Archive for February, 2013

Horsemeat Scandal Hits the USA

Washington DC: White House Press Secretary Jay Carney indicated President Obama would say a few words about the horsemeat problems plaguing Europe, particularly the UK.

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Bob Woodward Declares Reports of his Suicide in Marcy Park ‘Premature!”

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Luckily for investigative reporter Bob Woodward, known for his Watergate coverage, the White House continues to be unable to handle even the most simple task, as spokesman Jay Blarney announced the suicide death of Woodward at a press conference early this morning.

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Fact: Jon Stewart is One of the Most Dishonest Men In Cable News and Possibly the Most Annoying Too

New York City, NY – (SatireWorld.com) Long touted by the extreme left as ‘a man without reproach,’ cable news veteran Jon Stewart is as biased and supportive of dubious political sciences as those from MSNBC, but his narrative gives viewers the impression that he has already vetted those interviewed and therefore, his version is truthful […]

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Obama Administration Appoints Fitness Guru Richard Simmons as British Ambassador

London(UK) British foreigh service personal were aghast as sequined topped Richard Simmons presented his official papers to the British Home Secretary as his first act as the US Ambassador to the Court of St. James in London.

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American Student Punished for Refusing to Recite Mexican Pledge

McAllen, TX – (FOX Radio) A Texas high school student has filed a federal lawsuit against her school and her teachers after she was punished for refusing to salute and recite the Mexican pledge of allegiance.

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1999’s “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” Film to Get Sequel

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The 1999 black comedy film from Miramax, “Teaching Mrs. Tingle,” will be updated in a 2014 seqeul. The new movie, to be titled “Touching Mr. Tingle,” will not return any of the cast from the original film (Katie Holmes, Helen Mirren, Molly Ringwald, or Jeffrey Tambor).

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Obama: “Untold millions will be out of work and plaque-ridden once budget sequestration hits”

The White House – (SatireWorld.com) The fears, threats and hype over the looming budget sequester hit a new high Tuesday when the Democratic National Committee more than doubled the White House estimate that 75,000,000 jobs are facing the ax if the spending cuts take place–and stay in place.

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Axelrod and Election Team off to Kenya to Help George Obama’s Write In Candidacy for President!

Nairobi, Kenya -(SatireWorld.com) Continuing on his path of political meddling which resulted in the surprise turnout for an Italian Comedian (oxymoron?), and the humiliation of his preferred candidate, Barry Obama is also taking a personal stake in this coming Monday’s Kenyan presidential election.

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Paramedics Remove Bicycle Part from Ian Wearing’s Anus

Boston, MA- (SatireWorld.com) If you’re sitting down while you read this story, you’ll be standing up by the end. Especially if you’ve ever had a few beers and went riding on your bicycle.

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Obama Administration Asks Department of Education to Add “R” Word to List of Banned Words

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Obama Administration has requested that the Department of Education to add the “R” word to the list of banned words or phrases that will not be taught in schools. They are also seeking to have the word removed from all media and to have it automatically replaced with a series […]

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Congressional Activities Affected By Sequestration

Washington DC- (SatireWorld.com) Members of Congress returning from their “President’s Day” weeklong recess will have to deal with averting sequestration and protecting working girls.

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Miss Teenage USA Resigns Over Sexually Explicit Fast Food Visit

Taos, NM – (SatireWorld.com) A Miss Teenage USA has resigned Tuesday after a video surfaced online that allegedly features the 18-year-old beauty queen engaging in a sexual act at a fast food restaurant.

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Lindsay Lohan Offers Oral Sex To Anyone Who Will Watch Her Next Movie

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Actress Lindsay Lohan has offered to perform oral sex on everyone in America who voluntarily buys tickets to see her next movie. The former child star and one time Disney actress has seen her career decline as an adult, partially due to her drinking, drugs, partying, out of control lifestyle, and […]

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Italy in Chaos after Axelrod meddles in election, Comedian Surges, Dow Plummets: It’s a Joke, Right?

Rome, Italy – (SatireWorld.com) Most of Europe, including the US, is in financial turmoil after the Obama Cabal meddled in the recent Italian elections, using Chicago Slime-Dog David Axelrod to orchestrate the campaign of the current Prime minister who managed to gain just 10% of the votes leaving the corrupt country in shambles!

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North Carolina to issue driver’s licenses to illegal aliens….but with a pink twist!

Charlotte, NC – (SatireWorld.com) A new North Carolina driver’s license set to be issued to some illegal immigrants has a bright pink stripe and the bold words “NO LAWFUL STATUS,” raising concerns about whether the design will brand those who show it.

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Body of Count Dracula III Found

Transylvania ROU – (SatireWorld.com) The almost perfectly intact body of Count Dracula III was found in a lead lined coffin at the back of a cave located near a small Romanian village.

