Archive for August, 2011

The Streets of Bordello Falls – (part 2)

The Streets of Bordello Falls ONCE UPON A WAGON… Pete and Re-Pete spotted it first as the wind blew ripples of sand around their hooves. In the distance, amid the distortion of rising heat and low trailing plumes of red dust, a wagon could be seen drawn by two tired mules.

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The Streets of Bordello Falls-They’re Back! (part 1)

The Streets of Bordello Falls Dried mud crackled under worn and heavy boots as two dusty figures worked their way down the arroyo. Wisps of dry clouds high above gave little shade as the Arizona sun burned their backs and parched their throats as dry as a rattlesnake’s tail.

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Captain America Loses Arm Wrestling Match With Alaskan Hooker

Skagway, Alaska – (SatireWorld.com) Satire World’s own Captain America was humiliated today after an innocent challenge went wrong in front of hundreds of Alaskan wildcaters and lumberjacks, when a simple arm wrestling match with Clara Butz, a local hooker, pummeled the suave super-hero into submission.

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Satireworld Captain America’s Skagway Red Onion Bar & Bordello suspected of hosting David Lauren/Lauren Bush wedding breakfast venue!

Alaska – (SatireWorld.com) Moose heads,  stuffed caribou genitalia and the odd polar bear cub adorn the walls of Ralph Lauren’s 17,000 acre ranch in Colorado,  scene of  this Saturday’s lavish wedding breakfast as the Two Laurens prepare to tie the knot.

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Scientists Warn ‘The Big One’ To strike West Coast In Months

Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) A report blames automobiles for the rise in tectonic activity mainly in the Pacific rim, and at various locations along the eastern seaboard of the US. Advisories have been forwarded to the US West Coast in anticipation of the ‘Big One’ which is expected to strike in the next few […]

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Lily Pond Lane couple to publish Clintons snooping dossier

East Hampton, Long Island  – (SatireWorld.com) “Anyone listing their boring-as-hell repro fireplaces as a property’s top selling feature gotta be a nouveau riche asshole punting to the Clintons,” Lily Pond Lane resident Dr Lamar Madison commented today as Tropical Storm Irene lashed the Hamptons.

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Hurricane Irene’s Hot Air Invigorates Washington Blowhards

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) After suffering a week where news stories were pointed toward a rare 5.8 magnitude earthquake in the nation’s capitol, and the subsequent blame placed upon the Bush’s Fault line, the slow passage of hurricane Irene has added inspirational relief to scores of Democratic party stalwarts who were suffering from lack of […]

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US Jet Shoots Down Iranian Fighter Over Afghanistan

Kabul, Afghanistan NATO forces confirmed today that a US Air Force F-16 shot down an Iranian fighter after it crossed over into Afghanistan air space after ignoring requests that it turn around.

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Life at Moorview Institute ……Chapter 14

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 14-The Final Chapter ‘The Good Old Days’ Moorview Institute was a blaze of lights and activity as the General Alarm forced all inmates into a general lock down mode. The recent discovery of Dr. Ward’s body, and the subsequent Springfield Police investigation, left staffers bewildered and anxious as police questioned […]

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Life At Moorview Institute….Chapter 13

Life At Moorview Institute – Chapter 13 Please, Turn Out The Lights Mel and Amos parked the van near the institute’s incinerator and took a little used door into the medical administration building. The offices were closed and just a few security lights were left on to illuminate the night watchman’s nightly journey.

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As Waves Pound New Jersey Coast MTV’s ‘Snooki’ Feared Washed Out To Sea

Snooki, who claims she can swallow a pickle whole and still breathe, is believed lost at sea.

Seaside Heights, New Jersey – (SatireWorld.com) As the vicious waves pounded the dunes and boardwalk at famous Seaside Heights, the MTV home of the cast of Jersey Shore was demolished by 24 foot waves and swept out to sea. Previously thought abandoned by an order to evacuate all low lying areas, officials conceeded that one […]

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Brits flummoxed amid conflicting high tech sex advice

London – (SatireWorld.com) UK tabloids’ matrimonial advice columns were at loggerheads today after one reported that ‘using laptops in bed can ruin your love life’ while another extolled the virtues of using the brand new ‘Duet’ flash drive that ‘doubles up as a sex toy’.

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Following Mommie’s Lead, Now Kids Clamour For Tattoos Too

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Lisa Wengler was inked three days before giving birth to Roseanne, her first-born daughter. Now, for a first birthday present, Lisa has paid for a color tattoo on infant Rose’s leg of a vine and roses starting at her calf and ending behind her knee. If it sounds familiar, you probably […]

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Life At Moorview Institute……Chapter 12

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 12 ‘Too Many Cocks Spoil The Broth’ Cook Boswell Krebbs opened the door to the kitchen and flipped on the overhead rows of bluish fluorescent lights. The steady hum of the lights warming up was the only noise in the kitchen at this early hour and he was grateful for […]

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Life At Moorview Institute……Chapter 11

Life at Moorview Institute-Chapter 11 Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 11 “Please, a pound and a half sliced thin.” Eloise Altoids trembled at the sight of blood all over her scrubs. At first, after the stabbing of patient West, she just stood there. Staring and unbelieving at what just happened. She called the ‘time’ as […]

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Bob Dylan disguise as Gaddafi tours Tripoli whistling ‘Everybody Must Get Stoned’

Tripoli – (SatireWorld.com) Satireworld writer Walter Bucket’s Colonel Gaddafi/Bob Dylan ex-po-say was vindicated today with the release of archive files from across The Pond.

