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Vince Foster ‘Found Out Something Disgusting About Al Gore’: Report

New York – (Satireworld.com) “Just ONE thing? Must have been a lousy lawyer – or numerically dyslectic!” That’s an investigator’s considered opinion about recent headlines describing how former Clinton White House deputy legal counsel and ex-Rose Law partner Vince Foster was discovered RIP at a Fort Marcy Park, Virginia, parking lot in a classic, two-bullet […]

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Dozens DC Pizza Drones Drafted As Congress Sit-In Dems Threaten Gun Control Hunger Strike

Washington DC – (Satireworld.com) – A popular Georgetown pizzeria run by aficionados of the Flying Burrito Brothers was put top of FEMA’s humanitarian aid delivery network as news of the protest broke today.

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Hillary Channels President Frump

New York – (Satireworld.com) – A bomb has gone off in the DNC schmatta closet this weekend as presidential wannabe Hillary Clinton stepped out in her latest frock horror, a natty Oscar de la Rent Boy two-piece from the designer’s Summer 2016 Shortarse Collection.

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OMFG! Chelsea’s Baby Boy Is A Republican!

New York – (Satireworld.com) “The seven pounder was born with a VOTE TRUMP!** birthmark on his temple,” an obstetrician at New York’s Seedy Sign-Eye Hospital tweeted today as a pics of Chelsea Clinton’s latest farrowing went viral on the net.

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Killer Shark Spotted Close to Clintons’ Long Island Rental

Quogue, NY – (Satireworld.com) Nicknamed locally the Whitewater Killer after Bill ‘n’ Hill’s disastrous real estate investment punt a Great White Loan Shark was sighted this morning menacing Long Island’s balmy waters near the Vince Foster Lane private beach where the former Fist Couple is vacationing come August.

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Clitoris Foundation curbs foreign donors

New York – (Satireworld.com): The wannabe Madam President’s charitable organ has been blasted for accepting $$$s from foreign sperm donors with terrible human frights records – including ‘Philosophy of the World’ albums by The Shaggs (1969).

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Jihadis Rewrite Story Of Nativity

Fallujah, Iraq – (Satireworld.com) Islamic Snake terrorists have published their own, twisted tail on the birth of Jesus according to a Red-C-Pedestrian-Times book-review posted on JihadiBaddi.con today.

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Gozza Bullish On Wings Of Desire For Saturday’s Epsom Derby

Newmarket, UK – (Satireworld.com) “Sure knocks the spots off them pesky Irish raiders,” a leading stablehand said today as bookmakers slashed the odds on Wings Of De Sire, the beautiful chestnut colt with strong Northern Dancer bloodlines that’s firing up the nation’s gonads for UK flat racing’s premier prize.

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Bill Clinton Waged War Over ‘Death Of A Princess’ Files

Langley, VA – (Satireworld.com) “Makes British serial child molestor pervert Jimmy Savile look like the bloody virgin Mary,” a former intelligence bigwig said today amid claims Bill Clinton orchestrated a lavish whitewash to save his own fetid foreskin by ‘deleting’ evidence of a horrible predatory past.

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Decriminalization Of Adultery Ahead Of Upcoming Saudi Aramco Fire Sale

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – (Satireworld.com) Sharia Law is to be consigned to the dumpster according to a Kingdom Oil Ministry spokesperson spearheading an unprecedented charm offensive that’s batting its eyelashes at US Big Oil’s $900 billion cash stash.

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Angelina Jolie Being Groomed For Hillary Veep

New York – (Satireworld.com) Rumored to be the brainchild of Goldman Sux bagmen the Clinton/Jolie dream-ticket is the latest punt to mesmerise otherwise sensible US voters into thinking ‘Vote Hillary 2016’ really isn’t some sort of sick joke.

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Realtors’ One-No-Trump Blinder As ‘Chateau Obama’ Contracts Exchanged

Washington DC – (Satireworld.com) The 10-bed, 20-bathroom, $30m Georgetown listing is in hush-hush contract according to back channels at Bulldozerbait & Teardown, realtors to DC’s elite.

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De Blasio’s Home-Stat Outreach Program Bombs As Vagrants Lobby President Tramp

New York City – (Satireworld.com) The presidential candidate has received a deputation of organised NYC vagrants protesting at a Bill de Blasio drive to remove and deport them to shelters ‘close to the Mexican border’ according to reports.

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Foreign Surveillance Intelligence Caught Short As Agenda Neutral Bathroom Flushes Out Suspected Tampon Terrorists

Washington AC/DC – (Satireworld.com) A newly refurbished unisex pubic convenience at the E Barrett Prettyman United Snakes Courthouse was the scene of a nasty homophobic attack on its sanitary towel vending equipment last Friday when vandals daubed obscenities about non-Sharia compliant periodwear.

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Named: Roll Call Of World Leaders Who Have Not Schlepped With Wendi Deng

New York – (Satireworld.com) A poll by online agony aunt DragThruTheMud.con has revealed the Prime Minister of Iceland Sigmundur David Gunn-Laugh-Son sitting top of man-eater Mrs Rupert Murdoch’s refuseniks list after calling her out as ‘a man in drag’ at the Vienna Spring Ball last year.

