Blue Bell Lays Off 1400 Workers After Listeria Flavored Ice Cream Bombs

by on 16/05/15 at 6:42 am

Customers disliked the 'green wiggly things,'  and the expected projectile vomiting after eating a bowl of 'Listeria Larry's Lucky Vanilla'

First of all, customers disliked the ‘green wiggly things’ that ended up at the bottom of the ice cream bowl. Secondly, the printed warning on the carton that warned of ‘suffering a severe case of projectile vomiting’ after eating a bowl of ‘Listeria Larry’s Lucky Tutti Fruity’

Austin, TX – (satireworld.com)

Blue Bell Creameries will lay off more than a third of its workforce following a series of listeria contamination problems linked to its packaged ice cream that prompted a nationwide recall of all its products, the Texas company announced Friday.

The company, whose production plants remain closed, said 750 full-time employees and 700 part-time workers are losing their jobs. That represents about 37 percent of its 3,900 employees.
Another 1,400 workers will be furloughed but will be still receive a substantial portion of their current pay and up to 100 half-gallons of Hit the Rocky Road ice cream.

Employees essential to the ongoing cleanup and repair efforts will continue working but have their pay reduced to about 20%, Blue Bell said today in a press release. Several steam cleaning trucks have been parked for almost 7 weeks outside company production plants and 700 dumpsters have been placed on-site to cart off ice cream sludge that health officials says is contaminated with “real icky stuff.”

The company’s production plants in Texas, Oklahoma and Alabama have been closed since Blue Bell issued a full recall in April, after more of its products tested positive for listeria. The company’s ice cream has been linked to 10 listeria illnesses in four states, including three deaths in Kansas.

Blue Bell CEO and President Paul Kruse called the decision to layoff and furlough workers the ‘most difficult one I have had to make’ as head of the company…..

‘At Blue Bell, our employees are part of our family, and we did everything we could to keep people on our payroll for as long as possible.’

According to Betty Myers, a 30 year Blue Bell employee who was fired today, “Kruse didn’t have to suffer the same fate. That ass wipe still has a job!”

According to food service experts, the company had listeria contamination problems for several years and didn’t disclose their findings to the authorities and continued to ship products.

Recent attempts to poke fun at itself, and with hopes to garner some sympathy from loyal customers, in early May Blue Bell introduced a new flavor ‘Listeria Larry’s Lucky Tutti Fruity.’ The marketing plan backfired when only four gallons were sold in the tri-state area.

Several ice cream gourmets said the prospect of a grisly death was a concern that played an important part of their rejecting the product and trying other brands.



3 Responses to “Blue Bell Lays Off 1400 Workers After Listeria Flavored Ice Cream Bombs”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    May 16th, 2015

    “Listeria Larry’s Lucky Tutti Fruity,” will now be marketed under the Blue Ball label!

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    May 16th, 2015

    Who left the door open for the San Francisco troll to get in?

    • Bargis

      May 17th, 2015

      It’s Skoob and he’s snuck up through the toilet while swimming after a morsel he wanted for dinner

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