by Jon Worthington on 10/12/14 at 7:40 am
Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com)
Ronald McDonald is falling on hard times after a 47 year run as the official spokesman and mascot for the fast food hamburger giant McDonalds. Citing unresponsive interest in youngsters now preoccupied with apps, gaming, and computers, todays children find the yellow-jumpered mascot, well, just plain boring.
At an upcoming shareholders meeting, challengers to the fate of Ronald have laid out an agenda to dump the red-haired icon based on nutritional trends and the prospects of future generations raising overweight children due to Ronald McDonald’s influence on kids unhealthy eating habits. Citing a drop in revenue in excess of 10%, Directors refused to say a panic is developing amongst investors, but did say they’ve heard some concerns lately from large portfolio holders.
Ronald McDonald isn’t taking any chances of being out of work or without employment in case his future back at corporate McDonald doesn’t go his way…Ronald has begun a career in porn movies and plans to take his iconic character a step up the maturity ladder. According to Ronald, “Look, all the kids that grew up with me are adults now. I can still give them some nostalgia by appearing in X-rated DVDs, plus pay tribute to a life of eating fast-food that hasn’t killed me, or affected my sexual prowness.”
Action Videos, a California studio that specializes in hardcore pornography, has retained Ronald McDonald and the Hamburgler to star in a sex action movie entitled ‘The Double Big Mac Behind The Green Door.’ Dubbed the Deep Throat of hamburger porn, the action sizzler promises to wet the whistle of even the most porn worthy afficianados.
Action Videos CEO summed it up in a few words…”You want super-sized? We got it!”