Archive for 'Sports'

Dog shoots owner with a shotgun in ‘freak accident’ during pheasant hunt

+Hunter Nelson Hodges II, 36, was shot on Wednesday in Northern Iowa. +His German Shorthaired Pointer Daisy Mae stepped on the trigger of a 12 gauge shotgun. +Hodges was peppered with birdshot in the groin but will survive the incident. Glider Falls, Iowa – (satireworld.com) A dog has blasted a man with a shotgun during […]

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Lost Fan Viewership Sparks On Field Rule Changes In NFL Boardroom

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) The ratings for NFL “Thursday Night Football” continued to drop again this week, scoring a 9.9/17 in metered market results on CBS and the NFL Network, according to Deadline Friday. Weeks of fan turn-off sparked by inappropriate protests during the national anthem have affected team revenues and further blackened the […]

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Meet The One-legged Man Who’s Actually Busier Now As A One-Legged Ass Kicker

Durham, NC – (satireworld.com) Morris Helms says he’s never been busier! The retired veteran, who looks a healthy 50 instead of being a few days away from turning 65, says ever since he read an ad looking for contestants in a local amateur mixed martial arts contest he’s been very busy on Saturday nights. “ […]

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White House Hires Baseball Legend Ty Cobb To Answer Russian Involvement Charges

WASHINGTON – (satireworld.com) President Donald Trump announced on Saturday that baseball great Ty Cobb would immediately serve as special counsel at the White House in response to ridiculous claims of Trump Russian involvement in the 2016 election.

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49ers QB Kaepernick Explains Why He Refuses to Stand for National Anthem

SAN FRANCISCO – (satireworld.com) San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is facing criticism from American sports fans after he refused to stand for the national anthem before a preseason NFL game. Despite the controversy he’s caused himself, Kaepernick says he believes he’s doing the right thing and will continue to sit for the anthem going […]

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Olympian Legend Michael Phelps Disqualified for Urinating in the Olympic Pool

Rio Olympic Village – (SatireWorld.com) When you have to go, well, you just have to go! But for 20 time Olympic record gold medalist Michael Phelps a tell tale yellow stream lead to his expulsion from future competitions in any Olympic-sized pool.

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British Olympic Torch Bearer Falters Upsetting Brazilian Olympic Committee

Olympic City Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – (SatireWorld.com) The Brazilian Olympic Committee vows never to use scientist Stephen Hawkins again to promote the Olympics, especially what just happened prior to the 2016 Summer Games scheduled for Rio.

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Atlanta’s DCD Issues Highest Level Zombie Alert for Philadelphia

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) The world’s leading research and communicable disease control center (CDC) located in Atlanta, Georgia has issued its second Zombie Alert for the Philadelphia area, advising citizens to be prepared and have ample stocks and supplies on hand in the event of a zombie breakout.

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Don’t Mess With Women of the State of North Carolina

Raleigh NC – (satireworld.com) The Department of Justice (DOJ) headed by Attorney General (AG) Loretta Lynch gave North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory a short time to scrap this state’s new “bathroom bill” (gender matches your plumbing). Instead, he’s filing a lawsuit against the federal government. Then President Obama weighed in with his non-binding, federal funding, […]

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Hillary Sex Doll Satisfies Sick Progressives

PHOENIX – (satireworld.com) It takes all kinds, and today’s progressives have a reputation for flying their freak flags higher than anybody else. Combine this with the booming sex doll industry, an election year, and you have the Hillary sex doll.

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Cam Newton Blames Super Bowl Loss on ‘The Man’

SANTA CLARA, CA – (satireworld.com) Before walking out on his post-game press conference following his team’s loss to Denver in Super Bowl 50, Carolina quarterback Cam Newton blamed his play on ‘The Man’ keeping him down.

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Peyton Manning Tests Positive For Papa John’s Pizza Sauce

DENVER – (satireworld.com) Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.

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Papa John’s Benches Peyton Manning For J.J. Watts

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Due to mistakes in the restaurant lately, Papa John’s owner John Schnatter has decided to bench its starting NFL spokesman, Peyton Manning, for Houston Texans superstar, J.J. Watts. Manning recently became the pizza chain’s all-time leading spokesperson and is usually in command in all of his performances in Papa […]

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Transgender Boycott of 2017 Houston Super Bowl Could Cost City Hundreds of Dollars

HOUSTON – (satireworld.com) Following a rebuke by voters of their attempt to turn Houston into a modern Sodom and Gomorrah by forcing sexual boundaries to be blurred to appease an extreme minority, the LGBT community is bringing out the pitchforks in an attempt to punish those voters for saying “no thanks” to their offer to […]

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Environmentalists Descend On Baltimore Maryland

Baltimore MD – (satireworld.com) Cars, trucks, buses and jet airplanes packed with rabid environmentalists and animal rights activists arrived in Baltimore this past weekend to protest the death of a number of innocent birds resident in “Charm City.” Thousands of gallons of fossil fuel were expended and pollution effects were ignored by these folks for […]

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Lance Armstrong Goes Trans-Gender

Leon Springs, CA – (satireworld.com) Well, you knew it was coming right? Just weeks after Bruce Jenner declared himself a ‘woman’ with man parts, washed-up cyclist and admitted doper Lance Armstrong is going to give womanhood a chance and enter the Tour deFrance bicycle event as a woman.

