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Monday’s Solar Eclipse ‘A Kick Up The Ass’ For America’s Anal Bleaching Profession

Los Angeles, California – (SatireWorld.com) Astrologers studying Monday’s upcoming solar eclipse are bullish about the impact on West Coast anal skin lightening facilities according to an authoritative op ed.

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South Pole Calderas Fool Global Warming Cabal

Antarctica – (SatireWorld.com) Climate Change hot air suffered yet another blow this weekend following the publication of the Western Antarctic Research Base report about volcanic eruptions under the Ross Ice Shelf.

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Has a ‘dirty’ Brit general covered up Donald Trump’s Russian origins?

London, UK – (SatireWorld.com) A highly decorated World War III general and former UK Chief of Stuff was being quizzed at a covert location this morning following a dawn raid by officers from Operation Ratsarse.

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Swiss Bank Vault Raid Yields Hundreds Of Nazi-Looted Artworks

Basel, Switzerland – (SatireWorld.com) Swiss police have executed an international search warrant at the headquarters of First Vatican Money-Laundering Bank Of Miracles following a tip-off from the FBI.

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Joe Arpaio Is Trump Pick For Mexico Wall Warden

Fountain Hills, Arizona -(satireworld.com) The ex-Maricopa County sheriff is reported to be first in line for the $500,000 per annum position of keeping Mexicans out of the USA. At 85-years old the Fountain Hills maverick veteran lawman is also bookies’ 5/4 favorite for the controversial Trump Mexican border wall enforcement appointment due to a slew […]

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Tramp Junior Is Putin’s Daughter Says Russian Deep Throat

Moscow – (SatireWorld.com) According to laryngologists at Moscow’s famous Rear, Nose & Throat Hospital flaxen-heired Ms Junior has tested positive following analysis of intimate swabs. The news comes amid rising US-Russian tensions about KGB interference in 2016’s presidential troll. Uh, poll.

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Bader Ginsburg Banana Shot Scuppers Pool Sharks’ Hate Mail Scam

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has ‘sure slipped a mean one’ right past the Trump Camp’s nose in a 9-Ball recluse refusal, the Associated Mess is reporting tonight.

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Rookie Auditions For SCOTUS Garage Band

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) US Supreme Court newby Neil Gorsuch is honing his ‘I-Shot-The-Sheriff’ tonight ahead of next week’s anticipated SCOTUS garage band audition.

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Kanye Bids For Seat On ExxonMobil Board

Irving, Texas – (SatireWorld.com) Buoyed by his tete-a-tete with President-elect Donald Trump rapper Kanye West has put forward his credentials to bigwigs at ExxonMobil, confident an imminent appointment is in the bag.

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Spooky How Trump Hires Cousin Joe To Raise Deportation Posse

Maricopa County, Arizona – (SatireWorld.com) “First thing we gonna do is deport Barack Obama back home to Jamaica,” Maricopa County’s recently deposed sheriff Joe Arpaio said today amid news of his latest appointment as President Trump’s Homeland Insecurity enforcer. As foretold by some guy called Nostradamus in the year 1289.

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Poetry Corner – ‘Hillary’

SatireWorld.com – Hillary (With apologies to Hilaire Belloc, 1870 – 1953)

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Hillary Loses All Sense Of Huma

New York – (SatireWorld.com) Forensic cryptologists are busy checking for signs of paranormal activity in Mrs Clinton’s knickers this weekend amid fears that a spooky, hexoplasm-riddled thumb drive may have been secreted inside one of her cavernous pantiliner gussets, according to SatireWorld.com reports.

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Hillary’s Hollywood ‘Walk Of Shame’ Star Is In Its Ascendancy

Santa Monica Lewinsky, California – (SatireWorld.com) A Sunset Boulevard picture agency has announced the imminent publication of its long-awaited Halloween Special. Featuring morning-after-the-night-before shots of a ratarsed Mrs Clinton crawling out of her very married, dual Oscar winner lover’s matrimonial four-poster.

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Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 Is What Swung It For Nobel Literature Gong Says UN Professor Of Weedology

Oslo, Norway – (SatireWorld.com) A world renowned authority on recreational pharmacology has gone on record about the award of the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature to Bob Dylan.

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That Largactil Shuffle Pant Suit A Foretaste Of Men-In-White-Coats To Come

Nevada – (SatireWorld.com) An Oscar de la Rentboy AW16-17 padded straitjacket stole the show at the University of Nevada last night as Hillary Clinton channeled her inner Madam President psychosis. And Blue Dog Dems everywhere cried Jesus F***ing Wept.

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Obama Foundation Manhattan Base Outed

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) “No wonder Bill Clinton is pissed,” a concierge at the imposing Billionaires Row tower said this weekend, “now that his Arkansas Presidential Library rooftop poop (pool? – Ed) pipe-dream’s been trumped – by Obama’s new Foundation pad.”

