by Jalapenoman on 02/03/13 at 1:13 pmOrlando, FL – (SatireWorld.com)
Harold Worth, a former staff writer for this publication, entered our offices in Orlando, Florida yesterday, porkpie hat in hand. Worth had come to make apology to editor Bargis Tryhol and all of the site’s other reporters for derogatory comments that he had made on a recent drunken rage.
Worth stood in front of the room and said that “it’s time to take my medicine. I’m adult enough to admit when I’ve gone overboard and wrong and I’m here to take my lumps. In fact, I’d like to take it like a man… or like a Chamone, whatever you want to call it.”
With that statement, Worth dropped his pants, turned his back to the room, and bent over… offering his available buttocks to the room.
Stunned and uncomfortable silence followed as none of the editors, reporters, or other staffers were willing to take Worth up on his offer. Even Percival Pissgums, former Naval man who served aboard the H.M.S. Buggerall, was unwilling to do the deed.
“Come on, you sissies!,” screamed Harold. “Can’t one of you unzip yourselfs and just give me what I deserve? I said that I was ready to take it like a man!”
A former stringer from Canada, Ms. Godiva, was visiting the editorial office at the time. She offered to give Worth a “spanking,” but said that it wouldn’t be followed with anything the girls of Castle Anthrax wanted.
This, however, was not sufficient to Worth. He pulled up and buckled his trousers and vowed that he would find a soccer team (he called it football, but we know it isn’t) that would punish him the way he wanted and needed it.
The men in the room jointly voted to use Worth’s severance check to call in a stripper to wiggle her ass in front of them for a while so that they could get the image of Harold’s butt out of their minds.
Editors Note: Peculiar as it was, the staffers and reporters noted an odd tattoo on Worth’s ass…After replaying the room’s video camera, we could makeout the tattoo as ‘user instructions’ written in English, French, Arabic, Swahili, and Ebonics. It confirmed our suspicions that indeed Harold Worth was truly an international man.