Archive for 'Sports'
Number 44 to be Sent Back Down to the Minor Leagues
Washington DC- (SatireWorld.com) The owner of the Washington National Democrats, “Mr. and Mrs. We The People” called his Wunderkind hitter/pitcher Barack Obama into the front office for a chat about his dismal major league record with the team. “Mr. and Mrs. We The People” also own the Washington National Republicans.
Full StoryLGBT & NBA PICK OBAMA AS “Indeterminate Gender Person of Year!”
Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) The liberal media and the NBA were gushing with admiration for America’s first ‘Amorphous President’ as they bypassed breaking stories on ‘live’ abortions by Planned Parenthood, the unraveling scenario of scandalous incompetence in Benghazi, and dithering malfeasance regarding welfare terrorists in Boston as President Obama awarded bench sitting NBA player Jason [...]
Full StoryAmazon.com Reports Kim Jung Un Has Ordered 1000 Pressure Cookers
DMZ-North Korea – (SatireWorld.com) North Korean Leader Kim Jun Un has ordered 1000 pressure cookers to be shipped to Pyongyang, according to a sales report released by Amazon.com. The dimunitive dictator, said a spokesman for the company, is either “wanting a bunch of kim chee really fast or is going to try to copycat the [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard this morning that Tony Gonzalez ain’t gonna retire as the tight end of the Falcons. Any idea why not? I know he’s an old fart like you, so you must know something. With him in the line up, we got a shot at the Super Bowl. Without him, it’s a [...]
Full StoryCollege of Cardinals Announces First Black Pope
Vatican City, Rome – (SatireWorld.com) The College of Cardinals in Vatican City announced the first Black Pope of the Catholic Church. There was speculation that they might break from tradition and choose a black Cardinal, but the black Cardinal that they chose surprised everyone. Larry Fitzgerald, wide receiver and all pro with the Arizona Cardinals, [...]
Full StoryF.D.A. Refuses To Allow Import of Breakfast Cereal “Dingleberry Nut Crunch” Into U.S.A.
Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Food and Drug Administration issued a release saying that a new breakfast cereal from England, Dingleberry Nut Crunch, will not be allowed to be imported into or sold in the United States. The cereal, which has become a best seller in the British Isles, has a marketing campaign similar to [...]
Full Story84% of Convicted Pedophiles and Pedophile Priests List Man U as Favorite Premier League Team
Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) In a survey of Catholic Priests in English prison for sexual acts against minors (all male victims), it was discovered that 84% of all those surveyed selected Manchester United (Man U) as their favorite football team in the Premier League. Additionally, it was learned that the favorite football team of all pedophile prisoners [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard their is this bunch of soccer playing fairies in England that call themselves Man U. Is that supposed to be short for something?
Full StoryPremier League Team Man U Revealed To Buy Athletic Supporters From Victoria’s Secret
Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) An delivery driver with dyslexia read an address backwards and accidentally delivered Man U’s order to a Manchester fast food restaurant. After opening a box they thought intended for them, the crew of a McDonald’s learned that the box of red, lacey, silk athletic supporters was actually meant for the Man U Premier [...]
Full StoryMan U Officially Adopts Jimmy Savile As New Team Mascot. Rooney Hints At Team Name Change Too!
Manchester (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The Manhester United British football team voted to adopt the late Jimmy Saville as the official team mascot, replacing the often vague and misunderstood Red Devils symbol.
Full StoryWith Teleprompter Down, Obama Has To “Wing It” on Turkey Hunting Questions
Lincoln, NE – (SatireWorld.com) In an effort to appear more as an “Everyman” and as a shooter and gun owner, President Barack Obama recently admitted that he likes to go Turkey hunting. The President admitted to being a sportsman to try to deflect criticism that he is anti-hunting, anti-gun, and wants to eliminate the 2nd [...]
Full StoryPrize Winner Announced in “Win a Shower With Your Favourite Premier League Team” Contest
Portsmouth,(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Harold Worth, former reporter for this publication, was just announced as the winner of the “Win a Shower With Your Favorite Premier League Team” contest. Worth stated in an interview that he would choose to shower with Manchester United and “I’m really looking forward to the experience. It makes me remember with [...]
Full StoryGoodell Steps in, Declares Super Bowl a Tie! Soccer Fans Love it!
New Orleans, LA – (SatireWorld.com) In a shocking conclusion to this year’s NFL race to the Super Bowl, the San Francisco 49′s and the Baltimore Ravens battled to an inconclusive tie after 6 overtimes led to no scoring putting Commissioner Roger Goodell in an awkward position.
Full StorySuper Bowl Weekend Turns into a Gay Old Time in New Orleans!
New Orleans, LA – (SatireWorld.com) Stop me if you’ve heard this one! Deciding to go to New Orleans to enjoy the sights and ambiance of the Super Bowl, quarterbacks Tony Romo, Mark Sanchez, Drew Brees along with Peyton and Eli Manning, all meet up and walk into this gay bar named ‘The Tight End’ and [...]
Full StorySource Says: Obama Hates Guns Because He Was Hurt During Skeet Shooting Event At Camp David
Camp David, MD President Obama was accidently wounded Sunday by a dropped shotgun during the annual President’s Cup skeet shooting tournament held by the Marine detachment guarding Camp David. The President was quickly flown to Walter Reed hospital where he was attended to by surgeon B.E. Morse who said “the President should recover in no [...]
Full StoryObama: Soccer should be our national sport cuz only the fans die young!
Blountstown, FL President Obama, the former Olympic member of the Indonesian Skeet Shooting team, jumped into the national discussion involving traumatic injuries in football siding with former SW reporter Harold Worth praising the ‘civility’ of ‘football’(soccer in the US) around the world, especially in the UK.
Full StoryRay Lewis Expected To Return To Stabbing Bar Patrons Upon NFL Retirement
Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com) Baltimore Ravens defensive linebacker Ray Lewis announced his retirement from the NFL at the conclusion of his team’s participation in the upcoming playoffs. The 17 year National Football League veteran has been named to several all pro, Pro Bowl, and other all star teams in his career and is a Super [...]
Full StoryLakers’ Kobe Bryant Admits “We’re Too Damned Old”
Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers, whose “Dream Team” was predicted by most experts to play against the Miami Heat for the NBA Championship, has admitted that “we’re too damned old! We’re old as sh__!” The NBA allstar blames his team’s losing record on the age of the players [...]
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