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US Posts Consumer Warning: Horse Meat Detected In Famous Budweiser Clydesdales

St. Louis, MO – (SatireWorld.com) The Anheuser-Busch corporation notified stockholders that a recent analysis of some Budweiser products showed a high percentage of horse meat in the company’s mascot and world-famous team of Clydesdales.

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And the Award for Best Supporting Actress for Comedic Farce goes to……

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The nation was treated to an unprecedented event last night at the Academy Awards, an event boycotted by 49.8% of the country, who really couldn’t be arsed, when leading lady Moochelle Obama (FLOAT-US) was beamed in live from the White House to accept the newly created award!

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Competing Writer Forms Ragtag Army Attacks SatireWorld!

London, England – (SatireWorld.com) Scores of drunken and mainly over-the-hill Englishmen launched an unprovoked attack against SatireWorld early this morning. Casualties were reported to be heavy on the English side as patriotic SW defenders threw projectiles made from ‘Dorky Books’ back in defense of their territory. When asked to explain what that particular book was, […]

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University of Illinois Sued After Rejecting Student’s Master’s Thesis For Political Reasons

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) The Fighting Illini will take their fight to court. The University of Illinois is being sued by a student in their Masters in Political Science program after they rejected his Master’s Thesis on what he claims are “Political Reasons.”

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Why Vote For Bernie When The Top 10 Most Miserable US Cities To Live In Are All Run By Democrats

Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com) According to Forbes rankings, Detroit is the most miserable city in the United States. Home to violent crimes, high unemployment, decreasing population and economic crises, Detroit beat out Miami (last years winner) along with Flint-MI, Chicago-IL, and Modesto-CA.

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Popular British Spoof Site Holds Their Breath Over Jimmy Savile Document Release

Portsmouth(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Thousands of pages of information gathered over the BBC’s decision to discontinue its investigation into alleged abuse by Jimmy Savile are set to be made public on Friday, much to the worry of a popular British spoofer’s site called…The Spoof and the son of the accused pedophile.

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Obama Blames US Meteor Explosion for $6 Trillion in Budget Deficits

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) A meteor exploded over the city of Chelyabinsk, Russia with a blast estimated at 500 kilotons injuring more than 1,000 people and blowing out windows across the region. A high placed White House source leaked information about subsequent events.

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NBC to Debut “Little Barry and the Choom Gang” Show for Children in September

Rockerfeller Center, NYC- (SatireWorld.com) NBC Network, in cooperation with the newly created cabinet department (The Department of Truth), will jointly produce and air ‘Little Barry and the Choom Gang’ beginning with the 2013-2014 school year in September. The show will follow the exploits of Little Barry Obama (the fictitious son of President Barack Obama) and […]

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Animal Control Officers Finally Discover “Who Let The Dogs Out”

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Animal Control Officers have finally discovered the identity of the person “who let the dogs out.” Investigators in the department have been searching for the perpetrator since The Baha Men first asked the question in the summer of 2000.

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Researchers Learn Sally Hemings Was Really Mrs. Thomas Jefferson and First Black First Lady

Monticello, VA- (SatireWorld.com) Michelle Obama can no longer claim the title of being the first Black First Lady. Historical Researchers have uncovered documents that show Thomas Jefferson actually married his slave Sally Hemings, making her the first Black First Lady. Jefferson, a widower after the death of wife Martha Wayles (died in 1782), was the […]

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NJ Senator Menendez Defends Reputation: “Some of my best friends (in Congress) are Whores!

Union City, NJ – (SatireWorld.com) As allegations against the ethically challenged Senator Bob Menendez (D-NJ) continue to surface, the former mayor of Union City, NJ, and recently re-erected poster boy for Viagra claimed he was the victim of partisan politics over charges he cavorted with underage prostitutes in the Dominican Republic.

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Michelle Obama’s Official White House Portrait Unveiled

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) First Lady Michelle Obama has had a new official White House portrait completed. As this is now her husband Barack’s second term, and she is four years older than when the last official portrait was made, an updated one was needed.

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Poll: Majority of Americans Want Illegals Deported

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) More than half of U.S. citizens believe that most or all of the country’s 11 million illegal immigrants should be deported, according to a poll released on Wednesday that highlights the difficulties facing lawmakers trying to reform the U.S. immigration system.

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Second Annual Eat-A-Turd-For Mohammed Day Draws Big Crowds In Afghan’s Helmand Province

[/caption] Even kids were expected to eat from the Taliban’s unique menu offerings. Afghanistan Tribal Areas-(SatireWorld.com) In the remote tribal areas of eastern Afghanistan the Taliban declared today as the second annual "Eat A Turd For Mohammed Day" hoping to capitalize on recent events that show American forces leaving soon and the threat of reprisals […]

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