Archive for 'Science & Tech'

Giant African Snails Invade Miami Florida

Miami, Fl – (satireworld.com) Four years after the first African giant snails appeared in Miami, they’ve spread to the suburbs and there seems to be no stopping them. Though massive, with the largest yet recorded around seventeen inches long and weighing a sturdy 11 pounds, the snails disappear underground during working hours where they stay […]

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Florida Child Welfare Agency Orders Crackdown On Planned Parenthood Citing ‘ Tater Tots’ And ‘Baby Back Ribs’ Harvesting.’

Tallahassee, FL (satireworld.com) The Florida Department of Health and Human Services launched the biggest child abuse crackdown in the agency’s history. Citing various infractions of both state and federal laws, the enforcement division of the HHS, made simultaneous raids at Planned Parenthood locations across the state.

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US Department of Planets Authenticates Pluto As An Official Planet

US Geological Survey US Department of Planets Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The US Department of Planets (USDOP) officially gave its blessing and has now listed Pluto as a verified planet after years of on again/off again speculation that it was merely a collection of ice and rocks without a specific planetary form.

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Kerry: ‘Iran Limited To 30,000 Pound Nuke Warheads’

Geneva, Switzerland – (satireworld.com) In a sweeping announcement at the end of months of negotiation, Secretary of State John Kerry outlined the signed weapons treaty that limits Iran’s future nuclear capability.

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DNA Doesn’t Lie!

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The House Committee looking into former Secretary of State (SOS) Hillary Clinton’s private email server found email correspondence dated July 15, 2012 from the DNA Investigative Research Corporation (DIRC). The document is as follows.

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EPA Mandates New Additive for Gasoline

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) Administrator Gina McCarthy announced that commencing in the fall of 2015 US based oil refiners will be required to blend Obamium Oxide (ShO2) into all their gasoline products. The pungent aroma of ShO2 has been found to painlessly remove trans-fats from the human body, just by breathing. The […]

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Josh Earnest Says ‘White House Hasn’t Discounted Using Nukes To Combat ISIS’

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) In the wake of a surprise announcement from the White House over the re-deployment of 450 US troops to Anbar Province in Iraq, Press Secretary Josh Earnest was quoted as saying the President has finally come up with a strategy to combat ISIS which includes using B-52 bombers and strategic nuclear […]

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Obama Announces Solution to Gender Inequality

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) President Obama has long felt that solving “Gender Inequality” is a close second to solving “Climate Change” on the nation’s national priority list. At a Rose Garden press conference the president indicated a solution has been proposed called “Genital Equality.”

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Date Night With Caitlin Jenner and Chaz Bono!

Hollywoodie, CA – (satireworld.com) This is getting a little confusing out in Hollywood-land with ‘he’s’ turning into ‘she’s’ and ‘she’s’ becoming ‘he’s’ with a transgender boom that’s confusing people and driving tradition dating roles obsolete.

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Al Gore Speaks to the Flat Earth Society

London UK – (satireworld.com) Al Gore was invited to speak at the May meeting of the modern day Flat Earth Society (FES) London Branch (LB) about his theories of greenhouse gases causing Global Warming/Climate Change and the catastrophic results. Mr. Gore, 15 of his associates and 10 reporters boarded two of his private jets to […]

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West Coast ‘Big One’ Just Months Away Says Experts

San Francisco, CA – (satireworld.com) A new environmental report blames automobiles for the rise in Tectonic activity mainly in the Pacific rim, and at various locations along the eastern seaboard of the US. Advisories have been forwarded to the US West Coast in anticipation of the ‘Big One’ which is expected to strike in the […]

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Governor Advises California Visitors To Bring Own Water

Sacramento, CA – (satireworld.com) In an unprecedented speech about the calamity now being touted as as the Great California Drought, Governor Jerry Brown advised those who will be visiting California to bring along their own water. He hinted that in the foreseeable future some visitors might be turned back from entering the state if they […]

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New Proposed EPA Rule to Ban Condoms

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) had considered a nationwide ban on plastic supermarket bags or a five cent tax on them because the usual rabid environmental groups claim that these items clog east and west coast ocean inlets/bays, rivers and kill fish.

