Archive for December, 2011

OWS Plans Rose Bowl Parade Protest By Forming A Human Float

Pasadena, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The Occupy Wall Street movement are finalizing plans for a scheduled invasion and disruption Jan. 2 at the Rose Parade in Pasadena. OWS announced the action in November when the weather in NYC was turning colder. The protest could bring anywhere from 400 to 40,000 protesters to the internationally televised event.

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Britain’s ‘Honor Killings’ Double As Immigrants Observe Sharia Law Over British Law

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The British system of total inclusion and acceptance of any and all immigrants has resulted in Sharia Law undermining British Law. As proof, the number of women from Britain’s most Muslim ethnic communities stepping forward to report honor-related violence has more than doubled in the past three years alone,this is according […]

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One Legged Man Sought After Daylight Footjacking of Size 12 Air Jordan!

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) Chicago police today cordoned off most of the South Side of Chicago after a daring midday armed robbery left a hapless citizen with only one of his newly ‘acquired’ Air Jordan Sneakers! Leroy Jerome Johnson, no relation to “Biggie” Johnson the rapper gunned down last week as he was in the […]

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North Koreans Shocked! Plan To Shoot Kim Jong Il’s Body To The Moon Goes Awry!

North Korea Thousands of North Korean mourners gathered to bid farewell to ‘Dear Leader’ as a huge funeral procession wound its way through the drab streets of the North Korean capitol. A distraught crowd of an estimated one million people cried openly as the 1970’s vintage Lincoln hearse slowly drove toward the De-militarized zone (DMZ) […]

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What The Hell Is This Kwanzaa Thing Anyway?

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) President Obama went on the airwaves today praising the celebration of Kwanzaa and wishing celebants a ‘happy and healthy’ Kwanzaa. I’m not sure, but the last time I looked my Kwanzaa was looking pretty healthy. So, what the hell is Kwanzaa anyway?

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Port Dover Woman Sues Las Vegas Strip Club Over Annoying Rash!

Bend Over at Port Dover – (SatireWorld.com) A woman, who can not be named for legal reasons, not to mention a Super Injunction, brought suit in a Port Dover, Canada civil court charging that what happened in Las Vegas “definitely DID NOT stay in Las Vegas!”

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Egypt Plans New Pyramid Construction In 2012

Cairo, Egypt-(satireworld.com) Egyptian authorities have begun the process of building the fourth Pyramid of Giza in order to aleviate the severe unemployment problem that has plagued the country since 5,000 BC. Various government offices hope to keep the unruly populace busy and employed. With this proposed action authorities hope to ward off any future unrest […]

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Verifying the Gender of Santa Claus

New Mexico Desert – (SatireWorld.com) In November of 1998, I received a very disturbing e-mail. It had been forwarded several times, so there was no way to point to the original author or origin. I would like to quote that e-mail in it’s entirety, and then add my own comments: He’s a She

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“It’s a Tribal Thing,” Says Michael Jordan Explaining Riots, Stabbings and Shootings over New Sneakers!

Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com) “It’s going better than expected,” said a Nike executive as the death toll over the mad rush for the new Air Jordan high top sneakers was kept under 10 after stores opened at midnight to sell the urban gang bangers favorite footwear.

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Bad Heir Day: Trump Quits Republicans, Threatens to Scuttle 2012 Elections!

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) A petulant Donald Trump threw the 2016 elections into turmoil and doubt as he announced he was considering a run at the Presidency as an independent after changing his party affiliation to “Quisling”, after two years spent infiltrating the Republican Party.

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Man Who Received A Victoria Secrets Model For Christmas Gets Confused

Lancaster(UK)-(SatireWorld.com) Little Markie Lowton seems the normal 17 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories. Most would say he was a normal kid with a big imagination and he certainly had enough friends to keep him company…But that all changed on Christmas day when he was 'one of […]

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Chaz Bono and Kim Jong Ugh! Two Brudders with Udder Mudders?

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) The New York Times and the HuffPoo Post, two financially suffering tabloid media outlets, today had front page lead stories on the possibility that Chaz Bono and Kim Jong Ugh either were conjoined twins separated at birth, or were the product of Kim Jong-ILLs relationship with both Shirley McClain AND […]

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Whoopie Goldberg Says…”Communism Is A Great Concept.”

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) Coming off an apparent fart she popped while on live TV last week, Whoopi Goldberg declared on her show “The View” Tuesday that communism is “a great concept” that “makes perfect sense.”

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Dwarf Tossing Suspected in Kim Jong Il Demise: Pelosi and Szarkozy Vie for ‘Shortest Dictator” Crown!

Citing ‘unexplained’ bruises on recently deceased North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il’s tiny head, western intelligence analysts now suspect the dare devil dictator was a victim of his own believe in immortality and a drunken ‘dwarf tossing’ contest gone terribly wrong!

