Archive by Author

Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I understand about you and your wife and people growing apart. I do want to know if you still communicate with her and what she thinks about your living “biblically” with a bunch of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom; The Country Boy Advice Column

Poontang, AR – (satireworld.com) Howdy All Ya’ll! I’ve been gone for over three years now and guess that everybody figured I was dead or something (cuz I’m a really old fart). Well, the truth is even weirder than that.

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Verifying The Gender Of Santa Claus

New Mexico Desert-(satireworld.com) In November of 1998, I received a very disturbing e-mail. It had been forwarded several times, so there was no way to point to the original author or origin. I would like to quote that e-mail in it’s entirety, and then add my own comments:

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom ‘The Country Boy Advice Column’

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom. My wife is pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl).  We are still trying to figure out what to name them.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom’s ‘Country Boy Advice Column’

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, We was driving outside of the town of Toad Suck, Arkansas and we seen a really funny sight.  We’re even sending you the picture.  It’s an outhouse with a satellite dish on the roof.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I saw on the news last night that Walmart is going to start doing breast implants. I know that breast implants use saline pouches, and that saline is just another name for salt water.

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Throckmorton P. Trudblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Salt Lake City, UT – (SatireWorld.com) Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I am getting really tired of the “politically correct” attacking folks for sharing an opinion that goes against their agenda.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, You see flies on dead animals on the side of the road (dogs, cats, coyotes, rabbits, armadillos,…).  You also see flies on cow poop and dog poop and swarming around outhouses.  It seems like every kind of poop and dead animal is attractive for flies.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I understand that illegal aliens get free education, get free housing, get free welfare, get free foodstamps, get Social Security benefits, get free medical care, get driver’s licenses without going through driver’s education courses, get to vote, and DON”T get deported.  I understand that lazy bums who refuse to work get […]

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I ain’t very fast and I am very cautious as a driver of my truck.  As such, I ain’t run a race in many years and never race against any other cars or trucks on the highway.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy CHRISTMAS Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I really like it when my wife gives me something special fer Christmas in a bag that comes from Sears or says Craftsman on it.  When that happens, I know it is something I’m gonna like.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom. My wife is pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl).  We are still trying to figure out what to name them.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, We was driving outside of the town of Toad Suck, Arkansas and we seen a really funny sight.  We’re even sending you the picture.  It’s an outhouse with a satellite dish on the roof.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I will admit that I am somewhat confused by this whole Syria thing. Apparently, one group of ragheads is in a civil war against another group of ragheads and there’s over 100,000 dead already.  Shouldn’t we let ’em keep killing each other since they are basically all our enemies and call […]

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

“Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard this sermon on Sunday at church. The minister said that the number one, most important word was: “God.”

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I got me some questions about this new movie called “The Butler.”

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard a couple of statistics today that just blew my mind. It seems that the number of people working full time jobs in the private sector in the United States is slightly over 97 million.  The number of people, however, receiving free food from the government is now over 101 […]

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Me and my buddy Ralph heard that they were going to have discount boob jobs at Walmart.  We want to sign Ralphs sister up for the service because she is the carpenter’s dream (flat as a board) and a treasure hunter’s dream (a sunken chest) all rolled into one.  Patricia is […]

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Where do I go to apply for a job at the Walmart?  I heard that they are going to be doing boob jobs and making titties bigger at the walmart and I want a job there.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Who would win in a fight: Aunt Jemima or Mrs. Butterworth?

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Women Admit That They Really Don’t Like Chick Flicks

HOllywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Women who agreed to tell the truth as part of a New Year’s Resolution have admitted that they really don’t like Chick Flicks. These romantic movies, often comedies starring Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts, were thought to be highly popular among females. A survey of slightly inebriated women leaving parties after […]

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Verifying the Gender of Santa Claus

New Mexico Desert – (SatireWorld.com) In November of 1998, I received a very disturbing e-mail. It had been forwarded several times, so there was no way to point to the original author or origin. I would like to quote that e-mail in it’s entirety, and then add my own comments: He’s a She

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White House Laundress Admits “First Fart” Was A Wet One

White House Dirty Laundry Room (SatireWorld.com) A White House staffer in the laundry admitted to investigarors looking into the Presidential “First Fart” that Obama’s flatulence episode was “a juicy one.” On Thursday night, at a campaign fund-raising speech in Dover, Delaware, Barack Obama read a command on his teleprompter “fart now,” and then did so. […]

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White House Admits Barney Frank Played Key Role In Osama Bin Laden Killing

The White House – (SatireWorld.com) The White House and Pentagon admitted in a briefing this morning that Congressman Barney Frank played a key role in the infiltration of the Osama Bin Laden compound and in his eventual killing. The Massachusetts man has been called “invaluable in his service to his country in this time of […]

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