US Government to develop and Train Miniature Commercial Drone Pilots

by on 01/04/15 at 6:12 am

Amazon's first pilot says he's happy to be a pilot but wishes the pedals were closer

Amazon’s first pilot says he’s happy to be a pilot but wishes the pedals were closer

Seattle WA – (satireworld.com)

Amazon Corporate Management announced a plan to ship small packages from their local city distribution facilities up to 10 miles, at an altitude of 500 feet (below manned aircraft altitudes), via commercial unmanned drone aircraft. The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) dragged their bureaucratic feet for six months before producing commercial unmanned drone regulations.

When the FAA rules were finally posted commercial drones were limited to an altitude of 400 feet, a line of sight distance and must be controlled by a licensed small aircraft pilot. Such regulations are no better than remote controlled model airplane rules (no pilot required) of the 1950’s and basically defeated the use of commercial unmanned drones.

FAA engineers called Amazon Corporate Management with an idea the agency was working on, but would Amazon Inc consider employing larger drones. A number of midgets (Oops not politically correct: little people or vertically challenged individuals.) with private pilots licenses were available to pilot the drones at 400 feet. Amazon Corporate Management said they would think about the proposal and busted a gut with laughter after the call was terminated.

The FAA proposal was cut short by a letter from Senator Dick Durban (D-IL) to the FAA administrator chastising his agency for not employing African-American, lesbian, vertically challenged women. The FAA administrator agreed with the Senator.

President Obama was kept abreast of the commercial drone situation by his daily reading of the Washington Post, but wouldn’t let the FAA change the regulations. That evening while President Obama and First lady Michelle were watching the movie “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” (Walt Disney Pictures, 1989), they came up with a new commercial drone proposal.

President Obama then called Amazon Inc Corporate Management (PST, 3 hours earlier than EST), the FAA administrator and engineers all on a cell phone conference call. The president proposed that the FAA would form a public-private partnership with Amazon Inc to really miniaturize ethnically diverse people to pilot the existing smaller size commercial drones. I can raise $1 trillion by asking Congress to levy new climate change taxes on US citizens to pay for the development and training of the miniature ObamaPilots. We can probably do it in two years, like the ObamaCare rollout was supposed to be. Amazon would have to agree to a 40% corporate tax, ObamaCare enrollment for all Amazon Inc employees and an FAA inspector at each commercial drone facility.

Mr. President, Amazon Corporate Management thanks you for your gracious offer. But our corporate lawyers are fearful that ObamaCare and Amazon’s liability insurance costs would be horrendous and won’t be able to cover the ObamaPilots from getting stepped on, lost or eaten by stray animals and insects!



One Response to “US Government to develop and Train Miniature Commercial Drone Pilots”

  1. Walter Bucket

    Apr 1st, 2015

    With today’s technology, I think we should thaw out Ted Williams head and have him head up the team. Ted is a vet.

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