Archive for 'Business'
US Posts Consumer Warning: Horse Meat Detected In Famous Budweiser Clydesdales
St. Louis, MO – (SatireWorld.com) The Anheuser-Busch corporation notified stockholders that a recent analysis of some Budweiser products showed a high percentage of horse meat in the company’s mascot and world-famous team of Clydesdales.
Full StoryNBC to Debut “Little Barry and the Choom Gang” Show for Children in September
Rockerfeller Center, NYC- (SatireWorld.com) NBC Network, in cooperation with the newly created cabinet department (The Department of Truth), will jointly produce and air ‘Little Barry and the Choom Gang’ beginning with the 2013-2014 school year in September. The show will follow the exploits of Little Barry Obama (the fictitious son of President Barack Obama) and [...]
Full StoryMillions Celebrate Inauguration Day Buying New Guns and Ammo
Somewhere in New Mexico….. A SatireWorld.com Exclusive Financial experts believe that Monday January 21st, 2013 may be the highest selling day for ammunition and new gun sales in United States history. Many Americans chose to use their Second Amendment rights to purchase new firearms rather than “celebrate” the presidential inauguration and Martin Luther King Day.
Full StoryNorth Florida Gold Rush Spurs Record Heavy Equipment Sales
Blountstown, FL Henry Miller is one busy man. His 34 year old John Deere dealership in Bloutstown has skyrocketed to the position of number one in excavator sales in the whole Southeast because of the recent gold strike on Parker’s Creek. Miller Equipment Sales recently sold its 27th John Deere 220D excavator in a six-week [...]
Full StoryMassive Gold Find Revealed in Florida Panhandle Stream Bed
Blountstown, Florida – (SatireWorld.com) The last thing 44 year old Van Pebbles thought he’d ever be was rich and famous, but a short walk across a familiar stream changed his life last September.
Full StoryHammer and Club Ban Set To Take Effect After FBI Warning
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) According to the FBI annual crime statistics, the number of murders committed annually with hammers and clubs far outnumbers the number of murders committed with a rifle.
Full StoryPlastic Surgeons Now Offering Rent To Own Services
Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) First, you could rent a house. Renting cars and moving vans were followed by renting to own furniture, electronics, or appliances. The next evolutionary steps were rent to own tires and rent to own home computers. The latest innovation in this fast growing industry are rent-to-own breast implants!
Full StoryWalMart Shocks Wall Street With Total and Full Store Robotic Automation. One Million Workers to Be Laid Off!
Benton, AK – (SatireWorld.com) During the annual report for stockholders of the world’s largest retailer, the Board of Directors announced a new direction for WalMart. President Ira Walton unveiled plans to fully intergrate all stores into a fully automated system eliminating 99% of all employess by May 2013.
Full StoryAFL-CIO Chief Trumpka Stunned By WalMart Offering Union Members an Additional 20% Discount To Tear Up Their Union Cards!
Bentonville, AR – (SatireWorld.com) Today, Walmart U.S. reported its best ever Black Friday events. The retailer saw larger crowds than last year and a huge response to its first ever one-hour guarantee on key electronic items in spite of threatened employee walk-outs organized by union officials eager to sign America’s largest private employer as a [...]
Full StoryApple Introduces New “I-Farted”
Silicon Valley, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Apple proudly unveiled their newest “I” product today, joining the family that includes the I-phone and the I-pad. The I-farted will be available for sale at the price of $229.95 (with Black Friday sales prices of $169.95 in many locations). Many retailers expect people to camp out overnight to take [...]
Full StoryCity of San Francisco Promises Hostess ‘Twinkies’ A Home
San Francisco, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The San Francisco City Council held a prime time news conference to announce some good news for the city by the bay inhabitants…We are now 100 percent gay and Twinkies are here to stay!
Full StoryObama’s Attempt to Replace Jeep with Off Road Version of Chevy Volt Goes up In Flames!
Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com) Coinciding with Fiat’s announcement that it was planning to move Jeep production to China, the Federal Transportation System announced the immediate recall of President Obama’s signature pilot program for the off road version of the Chevy Volt, designated as “The Lightning Bug’.
Full StoryBig Labor Unions Visits Obama White House Over 500 Times in 3 Years
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Lobbyists for the nation’s largest labor unions have had the run of the White House during its occupancy by President Obama who pledged from his first day in office to curb political influence.
Full StoryNTSB Rules ‘Wet Farts’ Not Vehicular Accidents
The National Transportation Safety Board has ruled that “Juicy Farts” will not count as vehicular accidents for insurance purposes. In the wording of the ruling, the NTSB stated that “even though having a juicy fart can be called having an accident, it is not the kind of accident that should lead to the filing of [...]
Full StoryFart Book Founder says on TV he owns 20 T-shirts but only 1 pair of Boxers!
New York City – (SatireWorld.com) Mark Yuckerberg admitted to Today’s Matt Lauer what everyone close to the 28 year old billionaire already knows: he smells like S***t!
Full StoryUnemployed Harold Worth-Less Finds Jobs A Scarce Commodity
Burlington(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Harold Worth-Less is a familiar figure at the job search center in downtown Burlington where for the past 17 years he’s been diligently looking for steady employment. Plagued with personal troubles holding a steady job, the errant factory worker averages 4 months of employment before management realizes he’s a poor performing liability [...]
Full StoryBarney Frank Enjoys His $5 Footlongs
Boston, MA – (SatireWorld.com) Senator Barney Frank admitted today that he enjoys going to Subway for his $5 footlong. The Massachusetts Democrat said that it is his favorite fast food place to go when he wants to “eat” and “get filled up.”
Full StoryObama Administration Grants Amnesty to Frito Bandito
El Paso, TX – (SatireWorld.com) The Frito Bandito, a former thief, cowboy, and pistolero from Mexico, has been granted amnesty by the INS at the urging of the Obama White House. The bandito has been living as an illegal alien in El Paso, Texas since his ad campaign and reign of terror for Fritos Corn [...]
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