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New England Patriots Sign Thom Braydee to Play For Suspended Brady

FOXBOROUGH – (satireworld.com) In a surprise announcement today from the New England Patriot’s football team, Coach Bill Belichick told reporters that the team has signed a previously un-drafted quarterback to start the four games that embattled star quarterback Tom Brady has been suspended for, following the investigation into the ball-deflating scandal from last season. The […]

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Tom Brady Deletes Entire NFL Database, Wipes Server Clean

FOXBOROUGH, MA – (satireworld.com) Just days after the NFL announced their findings from a preliminary investigation into whether or not New England Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady had ball boys intentionally let the air out of his footballs to give him an advantage in games, word has surfaced that Mr. Brady has indeed deleted all files […]

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Grudge Rematch….Empress Michelle vs. Queen Hillary

Las Vegas, NV – (satireworld.com) In 2008 Hillary Clinton ran against Barack Obama to be the Democratic Party’s candidate for president and lost. King Obama has reigned for almost seven years with his consort Empress Michelle Obama. However Queen Hillary desires to be the Democratic Party’s Presidential candidate in 2016. Hallelujah, King Obama cannot run […]

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Famous Olympic Gold Medalist To Sell His Penis On Online Bidding Site

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Promised as ‘only used three times and polished alot’ a fully functional male penis is to be auctioned off on a popular online bidding site starting the first of the month.

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Washington Redskins Football Franchise Leaving Washington DC

Olympia Washington – (satireworld.com) The heads of 30 federally recognized Indian tribes (Native Americans) that live in or off the 30 reservations located in Washington State held a meeting here in the Capital city. The subject was how to derive continued revenue to support scholarship and benefits to all Indian tribes residing in the state.

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City Jurisdictions also Over Regulate Citizens Activities

Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky – (satireworld.com) All over the USA average citizen’s activities are being both regulated and criminalized by elected and appointed members of Federal, State and City governments. There are examples of cities and towns trying to ban sugary soda and salt (food police incumbents); banning the use of leaf blowers due to noise […]

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Kate Upton’s ‘Game of War’ Training Bra Goes Up For Sale At Southerby’s

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) World Auction News reports that a personal item of a well known Sports Illustrated model used during the filming of a advertisement for Game of War has found its way on the popular auction site. In past days all bidding has gone thru the roof.

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Miniature Golf Course to be Built on White House South Lawn

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) Following the resignation of the current Secret Service Director Julia Pierson, lower level Managers were mercilessly grilled by the House Congressional Oversight Committee. Many managers were subsequently removed from their posts. Republicans and Democrats deemed the multiple White House security breaches, sloppy security protocols and the lack of security for President […]

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Baltimore Ravens Football Franchise May Relocate to Indianapolis

Baltimore MD- (satireworld.com) Another Baltimore Ravens football team member has been arrested on felony charges. The team management has seen its players accused of murder, wife beating, assault, animal cruelty and other criminal charges. These criminal charges have been brought to the attention of Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake as besmirching Baltimore City’s “Purple Pride” and Edgar […]

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Obama Invites Seahawks Coach to White House for Lessons on Taking Responsibility

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com) Just hours after the end of the Super Bowl, President Obama sent an invitation to Seattle Seahawks head coach, Pete Carroll, asking Carroll to come to the White House later this month to help the President understand what it is like to take responsibility for a bad decision. Coach Carroll has […]

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Super Bowl Drug Test Controversy Over Viagra Use On Deflated Footballs

Phoenix, AZ – (satireworld.com) Moments after the New England Patriots clinched the Super Bowl with a stunning end-zone interception, Super Bowl officials re-heated the controversy over under-inflated footballs by announcing an NFL football drug testing results on the game ending football conducted by game referees.

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Tom Brady Admits Guilt, Suffering From “White Quarterback Privilege”

FOXBORO, MA – (satireworld.com) New England Patriot’s superstar, Tom Brady, has maybe admitted guilt regarding the under-inflated football scandal, but he says he has come to terms with his main problem, “White Quarterback Privilege.” Brady fully understands that if a black quarterback in the NFL had been accused of tampering with the inflation of footballs […]

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Show Me Duh Money!

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) The Reverend Al Sharpton telephoned National Basketball Association (NBA) headquarters located in the city and made an appointment to see the NBA Commissioner. Mr. Sharpton called from his National Action Network (NAN) Offices in Manhattan and then took a cab to the NBA building for the meeting.

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Places In The World Not To Visit If You Want To Live

The United Nations – (satireworld.com) The world’s murder statistics are very scary and the highest percentages are in countries most Americans often visit. The latest information from the World Health Organization give the murder statistics for the entire world for the past year.

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