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Golden Showers Update: Possession Is Nine-Tenths Of The Law Exorcists Tell Robert Mueller

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) Psycho-surgeons at the Russia Investigation say a succubus – or female sex demon – may have sucked out the President’s brain and laid an egg in the flaccid cavity. So expect more crazy hatch-lings to soon pop out.

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Howdy Doody Moody Rudy

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Presidential sock puppet Rudi Giuliani has been captured on CCTV pimping out a pile of steaming turds ‘like some sort of considered legal opinion’ an Oval Orifice janitor said today.

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‘I Was Just The Poor Door Janitor’ Beleaguered Attorney Tells New York Bar Council

New York City, NY – (SatireWorld.com) A former Obama-Spitzer-Weiner-Schneiderman LLP partner was ‘no more than a front-of-house enforcer’ for Big Roil lawfare bosses a professional standards council heard today.

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Golden Sewers Attorney Pleads The Filth

NYC, NY – (SatireWorld.com): A New York attorney suspected of laundering dirty money who says he ‘never stepped a foot inside the bouncing Check Republic’ will play schtum before the law courts his lawyer said today.

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Syrian Distraction Bumming Ahead Of Comey Book

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com): White House advisers are finessing some unprecedented diversionary moves to steady the President’s hand as ex-FBI chief James Comey’s eagerly awaited memoir readies to hit the shops.

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Steven Donziger Mooted For Trump Legal Team

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com): The New York City lawyer who famously won a $19bn Ecuadorian pollution settlement against US super major Chevron is being head hunted as legal co counsel for President Donald Trump.

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US Feral Marshals Hunt Black Panthers Mole

Buffalo, New York – (SatireWorld.com)- A United States Marshals Service posse is back on the trail of a missing FBI supergrass in compliance with a farce-moving grand jury probe. Sexagenarian fugitive from justice Perry Stalsis, 69, is described as a key prosecution witness about Black Panther Party infiltration of the American establishment.

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Tinker Traitor Soldya Trump?

Chernobyl, Ukraine – (SatireWorld.com): A new book about international espionage names Don T Rump as America’s leading Mafia don, describing him ‘a global tentacle-reach close second’ to top KGB matriarch Queen Elizardbirth Vagina.

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Over-Botoxed Bloodsucker Fails UK Security Check

London – (SatireWorld.com) Secret service bailiffs are poised to evict Meghan Markle from her Kensington Palace safe-house after the ageing American gold digger failed a security background check.

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Brit Thrift Store Chain Swamped With Pervert Staff

London – (SatireWorld.com) – Up to 23,000 suspected sex perverts are manning the tills at 650 state-sponsored thrift shops according to latest government figures released today.

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London Jewel Heist Cops Probe Royal Engagement Bling

London – (SatireWorld.com) – Police on the trail of £30 millionsworth of jewelry from the Hatton Garden heist have issued artist’s impressions of several engagement sparklers suspected of being fenced into eager royal hands.

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Camel Botox Hillary Readies For The Hump

New York City, New York – (SatireWorld.com) Two hundredweight of Botox impounded at a Saudi camel beauty pageant was redirected to Clinton Foundation orifices this morning ahead of its upcoming annual Valentines Day bash.

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London Embassy Siege Latest

London – (SatireWorld.com) Hundreds of police have been deployed outside the Iranian embassy in London this weekend in a concerted bid to ‘stop the bastards escaping’ according to latest diplomatic reports.

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Trump Stumped In Failed US London Embassy Flip

London – (SatireWorld.com) A pair of conjoined parasitic twins very nearly sold America’s London embassy building to Donald Trump for One Measly Dollar according to Royal Courts of Justice papers filed today.

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Spellchecker Bug Behind White House Staffer’s Bum Rush Booting?

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) A computer bug may be in the frame behind the sudden, unexplained firing of Omarosa Manigault Newman, defunct White House Office of Public Liaison communications director, according to latest SatireWorld reports.

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Sexy Rexy Apoplexy At GOP Moves To Install Big Oil Factotum In The White House

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) President Trump is to be removed from orifice and replaced with former ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson, current US Secretary of State, according to a Capitol Hill deep throat briefing today.

