Archive for October, 2018

National Park Service Confirms-‘Bears Absolutely Do It In The Woods’

Bend, Oregon – (satireworld.com) Does A Bear Poop In The Woods? The United States National Park Service officially clarified what was mostly snide jokes and hearsay remarks concerning the bathroom habits of North American bears. Today, Ranger Bud Ricks held a press conference at the Wilds Federal Reserve addressing the pressing issue of where a […]

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To Avoid Long Voter Lines,The DNC Advises All Democrats To Vote On Wednesday November 7th

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Democratic National Committee has requested national TV air time in order to caution fellow Democrats about how to avoid long lines at the polls and to advise them to cast their vote on Wednesday, November 7th when lines at the polls will be considerably shorter.

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Gov. Cuomo, Please Repeat That America “Was Never That Great”

Hey Gov. Cuomo….Please repeat that America “was never that great.”

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National Fraternity Conference Chooses Least MILF-ish Celebrities

Palm Springs, CA- (satireworld.com) A conference in Palm Springs, California for Fraternity Presidents of all different Greek groups representing all NCAA Universities was held last week to “plan Spring Break.”  In addition to the obligatory toga parties, wet t-shirt contests, keggers, and other politically correct activities, the college and university students also voted on the […]

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Elizabeth Warren Refuses To Withdraw Candidacy and Announces Presidential Bid

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com) Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren of Massachusetts has refused to withdraw her candidacy for reelection for her Senate Seat after results of her DNA tests were released (and proved that she is between 1/64th and 1/1024th Native American).  The Senator, who has claimed that she was Native American and a “woman of color” […]

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Is Elizabeth Warren Featured In The Pocahontas Exhibit At The National Museum Of The American Indian?

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The political world was further confused this week when Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) released the results of a controversial DNA test that was years in the making.

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Arkansas City Posts Bid To Host 2032 Summer Olympic Games

Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com) Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas, the county seat of Snatch County, has submitted a bid to the International Olympic Committee to host the 2032 Summer Games.  The town joins other bids from cities like Sydney (Australia), Buenos Aires (Argentina), St. Petersburg (Russia), and Brussels, Belgium.

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Ayatollah Removed From Manchester Petting Zoo on England State Visit

Manchester, UK – (satireworld.com) The Ayatollah Smella Buttholla, in England on a state visit to speak to Moslem/Muslim immigrants and to secure preferential treatment for his people, was removed by police from a Manchester petting zoo today.  The Iranian religious leader was, according to upset parents and crying children, “doing nasty things with the sheep […]

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Rosie O’Donnell Admits What She Did With Her Tuba “This One Time at Band Camp”

Fionna, NY – (satireworld.com) Former high school band member and tuba player Rosie O’Donnell admitted in casual conversation to others that she had a “sexual encounter” with her musical instrument while they were watching the 1999 teen comedy move “American Pie.”  In the movie, character Michelle says that “this one time, at band camp, I […]

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Donner Party Archaeological Study Finds Survivors Preferred White Meat

Peru, OR – (satireworld.com) An archaeological study of the remains of the Donner Party shows that the survivors who had to turn to cannibalism preferred white meat to dark meat.  The group, who was stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California in the winter of 1846-47 appear to have eaten about 20% more breast […]

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Hawaiian Restaurant Offers Free Lay With Every Dessert

Boing, HI – (satireworld.com) A typo is causing major problems for a Honolulu restaurant.  Keola’s Roast Pig is having problems honoring their offer of “a free lay with every dessert” as it was supposed to “a free leia (or lei) with every dessert.”  Restaurant owner Keola Paccuci is blaming the error on spellcheck, which does […]

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Classic Chuck Norris Film “Good Guys Wear Black” to have Politically Correct Remake

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) 1978’s Chuck Norris action film “Good Guys Wear Black” will have a politically correct remake scheduled for release in two years as a holiday film.  The new movie, titled “Good Guys Wear Black Fishnet Stockings,” is scheduled to being filming next summer in San Francisco, California.

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Woman Reveals She Was With Kavanaugh the Night Christine Blasey Ford Testified About

Dubsdread, OH – (satireworld.com) An Ohio woman has revealed that, “according to the records in my journal,” she was actually having sex with Brett Kavanaugh on the night Christine Blasey Ford claims he tried to rape her.  Mary Jane Rottencrotch said that “I wrote everything down, I have pictures, and I can tell you where […]

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Sexual Allegations Against “Slick Willie” Different Than Those Against Trump and Kavanaugh?

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The 2008 and 2016 losing Democratic presidential candidate and corrupt Obama Administration Secretary of State (SOS) Hillary Clinton makes inventive remarks in a new interview with a noted CNN reporter! She defended her husband “Slick Willie” against the allegations of sexual misconduct that he has faced over the years.

