Monday morning at Bergenville Middle School and 7th graders were eager to share their weekend experiences. They were very excited, since their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Veteran teacher Miss Rosa […]

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Woe is Dem: Weiner, Wrangle, Wasserman, Waters and Now Wu! WTF?

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) “It’s Weally, Weally Woeful,” said lisping congressman Barney Frank, (D,Gay,MA) discussing the democrats latest Wrinkle involving sexual harassment charges against David Wu, (D OR).

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Obama To Give Away Grand Canyon As Payment For Chinese Debt

Washington, DC (SatireWorld.com) In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking national debt relief, and a hopeful boost for the Democratic Presidential election campaign, Barack Obama instructed Treasury officials to initiate a sweeping step by step plan to eliminate the nation’s looming debt payments held by foreign governments, namely China.

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Surgeon General: Bachmann’s Headaches OK, Obama’s Bed Wetting Not OK!

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Surgeon General of the US was forced to confirm rumours that Obama has a ‘slight incontinence problem” after recent attacks by Liberals claimed that Senator Michele Bachmann suffers from ‘debilitating migraine’ headaches making her ‘unfit’ to seek the position of President which fired up a fierce backlash.

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Osama Bin Laden’s Bunny Slippers Make Their Way To eBay

Islamisbad, Pakistan – (SatireWorld.com) According to SatireWorld reporter Walter Bucket, a more complete story of the rercent Al-Qeada raid that killed Osama Bin Laden is coming to light after an unusual item has made its way onto the popular auction site eBay.

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Stephen Hawking’s String Vest Theory Really Wowed Obama

Washington,DC – (SatireWorld.com) The mystery of the August 2009 award of the Presidential Medal of Thiefdom to Brit chancer Prof Stephen Hawking came close to unraveling this weekend.

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Kinky Friedman to Front Allen West Benefit Concert to Parody Wasserman-Schultz!

Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, the iconic country music group from the tumbleweed state will be reprising some of their most infamous, and hilarious hits in an upcoming rally for Florida Congressman Allen West as the backlash against Debbie Wasserman Schultz rolls on!

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TSA Employee Fired After Releasing Airport X-ray Image Of Boss Janet Napolitano

Chicago, Illinois (SatireWorld.com) Saturday was a bad day for TSA employee Melvin Wasserman-Schultz after he inadvertently released over the internet a photo of his boss Janet Napolitano undergoing a routine body scan at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.

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China Threatens To File Suit Against Individual US Taxpayers In The Event Of A Default

Beijing, China (SatireWorld.com) The Minister of Chinese Finance has issued a dire warning if the US defaults on the one trillion dollar debt owed the Chinese government. According Minister Won Hung Lo, the Chinese government will press civil litigation against each US citizen to regain it’s outstanding debt.

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“Captain America” Biggest threat to Democrats says Wasserman Schultz and Napolitano!

DNC National Headquarters (SatireWorld.com) Shortly after declaring white, middle class, working Americans to be a bigger threat than bomb clad muslims riding prayer rugs across the porous western borders, Big Sis says the recent Block Buster Summer film “Captain America” is distorting American values as well!

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Polygamous Same Sex Marriage Rites Mooted Under DOMA Repeal

Washington,DC – (SatireWorld.com) A Senate Judiciary Committee is to hear LGBT legal arguments about recognition of plural wedlock traditions in non-hetero communities.

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“Never Again!” Conservative Jewish Voters In Florida Now Back Allen West After DWS Meltdown!

Miami, Florida – (SatireWorld.com) Conservative Jewish Voters in Florida are now saying they’ve had enough of Debbie Wasserman Schultz,(DWS)(D) the extreme liberal congressperson from Broward County after her back stabbing of African American Republican Congressman Allen West during floor time in Congress involving false allegations and distortions concerning the government entitlements Medicare and Medicaid.