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Obama Character Witness Testimony At Saudi Perverts Trial

New York – (SatireWorld.com) Ex-US president Barack Obama has been summonsed as a character witness in the upcoming House of Sword princes corruption trial.

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Lee Harvey Oswald Traveled To Cuba To Witness Barack Obama Nativity Assassination Files Reveal

Havana, Cuba – (SatireWorld.com) “Like second coming of Three Wise Men,” Gordo Bastardo, former governor of Havana’s notorious Pudenda Enorma women’s jail told SatireWorld reporters as newly released JFK assassination files went viral today.

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Motion Picture Academy Strips Weinstein, Vows to ‘Redistribute Oscars To Poor People’

Los Angeles, Calipornia – (SatireWorld.com) Likely beneficiaries under consideration are thought to include bankrupt former porn stars and their disenfranchised crack dealer chums who lost out on hard-won ObamaScare benefits following the election of President Trump last year.

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Swinestein Headlines Trump NRA ‘Bum Stocks’ Ploy

New York – (SatireWorld.com) – Sheepish-looking alleged sex pest Harvey Winestein, 69, was off rehab clinic this weekend amid lurid claims “it’s all a ploy” by the fake news industry to dumb down other, more sordid stuff.

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Assisted Suicide Theory As Top Russian Banker Found Shot Dead

Moscow – [SatireWorld.com] In a case spookily reminiscent of the tragic – and slightly unexplained – 1993 RIP of Clinton White House deputy counsel Vince Foster a senior banker at Moscow’s state-owned GazPogromBank was found ‘suicided’ this morning, with two silver bullets lodged inside his head.

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UN Warns Of Upcoming Catastrophe As 40,000 Face Axe

NYC, New York – (SatireWorld.com) There were scenes of devastation outside the United Nations Plaza today amid a protest by forty thousand of the UN’s 44,000 payroll staff who have suddenly been given the sack.

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Monday’s Solar Eclipse ‘A Kick Up The Ass’ For America’s Anal Bleaching Profession

Los Angeles, California – (SatireWorld.com) Astrologers studying Monday’s upcoming solar eclipse are bullish about the impact on West Coast anal skin lightening facilities according to an authoritative op ed.

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South Pole Calderas Fool Global Warming Cabal

Antarctica – (SatireWorld.com) Climate Change hot air suffered yet another blow this weekend following the publication of the Western Antarctic Research Base report about volcanic eruptions under the Ross Ice Shelf.

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Has a ‘dirty’ Brit general covered up Donald Trump’s Russian origins?

London, UK – (SatireWorld.com) A highly decorated World War III general and former UK Chief of Stuff was being quizzed at a covert location this morning following a dawn raid by officers from Operation Ratsarse.

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Swiss Bank Vault Raid Yields Hundreds Of Nazi-Looted Artworks

Basel, Switzerland – (SatireWorld.com) Swiss police have executed an international search warrant at the headquarters of First Vatican Money-Laundering Bank Of Miracles following a tip-off from the FBI.

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Joe Arpaio Is Trump Pick For Mexico Wall Warden

Fountain Hills, Arizona -(satireworld.com) The ex-Maricopa County sheriff is reported to be first in line for the $500,000 per annum position of keeping Mexicans out of the USA. At 85-years old the Fountain Hills maverick veteran lawman is also bookies’ 5/4 favorite for the controversial Trump Mexican border wall enforcement appointment due to a slew […]

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Tramp Junior Is Putin’s Daughter Says Russian Deep Throat

Moscow – (SatireWorld.com) According to laryngologists at Moscow’s famous Rear, Nose & Throat Hospital flaxen-heired Ms Junior has tested positive following analysis of intimate swabs. The news comes amid rising US-Russian tensions about KGB interference in 2016’s presidential troll. Uh, poll.

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Bader Ginsburg Banana Shot Scuppers Pool Sharks’ Hate Mail Scam

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has ‘sure slipped a mean one’ right past the Trump Camp’s nose in a 9-Ball recluse refusal, the Associated Mess is reporting tonight.

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Rookie Auditions For SCOTUS Garage Band

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) US Supreme Court newby Neil Gorsuch is honing his ‘I-Shot-The-Sheriff’ tonight ahead of next week’s anticipated SCOTUS garage band audition.

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