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The Value of the Name in Politics: A Satireworld Editorial

SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL- I grew up on the United States-Mexico border in El Paso, Texas.  I’m also a white guy… 100%.  My dad’s family comes from England and my mom’s is from England on one side and Italy on the other.  Before England and Italy, I don’t know where they are from (and I am too […]

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Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com) The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.  Not only is the Senator the owner, but is also the President, founder, designer, […]

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500+ at California Nude Beach Commit Self Mutilation

San Diego, CA – (satireworld.com) Over five hundred people at a San Diego Nude Beach cut, poked, gouged out, stabbed, and mutilated their eyes in multiple ways to purposefully lose their vision.  These acts of personal blinding are blamed on Senator Dianne Feinstein (one of California’s famed Trio of Terror) showing up and disrobing on […]

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Swing City in Arkansas Elects Republican Mayor With 95% of the Vote

Camel Tie Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com) Farley Dickerson was elected mayor of Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas with a whopping 95% of the vote.  Camel Toe Ridge, the seat of Snatch County, is considered a pivotal “swing” city for indicating the vote in the national election.

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Hillary Clinton Claims Brett Kavanaugh Sent Her Inappropriate Emails But She Can’t Find Them

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Former First Lady, Senator, Presidential Candidate, murderer, traitor, and crooked lawyer Hillary Clinton has revealed that Brett Kavanaugh sent her inappropriate emails of a sexual nature.  Clinton, however, is surprisingly unable to locate the emails.

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Liberal Democratic Senators Smell Up Judiciary Hearing Rooms

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The hearing rooms where the Senate Judiciary Committee meets, both the large and small conference areas, have been closed for maintenance. A foul smell was left by the smear campaign carried out by the 10 committee Democrats questioning Judge Kavanaugh on his confirmation to be an Associate Justice of the Supreme […]

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SatireWorld’s ‘Dumbass Award’ Goes Too….

SatireWorld’s weekly Dumbass Award nominee has been selected and the grand prize awarded during a brief ceremony at Dunkin Donuts….

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Family Members Consider Having Rosie O’Donnell Fixed

Dingleberry Falls, Connecticut – (satireworld.com) Family members, who have all desired to remain anonymous, have admitted that they are considering having Rosie O’Donnell fixed.  “Rosie has been peeing on the furniture and gnawing on table legs and snapping at people, ” admitted one relative.  “She also feels the need to bend herself into weird positions […]

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California’s Trio of Terror Upset People Confusing Them With Horror Movie Characters

California, USA – (satireworld.com) They are not Freddy Kruger, Jason Vorhees, and Pinhead.  They are not Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy.  They are not the Predator, the Alien, and Darth Vader.  They are also not Godzilla, King Kong, and Mothra.  You’d also be wrong with The Wolfman, Chucky the Killer Doll, and Michael Myers.  Dianne […]

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Ivana Phuque and Nastia Phuque to Compete Together as Tennis Doubles on Tour

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com) Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics  herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour.  Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the […]

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Alyssa Milano Admits She Was Trying to Increase Her Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Alyssa Milano, who has not been really relevant since starring in Charmed and Who’s the Boss, tried to reinvent her fifteen minutes of fame last week by appearing nearly topless at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings.  Milano, who stated that she was there to support the female accuser […]

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C.D.C. Commissions Study On Effects Of Drinking From Toilets On Dogs

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) The Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) has contributed two billion dollars to Georgia Tech University to study the effects of drinking from a toilet on dogs.  The research, to be conducted with several breeds of dogs over five years and in multiple locations, will examine the physical health of the canines, as […]

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Unusual Cave Drawings Found In Sen. Diane Feinstein’s Cleavage

San Francisco, CA – (Satireworld.com) California Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) had a recent physical and reports of the odd medical findings were leaked to FOX News. Doctors discovered she is carrying historical artifacts that she never knew she had….Prehistoric cave drawings between her breasts!

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Gay Pride Marchers Beat Two Men To Death For Not Standing For Rainbow Flag

Denver, CO – (satireworld.com) A gay pride march turned violent in Colorado yesterday when two men were beaten to death for not standing when the rainbow flag was carried past them.  Travis Johnson (black heterosexual) and Jack Swanson (white heterosexual) were sitting outside their business (Johnson and Swanson Barber Shop) eating their lunch in Denver […]

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Iranian Ayatollah Demands No One Draw or Take His Picture

Tehran, Iran – (satireworld.com) Iranian Ayatollah Smella Buttholla has demanded that, like Muhammad, no one is to take his picture or to draw/paint/sculpt a caricature or portrait of him.  Buttholla feels that, to attempt to emulate the Islamic prophet, one must act like and be treated like the prophet.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I understand about you and your wife and people growing apart. I do want to know if you still communicate with her and what she thinks about your living “biblically” with a bunch of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

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