Archive for May, 2014

American Jihadist Falls For Oldest Trick In The Book

Miami, FL – (satireworld.com) Satireworld sources reveal the American who killed himself in a suicide attack in Syria was from South Florida. He lived in Cutler Ridge and went to Miami High School until he quit school in 2010. He was 20 years.

Full Story

Gwyneth Paltrow Fitted for Muzzle, Treated for Diarrhea of the Mouth

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) Some people don’t know when to shut up. Such is the case with actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Her mouth has gotten her in hot water with critics again and, this time, drastic measures have been taken to prevent further asinine comments on her part.

Full Story

Coming Soon To A City Near You…..

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Despite President Obama going to great lengths to assuage the American people’s concerns with the increased militarization of federal agencies, a recently disclosed military directive suggests those fears could be legitimate. Yesterday, The Washington Times disclosed a disturbing Department of Defense directive detailing which instances may be appropriate for the government […]

Full Story

Cape Cod Tourist Season Threatened as 1000’s of Brazilians Sneak Home for World Cup!

Hyannis, MA – (satireworld.com) The Chamber of Commerce put out an urgent plea for seasonal workers after an exodus of ‘dreamers’ from Brazil left for home in order to participate in riots at the upcoming soccer tournament in Rio!

Full Story

Pre-Ticket Sales For Hillary Event Flop…Promoters Almost Giving Them Away To Fill Seats

Denver, CO – (satireworld.com) Tickets to a Hillary Clinton event are now being sold as a promotional item and the prices have been slashed to pick up sales. The former Secretary of State and likely presidential candidate is slated to speak at the 1ST Bank Center outside of Denver on Monday. The tickets were originally […]

Full Story

Santa Barbara Killer’s Motive Baffles Eggheads, Know-It-All Professors

Santa Barbara, CA – (satireworld.com) As the country tries to make sense of the recent tragedy in California, the nation’s elite are always quick to point out the answers to those of us who aren’t nearly as smart as they are.

Full Story

Craig Robinson secures federal earmark to buy Clippers!

Porkville, SXC – (satireworld.com) Flying under the radar on a slow congressional day, South Carolina’s King of Pork, James Clyburn slipped in an earmark to the ‘Save our Veterans from Socialized Euthanasia” bill proposed by John McClain, authorizing $2.6B in taxpayer backed funds for First Lady Michelle Obama’s unemployed brother to buy out the LA […]

Full Story

51% of West Point Seniors threaten to resign commissions after Obama Addresses Corpse! (sic)

West Point, NY – (satireworld.com) In a less than inspiring speech to West Point Seniors, Commander ‘N Thief Obama told the future warriors that they had wasted 4 years of their life as he promised they would never see action in defense of their country!

Full Story

Obama Energy Secretary Thinks Electric Cars Should Be Mandatory But Doesn’t Drive One Personally

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) In todays ‘most confusing presser’Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz said electric vehicles not only reduce fossil-fuel use, they have another important feature — and that is “much less noise.”

Full Story

Former MTV Host Arrested For Breaking Into Sirius/XM Headquarters

New York City – (satireworld.com) Mark Goodman, a former VJ from the 1980’s heyday of MTV, was hauled away in handcuffs last week after being caught hitting the button that turns all Sirius/XM radios on, regardless of whether the customer has paid for a subscription to the satellite service or not.

Full Story

Lab-grown Vaginas Big Hit At Lesbian Caterers

Tijuana, Mexico – (satireworld.com) Lab grown artificial vaginas are a reality! Scientists in Tijuana Mexico have patented the process where replacement vaginas can be grown in a petri dish in about 3 weeks. American and Mexican doctors and scientists carried out implant surgery four times between June 2005 and October 2008, reports the Tijuana Medical […]

Full Story

US Postal Service Honors Real Creepy Guy With New Stamp

San Francisco, CA – (LiteSiteNews.com) Benjamin Franklin famously quipped, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” Franklin evidently failed to envisage today’s postmodern left. For the conservative, there exists at least one other certainty, and it is this: The degree to which “progressives” attack you corresponds precisely to […]

Full Story

Michelle Obama’s Frequent Flyer Miles Win President Trip to Afghanistan

Washington, D.C. – (satireworld.copm) It seems the First Lady’s non-stop vacationing have paid off for the First Family. With the ridiculous number of miles she has flown on Air Force One in the past six years, Mrs. Obama was able to surprise her husband with a secret trip to Afghanistan this Memorial Day.

Full Story

California Considers Move to Ban ‘Blonde Sluts’ After Man Goes on Rampage Because He Never Got Any

Isla Vista, CA – (satireworld.com) A delusional, 22 year-old man went on a premeditated killing spree Friday night in an attempt to get “retribution”, as he stated it, for the slight he felt humanity had given him. His hatred focused on one creature in particular: The Blonde Slut.