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Half of Oklahoma Population To Be In Arizona For New Year’s

Oklahoma City, OK – (SatireWorld.com) Population experts have determined that half of the population of the state of Oklahoma will be in the state of Arizona on New Year’s Day. Mark Harrison, with the Census Bureau, said that “this is not due to their having better parties in Phoenix or because of the weather. It’s […]

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No. Korea’s Kim Jong-Il’s Recent ‘Eddie Van Halen Tribute DVD’ To Be Re-released In Honor Of His Death

People Democratic Republic of North Korea – (SatireWorld.com) American singer Marie Osmond had reportedly spent three weeks as the guest of North Korea’s strongman Kim Jong-Il shortly before his death. According to sources they are both fans of dancing, singing, and various types of popular music, and have made several homemade movies together at the […]

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Michael Jackson’s Nose In Discussions To Play President In “Sleeper” Remake

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The Woody Allen 1973 comedy hit “Sleeper” is scheduled to be remade in 2012. Members of the Michael Jackson family are in negotiations and discussions with Executive Producer Woody Allen to cast Michael’s nose to play the part of the Leader/President in the movie.

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Due To Kim Jong Il’s Death Rose Bowl Parade Officials Cancel North Korean Army Marching Deal Set For January 1st

Pasadena, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Rose Bowl Parade officials sent an official notice to members of the elite North Korean Army’s womens precision marching corp. The letter gave notice that due to the death of the regime’s Dear Leader, the participation of the 10,000 man North Korean precision marching army will not be wanted. The annual […]

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Hitchens Meets Kim Jong II; It Doesn’t Go Well!

The Pearly Gates – (SatireWorld.com) Well, to say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement after running into “The Dear Leader’ unexpectedly in GOD’S waiting room! The little North Korean BASTARD is even shorter and weirder than I imagined, especially after he was forced to remove his platform shoes and comb his hair before entering […]

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North Korea’s Kim Jong Il Finds ‘The Perdition Buffet’ Not To His Liking

Pyongyang, North Korea – (SatireWorld.com) According to North Korean television, Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s longtime leader, died of heart failure while dining on his personal train. He was 69 or 70 depending on which birth version you believe.

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ESPN Says Jesus Close To Signing Deal With Denver Broncos

Jeruselem, Israel – (SatireWorld.com) Sportcasters on ESPN revealed they have details of a secret deal between the Denver Broncos football team and successful Israeli quarterback Jesus H. Christ. Called the ‘sports deal of the millenium,’ Christ will sign on to a record multi-decade deal that includes a cathederal in his name, book signings, and a […]

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DNC’s Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Mistaken For Urinal In Fundraising Mix-Up

Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com) The head of the Democratic National Committee might want to think twice about manning phone banks in big city get-out-the-vote volunteer centers…Especially if they’re located on Skid Rows like Detroit’s Obama re-election headquarters

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In ’60 Minutes’ Interview-Obama Rates Himself As One Of The Top Four Presidents In US History!

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) President Barack Obama sat for a long anticipated interview with CBS’s “60 Minutes” last week. The interview, actually broadcast on prime time TV, left out a statement where Obama essentially declared himself the fourth best president in terms of his accomplishments.

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Voice from Away: Christopher Hitchens Muses about Tim Tebow, Scotch and the Afterlife!

(Satire World.com) From Somewhere ‘OUT THERE.’ Well, I’ve been waiting a few days now for my entrance interview, and so far I’ve been left to cool my heels waiting to meet ‘The Man.’ It’s been pleasant actually. Reasonably polite staff silently scurrying around the waiting room, and the Scotch ain’t bad either, 64 year old […]

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Saudi Woman Tortured And Murdered — Cops Suspect Magic Genie

Madina, Saudi Arabia – (SatireWorld.com) A Saudi woman said to be haunted by jinn (Genie spirits) beat and tortured herself for hours with fire until she fell unconscious and died later at hospital.

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A Mao Tse -Tung Christmas!

America – (SatireWorld.com) It’s 68 degrees outside, and the only thing on the ground are acorns and pine needles as I reach into the attic cubby to pull out the traditional and universal symbol of the third week in December previously known in another life time as “CHRISTMAS.”

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Bradley Manning’s Fiance Linked to Iran’s Capture of Spy Drone!

Fort Gonorrhea, Nevada – (SatireWorld.com) Sources within the Department of Defense confirmed today that the mystery of Iran’s capture of a sophisticated spy drone has been linked to Wikileaks suspect Private Manning and his fiance, a 25 year old technical Sergeant reportedly in charge of the drone at the time it went missing!

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Julian Assange Granted UK Asylum after Fathering 6 Children While Under House Arrest!

London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The saga of Wikileaks founder Julian Assange appears to have come to a happy ending as Britain’s high court, under threat by the European Court of Human Rights, has granted the alleged rapist and molester permanent asylum in the UK.

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The night the Bidens came to dinner

Somewhere, England’s Green & Pleasant Land, circa 1999  –  So I said to him “Senator,” I said.  “Please, it’s Joe, call me Joe!” …”‘OK, Senator.  Joe, er Joe! How about we discuss this over  gnocchi and some Barolo, the ’87 vintage is pretty good.” “Hmm, your place or mine, Judge?”

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Captain’s Log: Shanghaied Again!

Burmuda Triangle – (SatireWorld.com) Just when I thought I was OUT, I got shanghaied again into yet another ocean going voyage,(adventure?) this time to the pirate and jewelry store infested Caribbean!

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