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Fat Chance Of US Presidency With Chris Christie As Veep

New Jersey – (Satireworld) Emergency liposuction compressors are on standby at Dumbthwacket, official residence of New Jersey’s Governor, amid rapidly spreading rumors the GOP heavyweight has been chosen as Donald T Rump’s running bait. Mate.

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Iranian Dam Nonsense As Elite Hacking Unit Indicted For Tide Of Filth

New York – (Satireworld) An elite gang of Iranian hackers has been indicted by grand jury for multiple intrusion attempts on computerised sewage control sluices at a Westchester County sanitation installation, the Bowman Avenue Dam, reputedly a notorious cybercrime hotspot favored by the Ayatollahs.

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Mandatory ‘Pest Passports’ Mooted As Trump Plans Microchipping Muslims And Democrats

New York – (Satireworld) A study by the influential American College of Veterinary Insurgents this week claims GOP President Donald T Rump will use Executive Privilege to order the compulsory satellite-enabled tracking of ‘varmints’ who are ruining the United Snakes.

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Who Ya Callin’ A Comey Bastard??

Washington AC/DC – (Satireworld) Code breakers gathering for the FBI’s annual cryptology beano this weekend are miffed at the introduction of intrusive ‘cavity’ searches amid mounting speculation that a Bob Hanssen-style communist sympathizer may have infiltrated the Bureau’s legendary decryption division.

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Floyd Wankfiend Gets His Head Around Inscrutable Mandarin Tongue

New York City – (Satireworld) The last time he tried his lick (luck? -Ed) at Chinese Whispers some crinkly oriental ass-hairs got jammed between the molars, triggering a slimy tongue-and-cucumber-sandwich attack. The furtive maneuver eventually cost Goldbum Sux shareholders a cool $100bn as His Honor the Judge sided with the plaintiff before coming down hard […]

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GOP Wives ‘Feigning Rigor Mortis’ To Get That Nancy Reagan Look

Washington DC – (Satireworld) GOP presidential wannabes’ wives are busy emulating the former Fist Lady’s style sense according to a NewYorkGhost.com editorial channeling latest hexoplasm-related fashion tips.

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Barbara Bush Is Next Says White House Astrologer

Washington DC – (Satireworld) ‘Tuesday’s solar eclipse plus apocalyptic asteroids all over her birth chart,’ a soothsayer commented as hundreds of worried (sic) Americans jammed the Fright House switchboard following today’s announcement of the former Fist Lady’s death.

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Mick Jagger: The Night I Told John Lennon I Was Sleeping With Justice Scalia

NYC – (Satireworld) Rock ‘n’ roller Jick Magger reveals to Satireworld reporters how he confided in the famous dead Beatle about his passionate weekend fling with famous Grassy Noel shooter Antonin Scalia, justice of the piss:

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FBI Court Order ‘Bombs’ As San Bernardino Gunman’s iPhone ‘Possibly Booby Trapped’

Los Angeles, California – (Satireworld) Decryption of a terrorist’s iPhone via a custom-built malware program could blow up in the Bureau’s face according to latest intelligence reports.

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Justice Department Pillow-talk: Autopsies For All Eight Remaining SCOTUS Judges

Washington DC – (satireworld) Chief Justice John Roberts, 97, and fellow associate justice Ruth Bader ‘Meinhof’ Ginsburg, 104, will be tested this evening amid growing concerns neither ‘has shown much sign of life’ ever since colleague Antonin Scalia was found RIP on Saturday.

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Hellfire Club Chapel Royal nuptials for Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall

City of London, UK – (Satireworld) A stones-throw from Blackfriars Bridge – underneath which his old mucker Roberto ‘God’s Banker’ Calvi was found ‘suicided’ in June 1982 – stands the illustrious temple of St Bribe’s of Fleet Street, spiritual home of British media and wedding venue to the stars.

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Hillary’s Blast Mango Embarrass with Lloyd Blankfein

New York City – (Satireworld) Ex-Secretary of Snakes Hillary Clinton’s $625,000 Wall Street paycheck came oiled with lubricants a Senate Committee Hearing heard today. “All she had to do was open her mouth,” a Deep-Throat asserted, “for those Goldman Schmux dollars to come pouring out of her orifice. Think ‘Maria Schneider meets Blankfein’s Brando’ – […]

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Empire Snake Building Under Drone Attack

Fifth Avenue, Manhattan – (Satireworld) A runaway drone crashed into the 69th floor of the iconic national historic landmark building today obliterating the world HQ of the Snakes Anonymous human frights organization, global sponsors of terror.

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Catherine Zika Jones denies sex fling with Brazilian mosquito

Hollywood, Ca – (Satireworld.com) Pubic health officials are looking into reports that the Zika virus scare story pandemic has been sexually transmitted during intercourse with the Welsh movie star, mostly via exposure to gnat semen.

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Brazilian head-shrinking virus pandemic: A Psychiatrist explains

Copacabana Bitch, Brazil – (Satireworld.com) Oh, the angst of it all. Are scores of third trimester women’s Landing Strip brazilians really behind a babies’ PTSD pandemic? Alongside brain size defects from some bug-borne anaphylactic schmuck?

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