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‘Young Turks’ Progressive Cenk Uygur Canned From MSNBC For Being A Bunghole

MSNBC Studios – (SatireWorld.com) Progressive and full time nitwit, the Young Turks founder Cenk Uygur came into work at radio MSNBC expecting to start his daily job as anchor, but instead found his clothes, lunch box, and camel porno collection in a pile by the back door. Serving as primetime anchor for less than six […]

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“Bunga-Bunga!” Obama Sells Chrysler to Italy’s Fiat; Taxpayers Screwed for $1.3B!

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Calling it a ‘major accomplishment” an Obama Treasury Department official hailed today’s sale of the remaining shares of Chrysler to Italy’s Fiat despite the fact the taxpaying public were shorted over $1.3 Billion in TARP money wasted on the marginal car company.

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Casey Anthony Reportedly Hooking Up With Joran Van Der Sloot

Aruba (SatireWorld.com) Jailed murder suspect Joran Van Der Sloot who is in prison for the suspected murder of a Peruvian woman, and a suspect in the disappearance of an American tourist, Natalie Holloway, has reportedly sent love letters to Casey Anthony while she was in an Orlando, Florida jail cell. According to jail officials, Anthony […]

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DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Called a Nitwit By Fellow Congressman

Washington, DC- (SatireWorld.com) Congresswoman Debbie Wassertman-Schultz (D-FL)has again put her size eleven clodhopper in her mouth after she falsely accused Republican Allen West(R-FL) of attempting to ruin Medicare by trying to balance the budget screwed up by President Barack Obama and addressing the National Debt ceiling. Wasserman-Schultz who believes that government should redistribute all wealth, […]

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Fore! Elin Nordegren Tees off On New Boy Toy After Finding He Putted Around with Rachel Uchitel!

Orlando, Florida (SatireWorld.com) Reports are coming out of Orlando, Florida that Tiger Wood’s former wife, Swedish Sex Siren Elin Nordegren, 36, is once again part of a threesome, and not on the links at Arnold Palmer’s Bay Hill’s prestige course!

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Rebekah Brooks Hires Jose Baez, Joins Casey Anthony in Hiding after Parliament Grilling

London, England – (SatireWorld.com) Rebekuh Brooks, former News of the World secretary, elevated to Editor of the Rupert Murdoch News Empire, testified before the House of Commons today addressing members of the Committee on Culture (sic), Media and Sports regarding revelations of phone hacking and high level hob knobbing which is threatening to bring down […]

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Huffington Post To Buy Fox News!

Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) After several national investigations into the News Corp organization headed by billionaire Rupert Murdock, justices ordered the immediate break-up of the giant media conglomerant. First bidder was Huffington Post/AOL which won the coveted number one cable news company, FOX News as other bidders dropped out.

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Carole Burnett Says Rebekah Brooks is a “Ginger B***ch!”

Hemstead, NY – (SatireWorld.com) US comedy star Carol Burnett is furious over the UK scandal involving former News of the World editor (sic) Rebekah Brooks, saying the unkempt redhead is bringing disrepute to the small minority of redheaded women seen favourably in the public eye.

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Darren Clarke Wins British Open, Refuses to Take Breathalyzer!

Forty-two year old Irishman Darren Clarke, who is said to fancy a pint now and then as well as a good cigar, waltzed home at 5 under par to taken home the Claret Jug at Royal St. George at Sandwich!

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China Calls Mortgage on White House; Blames Binging First Family’s Reckless Credit Card Spending!

Beijing, China – (SatireWorld.com) The Peoples Bank of China (PBOC), the country’s central bank, and holder of most of the US debt, today sent shock waves through the international monetary system when it called the mortgage loan on The White House, downgraded US Treasury bonds to ‘junk’ status, and raised the interest rate on the […]

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Police Cite Crime And Safety Concerns Over Latest Harry Potter Crackdown

Los Angeles, CA- (satireworld.com) Ever since the popular series of books and movies about the fictionalized character Harry Potter were released, Police have reported a steady and upward rising number of thefts and tragic accidents that have been connected to Harry Potter wannabees.

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Obama Still Apologizing To The World… And The Burger King

President Barack Obama found himself in a predicament after TV cameras caught him paying homage by bowing to of all people….the Burger King.

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