Archive for January, 2012
Eric Holder: ‘New Federal Concentration Camps Will Have Color TVs and Limited Internet Access’
The Justice Department – (SatireWorld.com) The Obama administrations emphasis on cleaning up its image concerning the new Concentration Camps, or mass detention camps as officials call them, took a turn for the better when Justice Department head Attorney General Eric Holder showed reporters the nicely painted 18 man cells with a brand new 14 inch [...]
Full StoryExtreme Makeover: Obama Urged to Run as White Capitalist Presbyterian with Hair in Run Up To Election!
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Leaks emanating from behind closed doors of President Obama’s inner sanctum are pointing to a complete makeover for the President as recent polls indicate his popularity is so low even Democratic Congressman Henry “Bugger” Waxman could defeat him in his own party primary!
Full StoryCrocodile Eats 75 Villagers in Remote Kenyan Park
Bwanna, Kenya – (SatireWorld.com) Game preserve officers tracked down and killed a 45 foot long crocodile today after it was seen leaving a village that it decimated during an evening celebration. The reptile is being reported as the ‘world’s largest crocodile.’ First reports claimed upwards of 50 native villagers were eaten, but game warden Benji [...]
Full Story“Boy In A Bag” Mystery Reopened as Ties to “Britain’s Got Talent” Revealed!
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) “All good things come to people who wait,” said Fiona Wilcox, the Crown’s Coroner for Westminster, as she announced she would be reopening the investigation of the ‘mysterious’ death of MI6 cryptologist Gareth Williams, 31, found trussed up like a bagged goose just two short years ago.
Full StoryGovernment Scientists Discovery New Crayola Crayon Color
Palo Alto, CA – (SatireWorld.com) First there was the much touted colors of 2011 certain to dazzle the eye of any 10 year old, like Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown, Purple Heart,Banana Mania,Cotton Candy, Manatee, and Shadow. Today government scientists announced a break through Crayola color which they hope will allow grownups a chance to marvel at [...]
Full StoryDemocrats All On Board with Newt’s Space Colony Fantasy , Back California Bond Proposal!
Cape Canaveral, FL – (SatireWorld.com) Newt Gingrich knows how to shake up an election by keeping his friends close and his enemies even closer. “Space Shot” threw more than just a little bull shit against the wall this past week with his comments, while campaigning at Cape Canaveral, btw, to push for commuter travel to [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Friday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, All my life, ain’t nobody never thrown me a surprise birthday party. Is it possible for me to give myself a surprise birthday party? How can I keep it secret from myself and still handle all the details? Jerry Bovine Equine, North Carolina
Full StoryBarney Frank Announces His Wedding Plans
Boston, MA – (SatireWorld.com) Congressman Barney Frank’s office has confirmed that the retiring 71-year-old Representative is marrying is longtime partner, Jim Ready, in a Massachusetts ceremony. A date has not been set.
Full StoryPolish Man Wins Odd Wager, Butt Is Banned From His Favorite Bar
Luz, Poland – (SatireWorld.com) Wladasvil Galovinski was aways the clown out for a laugh, and during secondary school at Luz's Red Guard Academy, Wlad would do devilish things to provoke teachers and to give merriment to his friends. In some respects Wlad never grew up and a recent wager between friends brought his life crashing [...]
Full StoryAmerica’s Newest Super Hero ‘Banana Boy’ Sticks Adam Lambert Over Foreskin Remark
Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Times can be hard for a super hero. There are days when even the most benign activity can turn around and cause difficulties. An example would be singer Adam Lambert recent visit to a dinner party put on to honor America's newest super hero, the yellow-caped Banana Boy.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Thursday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, My wife was watching one of them cable Hollywood Celebrity Gossip shows this morning. They had this story on there that got us both upset. Is it true that Oprah Winfrey is gonna buy the Grand Ole Opry? Ace Johnson Pinto Bean, Texas
Full StorySEAL Team 6 Memoirs Reveals The Photo Of The Mysterious Team Member Who Actually Shot Bin Laden
The Pentagon – (SatireWorld.com) History was re-written today when Cmdr. David Montgomery’s tell all book concerning the successful Navy SEAL Team 6 raid on the Osama Bin Laden compound last year. It seems it was lead by a former president and he’s the one that plugged Bin Laden with a carefully aimed head shot.
Full StoryNewt’s Biggest Regret: Engaging in Intercourse with that woman, Annunciata D’Alesandro!
San Francisco, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Newt Gingrich wasted no time in replying to threats from Nancy Pelosi, the former speaker of the House, to reveal ‘double secret intelligence’ garnered from illegal phone hacking involving the liberal bashing Presidential Candidate.
Full StoryThe Kennedy Legacy: You Pay for The Gift that Keeps on Giving, And Giving, And Giving!
Boston, MA – (SatireWorld.com) As each one of the far flung Kennedy Dynasty passed on, they left a legacy of taxpayer funded shrines that insured a perpetual annuity for survivors, as well as for rabid camp followers that now live pretty high on ‘honorary’ positions for the ‘Non Profits.”
Full StoryNFL Adopts New Football Helmet
Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The NFL saftey committee wrapped up three years of investigative work in researching the next generation of player protective helmets. Due to recurrent injuries to players that resulted in concussions and brain injuries, the committee has found a lighter, more natural-wearing protective device…The players own hair!
Full StoryGrand Ole Opry Performer Under Investigation For Disappearance Of Fiance After Singing “Dead Girlfriends Don’t Get Headaches”
Nashville, TN – (SatireWorld.com) Country Singer J. Dimwitty Philpott is being investigated in the disappearance of his fiance, Thelma Lou Hoskins. Miss Hoskins has not been seen in the past three months, but police only begin considering Philpott a suspect after the release of his latest album. Previously, according to Detective Ron Whitehead, “we didn’t [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Wednesday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Last year, my wife told me she wanted to go get her hair done and needed sixty dollars. I told her that was kinda expensive cuz Cletus the barber only charges ten. Well, she said that she was getting what they called a “Permanent” done to her hair, and she wouldn’t [...]
Full StoryNew JFK Jr hagiography whitewashes Carolyn Bessette’s heroin addicition
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) The coke snorting son of John F Kennedy took a massive gamble marrying the vapid peroxide smack addicted Calvin Klein executive in what some have described as a knee jerk reaction to six years trysting with Daryl Hannah.
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