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Hillary Pleads Congenital Amnesia About Amanda Knox

Washington AC/DC – (SatireWorld.com) She’s putting back the con into congenital amnesia in what’s thought to be a little known side effect of post-partum psychosis affecting the world’s most incorrigible liars about the existence of secret offspring they wish didn’t exist.

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Swine Flu Over The Cuckold’s Nest As Hillary Channels Rigor Mortis

New York – (SatireWorld.com) “Sounds like a classic case of drop dead tertiary psycho-syphilis,” Carnegie Hill shrink Professor Einstein Flintstone said today amid reports that Democratic Party basket case Hillary Clinton is slowly going nuts ahead of the upcoming presidential election.

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Weiner Schweine Schmuck-Musik Opens On Broadway

New York City – (SatireWorld.com) A new musical about the life of failed US Congressman Anthony Weiner is to premiere on Broadway this week based loosely on what critics describe as ‘A Serenade In F-Sharp For G String With A Minor’.

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Lost? Scared? Heading For A Pre-Election Bladder Seizure?? Latest Mobile Tools Alert Clinton Family Of Hillary’s Location, Status, Bloodpressure C*unt, etc

New York City – (SatireWorld.com) “So far none of her mobile apps, wearables or social media site contacts appears to have been infiltrated,” a campaign mouthpiece said today amid reports that Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has been security tagged with a high tech ankle bracelet that alerts Bill, Chelsea and/or much of the Clinton […]

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EU Hits Apple With Donziger-Style Racketeering Lawsuit

Brussels, Belgium, Arsehole Of The Universe – (SatireWorld.com) Not since Ecuadorian madman Rafael Correa tried pissing all over Chevron in a corrupt $19bn racketeering lawsuit comprehensively shot down by the US courts has an American corporation been targeted so cynically by shady foreign chancers gunning for a heist.

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Menstrual Psychosis Dogged Hillary Clinton’s FLOTUS Years

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) Abandoned for posterity inside her cavernous punani during the notorious 1992-2000 Clinton/Gore period, a rancid tampon may have been behind almost a decade of the former Fist Lady’s bloody tantrums according to the latest forensic psychiatry report.

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Blue Dog Dems Rally Support In New Chandra Levy Murder Probe

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) Pals of Gary Condit, the former US Congressman exonerated in the federal investigation of murdered 24 year-old DC intern Chandra Levy, are amassing an evidence dossier of ‘rogue’ Party members suspected of a cover-up in the 2001 Rock Creek Park killing.

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Black Thighs Matter As US Protest Spreads To UK

London, UK – (SatireWorld.com) There was heavy disruption close to Heathrow Airport this morning when a group of grossly corpulent activists chained themselves to the freeway in protest at police law enforcement of local gang thuggery.

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Monica Lewinsky Mulls $50,000 Fee To Inaugurate London’s Fellatio Cafe

London, UK, The Seat of Empire – (SatireWorld.com) Offering a ‘free’ blowjob with each mouthwateringly priced $100 cappuccino a new oral sex-themed restaurant in London is hoping to lure former Clinton intern Monica Lewinsky to do the honors at its official opening next month.

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Vileness Most Horrid As Brits Recall Cold Blooded Execution Of PM May’s Gorgeous Little Pooch

Downing Street, London, The Seat of Empire – (SatireWorld.com) The silence in Whitehall is deafening tonight as diplomatic staff recoil in horror at events in 2013 when a ‘totally nekkid’ former US Secretary of Snakes Hillary Clinton fatally shot then Home Secretary Theresa May’s ten month-old pet Schnauzer Prokofiev following a crack smoking session with […]

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‘UK Ministry For Big Oil Relations’ As New Brit PM Scorns Eco-Truther Crap

London, UK – (SatireWorld.com) “Bollocks to global warming is now official UK government policy,” a spokesperson at the newly-created Ministry for Big Oil Relations said today as new British Prime Minister Theresa May wielded the ax to the Tories’ long term flagshit shop window, the Department for the Environment and Climate Change.

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Hillary Clinton Likened To ‘Sadistic Mental Health Nurse’ by Brits’ Newly-Appointed John Kerry Counterpart

London, UK – (SatireWorld.com) Not content with lampooning Turkey’s daft-as-a-brush misogynist president Recep Tayib Erdogan as a con-genital (sick) goat fucker, newly appointed UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has described Democrat Party presidential nominee Hillary Clinton as resembling a ‘sadistic mental health nurse’.

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See No Weevil, Hear No Weevil As FBI Chief Shrugs Off Clinton Server Bug Report

New York, NY – (Satireworld.com) Computer buggers who harvested classified emails from Hillary Clinton’s highly illicit private server may have sucked up some huge unauthorized privileges – but so the f*** what?

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Climate Change Blamed As Bill Clinton Has Alzheimers Rumor

New York, NY – (Satireworld.com) “She’s gonna dump Bill in a geriatric Supermax,” a DNC spokesperson said today, “soon as the last vote’s been counted on November 8.”

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