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Life At Moorview Institute……Chapter 10

Life At Moorview Institute Chapter 10 Number 4…Inmate Dean West “Altoids!” Her name sounded far away, and she still smelled a strange burnt bacon-like odor. She could feel her hand being rubbed and the sudden overbearing tinge of smelling salts being waved under her nose. She struggled to open her eyes.

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Life At Moorview Institute…..Chapter 9

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 9 The Man Is Somewhat Lost In His Hat 1996-Springfield Court House: “Your honor. Now that the defense has rested, let me review the charges against the defendant one more time, so the jury fully understands the magnitude of the Administrator’s crime. If it pleases the court.”

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Life At Moorview Institute…Chapter 8

Life At Moorview Institute Chapter 8 Just A Tin Badge Luther Brightberry lay back on the couch. He had just finished a letter to Pappy’s niece who lived in Myrtle Beach. It was a hard letter to write simply because Pappy was a nice old man and telling a stranger how he died was the […]

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Life At Moorview Institute…….Chapter 7

Life At Moorview Institute Chapter 7 ‘Doc How’s About A Re-charge’ The one o’clock was right on time. Inmate Carl Strong lived up to his name. Six foot six and about 295lbs of pure muscle! His meat hook hands shook hers with all the gusto a 36 year old ex-railroad worker could muster. She took […]

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Life At Moorview Institute…..Chapter 6

Life At Moorview Institute Chapter 6 The Devil Meets Mr.Jones A frail man wearing familiar institution blue walked into the surgical waiting room. His hat was held in his hands as he nervously scanned the walls and looked for a place to make himself comfortable. “Inmate Jones? A dialysis right?” “Yes, m’am, I’m Jones.” Altoids […]

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East Coast earthquake aftershocks rattle CIA HQ

Washington AC/DC –  (SatireWorld.com) The ubiquitous ‘Did the earth move for you, darlin’?’ took on a new and unexpected meaning  shortly after 1.52pm EDT today.

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Hurricane, earthquake, Strauss-Kahn ‘acquittal’ …just how bad can it get, America?

Martha’s Vineyard – (SatireWorld.com) This evening someone’s planning to out Obama as Saif Islam Al-Gaddafi’s older half-brother and  sibling to top Brit bastards like Andy Coulson.

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Earthquake Shakes Washington, DC – Obama Blames The Bush’s Fault Line

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) A 6.1 earthquake rattled the nation’s capitol this afternoon with shock waves being felt as far north as New England. No major damages have been reported and injuries were confined to a few heart attacks from some elderly citizens.

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Life at Moorview Institute…….Chapter 5

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 5 “I love The Smell Of Chloroform In The Morning” Inmate, now patient, Belvis Pressley was gowned and wheeled into the operating theater on a flat-topped wooden gurney. The gurney was about six inches too short to accommodate the large man, so a board was added to support his feet. […]

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Life At Moorview Institute…..Chapter 4

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 4 Lie still it won’t hurt. It will just probably kill you! Eloise Altoids woke early, showered, and quickly dressed in a brand new set of surgical scrubs. She was excited because today she was designated to work alongside Dr. Ward in the Moorview Infirmary. She wasn’t a great fan […]

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Italy’s Famous Tower Of Piza Repaired By Using Italian Engineering Innovations

Piza, Italy – (SatireWorld.com) Italian engineers attempted restoring the famed Leaning Tower of Pisa, a monument renowned for its engineering imperfection. The restoration was a complicated business for the Italian government, which had to be careful to straighten up the famed tourist mecca without knocking it down.

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Life At Moorview Institute…..Chapter 3

Moorview Institute Chapter 3 The Very Strange Ways of Dr. Ward The sixth floor rooftop was deserted. Like the rest of Moorview, it too was quiet this time of night when most inmates were settled into sleep. The crunch of a bare foot on crisp leaves was the only evidence that someone was on the […]

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Opie Taylor Actually Barney Fife’s Love Child

(Reprinted from the Mayberry Gazette) Mayberry, North Carolina – (SatireWorld.com) It was revealed today that Opie Taylor, raised as the son of former Mayberry Sheriff, is actually the love child of former deputy Barney Fife and Andy’s late wife. Aunt Bee, Andy’s aunt, revealed the information on her death bed, saying “I can’t go to […]

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Life At Moorview Institute….Chapter 2

Life at Moorview Institute Chapter 2 Life is just a Bunch of Douchebags His name tag simply read Dr. Elwood T. Lipshitz, MD Psychiatrist. It was his official institutional name, but most residents simply called him Dr. Piebottom.

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