Archive for 'Redneck Advice'

Throckmorton P. Turdblossom; The Country Boy Advice Column

Poontang, AR – (satireworld.com) Howdy All Ya’ll! I’ve been gone for over three years now and guess that everybody figured I was dead or something (cuz I’m a really old fart). Well, the truth is even weirder than that.

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Turkish Cleric Warns About Masturbation

Istanbul, Turkey – (satireworld.com) A Muslim cleric has warned that men who pleasure themselves could make their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

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Meghan McCain Threatens Trump Over Twinkie Plant Closing

Muffinville, AZ – (SatireWorld.com) Pampered snot-bag and full time RINO, Meghan McCain threatened to cutoff all and any affiliation with the Republican Party after talks with fellow View panelists who placed the blame on Republicans for Hostess Brands shuttering its Twinkie plant doors in Texas after years of union unrest. Her apparent unhappiness with Republicans […]

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Game Host Vanna White Resigns From Wheel of Fortune After 35 Years

Wheel of Fortune – (satireworld.com) After 35 years Vanna White has called it quits at Wheel of Fortune, one of TV’s most popular shows. The resignation caused a furor after it was discovered that the show’s computer system was hacked by Russians.

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1500 Mile Appalachian Trail Paved Bike Path Gets EPA Thumbs Up

Washington, DC – Policy changes in national parks primitive area usage rested upon a pending decision by both the EPA and Interior Department over allowing full access to natural trail systems by handicapped and other physically limited users.

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Local Farmer Complains of ‘Sore Nose’ After Visit By History Channel’s American Pickers

Dawson, GA-(satireworld.com) Georgia Farmer Elmer Cadfrey thought Tuesday’s visit by the History Channel’s American Pickers would be a profitable day for him and a chance to unload a lifetime of junk he collected in two of his three large Civil war era barns. Sadly, he spent most of the day down at the Dawson Health […]

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Camel Botox Hillary Readies For The Hump

New York City, New York – (SatireWorld.com) Two hundredweight of Botox impounded at a Saudi camel beauty pageant was redirected to Clinton Foundation orifices this morning ahead of its upcoming annual Valentines Day bash.

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Satire World Celebrates Christmas With Its Own Greeting Card!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM SATIRE WORLD!

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Dog shoots owner with a shotgun in ‘freak accident’ during pheasant hunt

+Hunter Nelson Hodges II, 36, was shot on Wednesday in Northern Iowa. +His German Shorthaired Pointer Daisy Mae stepped on the trigger of a 12 gauge shotgun. +Hodges was peppered with birdshot in the groin but will survive the incident. Glider Falls, Iowa – (satireworld.com) A dog has blasted a man with a shotgun during […]

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Want Gun Control? Careful What You Wish For!

SatireWorld.com How’s About Some Gun Control…………. Sure, lets enact a true “Law on Firearms and Ammunition.” This law will require anyone who owns a firearm, or who wants to own a firearm in the future, to register their intentions with our Federal authorities and apply for a simple permit and a universal Firearm ID card.

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President Trump First Presidential Citation to be Awarded to Departing Barack Obama

Trump Transition Team, NY – (SatireWorld.com) President-elect Donald Trump spoke with reporters for a few minutes today before leaving for Manhattan. He spoke of his immediate plans upon taking the oath of office in January.

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Democrats To Retire Party Symbol After Bruising 2016 Defeat

Democratic National Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com) The Democrats party symbol has been around a very long time. Many questioned the use of a simple jackass as their mascot and silently hoped that people would think it was a cute little donkey, but in reality the jackass pretty much summed up what most people thought of the […]

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Clown Lives Matter

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The ‘creepy clown’ craze has resulted in #ClownLivesMatter trending on social media, angering some #BlackLivesMatter supporters and causing a very bizarre twitter showdown.

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Report of Clown Sightings Put Washington DC Residents on Edge

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Reports of scary Democratic Party Clowns lurking in the shadows and trying to lure innocent voters into the murkiness of Washington, DC political promises and lies have patriotic families in a frenzy, Democratic candidates nervous, and Twitter users all jittery.

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Weiner Holder Announces Surprise 2016 Presidential Bid

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) BREAKING NEWS! As if 2016 wasn’t full of enough political surprises! This afternoon at 2 PM a joint press conference with both ex-congressman Anthony Weiner and ex-US Attorney General Eric Holder surprised even the most seasoned experts by announcing a bid for the US presidency and Vice Presidency.

