Lost Fan Viewership Sparks On Field Rule Changes In NFL Boardroom

by on 22/10/17 at 7:58 am

Cheerleaders are  part of an NFL team and will be subject to the new rules as well.

Cheerleaders are part of an NFL team and will be subject to the new rules as well.

Patriot fans Mark O'Leary and Tom Kelly say they're enthusiastic about seeing blood and carnage on the field. "About time those over-paid pansies earn their living!"

Patriot fans Mark O’Leary and Tom Kelly say they’re enthusiastic about seeing blood and carnage on the field.
“About time those over-paid pansies earn their living!”

Jerry Sandusky says "he's behind the kids on the field."

Jerry Sandusky says “he’s behind the kids on the field.”

According to a Dallas Cowboy spokesperson, 'the new rules include anal penetration by a foreign object and will now be allowed in the last 5 minutes of the fourth quarter of a tied game. This rule only pertains to players on the field.

According to a Dallas Cowboy spokesperson, ‘the new rules include anal penetration by a foreign object and will now be allowed in the last 5 minutes of the fourth quarter of a tied game. This rule only pertains to players on the field.

Liberal comic Amy Shumer says she might give NFL cheer leading a try as it would give her a chance to meet a lot of new guys every week.

Liberal comic Amy Shumer says she might give NFL cheer leading a try as it would give her a chance to meet a lot of new guys every week.


New York, NY – (satireworld.com)

The ratings for NFL “Thursday Night Football” continued to drop again this week, scoring a 9.9/17 in metered market results on CBS and the NFL Network, according to Deadline Friday. Weeks of fan turn-off sparked by inappropriate protests during the national anthem have affected team revenues and further blackened the reputation of the NFL’s leadership. Efforts to boost viewership will include changes in the rules players abide by on the field and NFL hope’s are that the new rules will spark dramatic changes in viewership.

NFL leadership claims the Player’s Union is on board as well as, the referee
organization that enforces player rulings on the field during games. “We understand changes needed to be made to make the game more interesting and to broaden our fan base among all age groups and political affiliations,” said Chris Weathers, an NFL spokesperson in New York. Weathers also addressed the dismal television ratings the NFL has suffered the past months.

The AFC-West battle that saw the Oakland Raiders eek out a victory over the Kansas City Chiefs 31-30 Thursday night in Oakland did not do enough to turn around the ratings struggle that the National Football League and networks have been facing this year. The “TNF” ratings were 17 percent lower than the previous week’s game in early numbers. This decrease translates to millions of dollars in lost revenue to NFL franchises.

The fall continues, with last week’s game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Carolina Panthers scoring 2.6 million viewers, which was 48 percent lower than the week prior.

The new rules which will go into effect immediately are the first changes to professional football rules since 1921. Many feel the changes will rekindle interest in pro football and could sweep changes in other professional sports in the US.

The first change will affect salaries of professional players. It is controversial, but experts say the change will allow fairness and reflect typical incentives found in the private sector job market. There are over twenty new rules. The top three changes most fans are interested in are:

1) Only the winning team and the coaching staff will be paid from a fund that’s contributed to by both playing teams. This will allow a double-payout to the winning team as the losing team forfeits their entire game salary from that match-up and the winning team gets to keep their regular salary.

2) The losing team from the weekly match-up must give up their team cheerleaders to the other team for up to 24 hours. Mascots are also subject to this rule. Losing crybabies will also be included.

3) A strict enforcement on political statements will immediately take effect. Any player or any coaching staff member must stand during the national anthem. Any other physical position taken in protest must be maintained during the entire game while on the field or on the sidelines.

Experts say ‘taking a knee’ will make it very difficult for a center position player to effectively ‘hike’ the ball to the quarterback. Running backs will also be hindered by this new rule. Those hoisting a ‘middle finger protest’ must maintain that posture while on the field.



2 Responses to “Lost Fan Viewership Sparks On Field Rule Changes In NFL Boardroom”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 22nd, 2017

    Late Breaking: Addition to Rule 2 on Cheerleader squads,,

    a) Maxine Waters (D-CA) will join the Oakland Raiders,

    b) Hillary Clinton (D-NY) will Join the NY Jets,

    c) Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) will join the Baltimore Ravens,

    d) Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) will Join the Dallas Cowboys,

    e) Susan Rice will join the Washington Redskins,

    f) Frederica Wilson (D-FL) will join the Miami Dolphins, and

    f) Michelle Obama will join the Chicago Bears.

  2. […] Praise! to Satireworld via […]

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