Agricultural Department Employee Becomes First Federal Employee Actually Fired Under Obama Administration
by Molon Labe on 13/04/14 at 6:44 am
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
It finally happened. A federal employee was fired today becoming the first federal employee to be terminated since 2009. Even after the debacle of Obamacare and Sibelious. Even after IRS lies and deceit. Even after incompetence killed four US citizens in Benghazi. Even after billions of dollars were shoveled down empty holes like the Solyndra solar panel company. Even after giving Al Gore millions of taxpayer dollars to finance a wind-up car company that went bust just as the federal dollars hit its bank account, a man named Ed Smith from Lebanon Tennesse was handed a pink slip and escorted from the Bullrush County agricultural extension.
Ed Smith isn’t gay. Ed Smith isn’t black. Ed Smith is married to a real female. Ed Smith likes baseball, hotdogs, a Sunday newspaper over fresh brewed coffee, and an occasional trip to Disney with his family during his two-week vacation. ED was a navy veteran. Did I mention Ed opted out of joining the federal egg handlers union?
A twenty-five year veteran of the Federal Farms and Subsidy Administration, Ed Smith came to work every day as an egg inspector where he sat for 8 hours and watched thousands of eggs pass by on a conveyor belt in front of a bright light looking for egg defects that matched the criteria set out in a 1,400 page federal egg manual on ‘federal egg specifications’ mandated by the FDA. That all ended on a bleak snowy morning in early March when his boss sent security to pull him from his post on the egg line and excort him to a small room with just a chair and small table where he sat for two hours waiting for his boss.
Ed like most Americans had a pet at home. A small mixed breed mutt who somehow weaseled itself into heart and home, yet refused to be housebroken. One day Ed took a photo of Tipsy the Mutt taking a duece on a current edition of Socialist’s Agenda Magazine his kids had to read for their social studies classes at Lebanon High School.
The resulting photo as a hit! Tipsy was caught plopping a duece right on the magazine cover! When he showed the guys down at the American Legion they laughed so hard that 103 year old Sgt. Melvin Portsmith had a convulsion and passed into a coma. Ed’s closest buddy ‘Che Che’ Davenport laughed so hard blew beer out of his nose! Even his wife’s stupid brother Jake slapped his knee and howled when he saw the 8×10 glossy photo and wanted one for himself to frame and hang in his living room.
The actual trouble began when Ed took the prized photo and taped inside his locker door at work. Fellow worker Moboto Cheba happened to see it when passing through the locker room on his way to the weekly Social Block Captain meeting where he and other block captains reported on ‘proper employee morale’ issues to the local Department of Agriculure inspector from Washington, DC.
Ed finally met his boss and was given a two-week severence package. His personal effects. And was striped of his name tag and federal egg candeling certificate, then shown the door to the parking lot.
Ed Smith proudly held his head high as he stepped out into the blustery cold and instantly became famous for becoming….The First Man Fired From a Federal Job Since 2009!
Today, Ed has made the celebrity rounds of CNN, FOX News, the CBS Morning Show, the Ed Show on MSNBC and ABCs The View where he was chastised by Whoopi Goldberg for faking his employment credentials and having participated in ‘White Privilage’ issues his whole life.