Full Story

MSNBC Television Debuts New Reality TV Show ….. ‘The Real Housewives of Islamabad’

Islamisbad, Pakistan -(aatireworld.com) In order to shore up faltering ratings and falling revenues, cable news channel MSNBC has decided to offer prime-time reality shows with a foreign flare. Reality TV’s latest offering is sure to raise eyebrows and a few Muslim tempers as season one of The Real Housewives of Islamabad makes its way to […]

Full Story

Bill Clinton Admits….’Yes, Hillary’s Eaten More Pussy Than I Have’

Little Rock AR – (SatireWorld.com) Their 12-year affair made Gennifer Flowers one of the most high profile mistresses in America. Now, two decades after they split amid scandal, the former news reporter from Little Rock, Arkansas wants to ‘sit down and talk’ with Bill Clinton.

Full Story

Chelsea Clinton’s Baby to Give Keynote Speech at DNC Convention in 2016

Philadelphia, PA – (satireworld.com) Although the site of the Democratic National Convention has not yet been determined, one bit of information has leaked out. The keynote speaker will be Chelsea Clinton’s soon-to-be born child.

Full Story

MSNBC’s Chris Hayes Looks Like An Idiot After Gun Challenge Aimed At NRA

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) On May 22 MSNBC’s Chris Hayes expressed amazement that he has heard no response from the NRA to a smart gun “truce” offered them on May 5 by a New Jersey State senator who is at the forefront of anti-gun activity in her state.

Full Story

Debbie Wasserman Schultz Still Missing Since Halloween Fright Night!

West Palm Beach, FL – (SatireWorld.com) The Palm Beach, FL Jewish community launched an all out search for D&C Charperson (sic) Debbie Wasserman Schultz after she went out ‘trick or treating’ Halloween night and never returned home!

Full Story

President Obama Vows to Punish Those Responsible in VA Scandal, Unless They Happen to be Federal Workers

Washington, D.C. – (satireworld.com) President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal where numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody bought it, of course, but he still said it.

Full Story

Obama designates Martha’s Vineyard as National Monument…to Himself!

Mashpee. MA – (satirewiorld.com) During the dying days of his scandal riddled presidency Obama has launched an ambitious program to insure his ignominious legacy continuing his federal land grab by officially closing off Martha’s Vineyard to public use by declaring it a ‘National Monument.”

Full Story

Jessica Simpson To Join FOX News

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Fox News announced its summer news lineup and a surprising new co-anchor is being added to the O’Reilly Factor normally broadcast during viewing prime time. The addition of a new and fresh face to the highly viewed Bill O’Reilly show was a surprise to most loyal viewers, but the […]

Full Story

Adolph Hitler’s Grand Daughter Ava Gives Birth To Twin Boys In Bonn Hospital

Bonn, Germany – (SatireWorld.com) Adolf Hitler’s only granddaughter, Ava Gesundheit Braun-Hitler, announced the August birth of twin sons who were delivered in a secret underground bunker beneath Bonn General Hospital. Reportedly the twins were conceived at the Josef Mengele Fertility Clinic in Paz, Bolivia. Both mother and twins are reportedly doing fine. A huge torch […]

Full Story

After a Day of Spinning, Jay Carney Requires Nearly a Pharmacy to Sleep at Night

Washington, D.C. – (satireworld.com) After an average day of spinning details of current events to make the President look good, no matter how bad the situation, White House spokesman, Jay Carney, needs practically an entire pharmacy to help him sleep at night.

Full Story

Restaurant Chain Bans Guns in Stores, May Get Free Publicity From Future Mass Shooting

Dallas – (satireworld.com) The Chipotley Restaurant chain, known for their oversized burritos, has announced a nationwide ban on guns in their stores with the exception of those in the possession of law enforcement personnel.

Full Story

MSNBC Fires Writer For Not Putting Political Slant on News Story

MSNBC Studios, NY – (satireworld.com) Melvin Mitsoe was asked to clean out his desk today at MSNBC. His boss then did the embarrassing job of looking through the cardboard box to make sure that Melvin wasn’t taking home anything that didn’t belong to him. The young reporter, who graduated with honors from the University of […]

Full Story

White Woman Claims 3D Movie Made Her Pregnant With A Black Child

Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com) A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in March at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman swears she had became pregnant while watching a 3D porno movie.

Full Story

It’s ‘Madder Than Hell Week’ in Washington, DC

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The fallout from the recent and ongoing Veterans Admimistration scandal has surfaced at the White House, after White House chief of staff says President Barack Obama is “madder than hell” about reports of treatment delays at veterans’ hospitals across the country.

Full Story

John Boehner Found Mummified in Tanning Bed

Washington D.C. – (satireworld.com) Speaker of the House, John Boehner, known for his orange hue and lack of spine when it comes to politics, was found this weekend in a dried-out, mummified state inside a tanning bed at a local salon.

Full Story

NASA – ‘Hubble Telescope Spots Human Remains Laying On Moon’s Surface’

Houston, TX – (SatireWorld.com) NASA Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, concerning the recent discovery of human remains spotted laying on the surface of the Earth’s moon. The desiccated figure, reportedly dressed in what appears to be a cotton house dress, was discovered by the Hubble space telescope last March during a […]

Full Story