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Study Shows Hillary Supporters Have Low IQ Scores

Denver, CO – (satireworld.com) The Institute for Freedom released its annual report on American politics and it shared some profound revelations. Professor Sidney Campbell’s report highlighted the disparity in current voting trends and some eye opening facts about Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

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BATF Employee Admits Masturbating While On The Job Preparing Illegal Gun Owner Lists

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) A senior official at the Bureau of Alcohol,Tobacco,and Firearms Office of Inspector General testified Wednesday that a a 57 year old career BATF official stored thousands of illegal gun owner records on file on his government computer, and has admitted to watching porn and ‘choking-the-chicken a lot’ while at work, sometimes […]

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New Millionaires Are Common After Blountstown’s Massive Gold Strike

Blountstown, FL – (satireworld.com) The Blountstown Chamber of Commerce released its newest report on the recent discover of massive gold deposits that have placed the once sleepy Florida Panhandle town on the map of richest places to live in America. Chamber President Cletus Moore included in the report of 87 locals who are newly-made millionaires. […]

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Canada Plans To Stop Disillusioned Bernie-Bots From Migrating Northward Pending Saunders Defeat

Ottawa, Canada – (satireworld.com) The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Trump supporters are prompting an exodus among Bernie Saunders’ supporters who fear they’ll soon be required to become responsible […]

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A Second Poll Shows Americans OPPOSE Assault Weapons Ban for First Time Ever

New York City – (satireworld.com) Wow! Times they are a-changing! A second national poll from a major media outlet in the past week has found a majority of Americans now oppose a ban on so-called assault weapons even after the New York Times published an editorial on its front page supporting a ban and tougher […]

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Do Charcoal Lives Matter Too?

Fresno County, CA – (satireworld.com) A suspected burglar who became stuck in the chimney of a Central California home died of burns and smoke inhalation after the home’s elderly owner lit a fire in the fireplace, fire officials said Sunday.

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Farmer Complains of Sore Nose After Visit By TV’s ‘American Pickers’

Barnswood, IA – (satireworld.com) Farmer Elmer Cadfrey thought Tuesday’s visit by the History Channel’s American Picker duo would be a profitable day for him and a chance to unload a lifetime of junk he collected in two of his three barns. Sadly, he spent most of the day down at the Merriweather Health Clinic with […]

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White Lesbian Sues Sperm Bank After Black Baby Mix-up

Cowplains, IL – (satireworld.com) A white lesbian woman who sued after she was accidentally impregnated with the sperm of an African American man will be forced to refile the lawsuit after an Illinois judge tossed out her claim against the sperm bank as a frivolous and stupid lawsuit.

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On-Air Shooting by Black Man Sparks Widespread Violence Among Whites

Chicago, IL – (satireworld.com) In strong reaction to the on-air double murder of two white people at the hands of a gay, black racist, white America has become enraged and is lashing out with riots and setting things on fire because they know of no other way of dealing with such tragedy. The protesting acts […]

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Shaun King Defends Being Black By Claiming Mother Had Affair

BlackLivesMatterLand – (satireworld.com) Shaun King, a white guy caught up in the world of thug make believe, doubled down on his assertions that he’s black, well, mocha anyway after critics of the BlackLivesMatter movement suggested he was really white after his parents came out in public claiming they had two white sons. Claiming one was […]

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NYC Mayor de Blasio Orders Last Confederate Flag Removed From City Office Building

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) New York City mayor Bill deBlasio ordered city workers to remove the last remaining Confederate Battle flag flying from a city office. The flag which has flown there for over 100 years was removed and placed in a brown paper bag for safekeeping.

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Al Sharpton: “I Know Rachel Dolezal Is Black!”

Spokane, WA – (satireworld.com) Almost the first to jump in and vouch for the blackness of the Spokane Washington NAACP’s chapter leader who’s been accused of faking blackness was black activist, police informer, and tax cheat Al Sharpton who showed his support for Rachael Dolezal, who in recent days was unveiled by family members as […]

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Bargis Tryhol Makes It Official…Enters 2016 Presidential Race

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Bargis Tryhol, the endearing and witty writer turned political activist and now 2016 Presidential Candidate, has issued his own stimulus plan to end the Obama-nomic turn down stagnating the entire US economy. Today Tryhol released his own 'Economic Stimulus' he plans to implement immediately upon taking office in January 2017.

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Man Wakes Up In Morgue

(Portsmouth (UK) – (satireworld.com) It was one of those nights for 68 year old Ian Younge. One of those nights when “just gimmee one more” seemed like a good idea – but in fact really wasn’t such a good idea. Younge was found dressed in woman’s clothing while passed out on a bus stop bench […]

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Jalapenoman’s Political Thoughts of the Day

My political thought for the day: (satireworld.com) Apparently, four people have announced their candidacy for the office of President in the 2016 elections: Democrat Clinton and Republicans Cruz, Rubio, and Paul. There may be more, but I am aware of those four.

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