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Condo Demands DNA Samples From Occupants

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) A newly constructed condominium complex in the southeastern part of the city is requiring all occupants moving into the buildings to provide a DNA sample. The intent is to crack down on tenants with teenagers who Crap (fouling the footpath) on the property in the wee hours of the morning as a […]

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The Last Environmentalist Has left the Planet by 2025

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) recently announced that a fragment of a comet would be landing in Maryland, near the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay. The inner core of this asteroid was made of tons and tons of frozen Dinosaur poop, e.g. “Crapsicle” and is headed for planet Earth. […]

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Maryland Environmental Groups to be Impacted

Annapolis MD – (satireworld.com) The Maryland Legislature is currently in the process of wrapping up its 2015 session with many lobbyists and activists still at the Capital. An announcement was received from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) that a chunk of a comet could be landing in Maryland waters, near the mouth of […]

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Obama’s Politically Correct Fascist Food Police Produce a Report

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) King Barack “5 Guy Hamburgers and Fries Sneak Eater” Obama and Empress Michelle “I love authentic Spanish and French Food over there” Obama, both tastes paid for by USA taxpayers received the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee (DGAC) report. This DGAC report would be the basis of the new food pyramid, to […]

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New Ills Plague the Obama White House

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) President Obama appears to be in political trouble again. A group of 47 Republican Senators has published an open letter to Iran specifying that any nuclear development agreement, treaty or deal between the USA and Iran requires US Senate approval, e.g. a 2/3 approval vote in accordance with the US Constitution. Also, […]

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PETA Accepts 13 Retiring Ringling Brothers Circus Elephants

Polk City FL – (satireworld.com) The “Greatest Show on Earth” will soon be without elephants. Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus spokesman P.T. Barnum III announced the phasing out the use of Asian elephants in its shows. A business decision has been made to retire all these animals by 2018.

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US Intelligence Reports North Korea Will Launch Nuke Toward Moon’s Surface This Year

North Korea, (satireworld.com) Life of the Party, and Chairman for Life, Kim Jong -Un announced to the world that the DPNK will set off a 100 megaton nuclear warhead on the surface of the moon sometime this year. The nuclear device will be delivered using a Long Dong military ICBM and will target the mostly […]

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Winter Weather Frustrates Al Gore After Record Cold Snap Breaks 100 Year Records

Nashville, TN- (satireworld.com) Frustrated over seeing his environmental influence being challenged by a wave after wave of extreme cold winter storms that have people scrambling to keep warm in almost every state, ex-vice president and perennial sore loser, Al Gore is at a loss for words and has gone into hiding somewhere on his 7,000 […]

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Obama Blames “Icelandic Tourism” for Climate Change

Washington DC- (satireworld.com) White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest announced that President Obama will hold a press conference in the White House Rose Garden to explain the problems his administration will be facing in the last two years of his presidency. Paramount will be a new theory of Global Warming/Climate Change that explains why the […]

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President Suffering From Vertigo Due to Constant Spinning About Religion

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com) President Obama was admitted to a DC area hospital today after complaining to aides of dizziness. After an initial examination, doctors determined the President was suffering from vertigo, due to his constant spinning on religion lately. The vertigo was the worst during and just after the President’s remarks today at the […]

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Obama Reverses Himself and Now Supports the Second Amendment?

Washington DC: (satireworld.com) In a strange turn of events President Barack Obama now fully supports the Second Amendment to the US Constitution, “the right of citizens to bear arms.” The president has asked the Republican Congress to mandate that every American purchase an AK 47 Assault Rifle and to levy the appropriate taxes or fees.

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Missing Page from Obama’s SOTU Address Discovered

Washington DC: (satireworld.com) On January 20, 2015 President Obama gave his seventh State of the Union (SOTU) address to a joint session of the Republican controlled Congress, the Supreme Court Justices, White House officials, invited guests, the news media and the American people.

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Obama Admits Global Warming Not Real

Washington DC: (satireworld.com) White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest has signaled that President Obama will make a major policy speech on his return from Saudi Arabia. The president will refute “Global Warming” as a hoax created by former Democratic Vice President Al Gore.

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Obama Administration Sued for $100 Trillion

Washington DC: (satireworld.com) A class action lawsuit has been brought by 20 million US “frequent flyers” against President Obama, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).

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Boy Who Received Real Victoria Secret Model For Christmas Upset Over Where To Place The Batteries

Buffalo, NY-(SatireWorld.com) Kevin Bey seems the normal 15 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories that give his sister laughs. Most would say he was just a normal kid with a big imagination. He certainly had enough friends to keep him company and play sports with. But that […]

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Revolutionary New Cloning Process Allows Santa To Deliver A Lingerie Model To Every Teenage Boy This Christmas

North Pole – (satireworld.com) After promising a ‘stocking-stuffer like no other…And actually in a real pair of stockings,’ Santa Claus announced today the new cloning process will allow him to fulfill every male teenagers sexual dream for next Christmas too.

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1795 Time Capsule Buried By Samuel Adams Opened In Boston

BOSTON, MA – (satireworld.com) A time capsule buried by patriots Samuel Adams and Paul Revere in 1795 was unearthed on Thursday in Boston. The more than 200-year-old antique, thought by experts to possibly be the oldest unopened time capsule in the U.S, was located in a granite cornerstone at the Massachusetts State House by workers […]

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