by Oleg Penkovsky on 14/03/16 at 2:58 pm
New York City – (Satireworld)
The last time he tried his lick (luck? -Ed) at Chinese Whispers some crinkly oriental ass-hairs got jammed between the molars, triggering a slimy tongue-and-cucumber-sandwich attack. The furtive maneuver eventually cost Goldbum Sux shareholders a cool $100bn as His Honor the Judge sided with the plaintiff before coming down hard on the useless Off-The-Wall-Street twat.
Reviewing the judgement a Fang & Claw LLP lawyer told SW reporters that their client initially denied smoking crack with self-styled human frights guru Mrs Mavis Buttdribble, 69, – or being egged on by her to ‘fertilise’ a sometime Goldbum client whom she’d stalked all over Ecuador while high on crystal meth.
However Buttdribble’s testimony was comprehensively rubbished by the plaintiff’s attorney who wiped his ass – uh, the floor! – with the ‘evidence’ describing Plankfiend as a cute and cuddly banker who was merely hedging his bits. Bets.
‘What happened at the Bates Mandarin Oriental Motel defied law and order as we know it,’ attorney-at-law Sue Yepanzorf commented.
‘Pleading mitigation that ‘Hillary put him up to it’ only made the Judge madder at Clankweed’s entire crap.’