Archive for 'Sports'

Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com) The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.  Not only is the Senator the owner, but is also the President, founder, designer, […]

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Ivana Phuque and Nastia Phuque to Compete Together as Tennis Doubles on Tour

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com) Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics  herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour.  Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the […]

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Alyssa Milano Admits She Was Trying to Increase Her Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Alyssa Milano, who has not been really relevant since starring in Charmed and Who’s the Boss, tried to reinvent her fifteen minutes of fame last week by appearing nearly topless at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings.  Milano, who stated that she was there to support the female accuser […]

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Unusual Cave Drawings Found In Sen. Diane Feinstein’s Cleavage

San Francisco, CA – (Satireworld.com) California Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) had a recent physical and reports of the odd medical findings were leaked to FOX News. Doctors discovered she is carrying historical artifacts that she never knew she had….Prehistoric cave drawings between her breasts!

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Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque To Compete in LPGA Tour

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com) Swedish Olympic Athlete Ivana Phuque, who has won speed skating medals in the Winter Olympics and pole vaulting medals in the Summer Olympics, has decided to expand her activities to include golf.  She will compete in the 2019 LPGA tour.

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Michael Jordan Announces Another Comeback

SPORTS NEWS NETWORK- Michael “Air” Jordan, who is often called the greatest basketball player of all time, has announced that he will make his 3rd comeback attempt at age 55.  Jordan originally played for the Chicago Bulls from 1984 – 1993, retired to try his hand at baseball, came back to the Bulls from 1995 – […]

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Smokin’ Gun News: The Brit Bravery Gong That’s Driving Trump Psychotic

London – (SatireWorld.com) The citation ‘For Acts Of The Greatest Heroism + Conspicuous Courage In Circumstances of Extreme Danger’ perfectly defines Britain’s highest peacetime award.

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1500 Mile Appalachian Trail Paved Bike Path Gets EPA Thumbs Up

Washington, DC – Policy changes in national parks primitive area usage rested upon a pending decision by both the EPA and Interior Department over allowing full access to natural trail systems by handicapped and other physically limited users.

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NRA Responds With Powerful Ad…..Times Up

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) An NRA ad released on March 4 called out “every Hollywood phony” and the “lying media” to put them on notice that their “time is running out.” The ad was released just hours before the 90th Oscars began. It promotes NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch’s new show and is clearly intended to […]

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Arizona Lawmaker Proposes Holiday Just For White Males

Phoenix, AZ – (SatireWorld.com) An Arizona legislator raised eyebrows this week with a suggestion that the state should name a holiday just for US Caucasian males. State Rep. Cecil Ash’s remarks began in jest while he was speaking on the Arizona House floor Monday, but when asked to clarify them later, Ash doubled down and […]

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North Korea Demands Rocket Competition Category At Winter Olympics

Seoul, South Korea – (satireworld.com) North Korean leader Kim Song-Un pulled no punches Saturday as a committee representing him and other DPRK leaders demanded parity with other Winter Olympic athletes and suggested the North have a winter rocket launching category so 50,000 DRPK soldiers can compete.

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Satire World Celebrates Christmas With Its Own Greeting Card!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM SATIRE WORLD!

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Dog shoots owner with a shotgun in ‘freak accident’ during pheasant hunt

+Hunter Nelson Hodges II, 36, was shot on Wednesday in Northern Iowa. +His German Shorthaired Pointer Daisy Mae stepped on the trigger of a 12 gauge shotgun. +Hodges was peppered with birdshot in the groin but will survive the incident. Glider Falls, Iowa – (satireworld.com) A dog has blasted a man with a shotgun during […]

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Lost Fan Viewership Sparks On Field Rule Changes In NFL Boardroom

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) The ratings for NFL “Thursday Night Football” continued to drop again this week, scoring a 9.9/17 in metered market results on CBS and the NFL Network, according to Deadline Friday. Weeks of fan turn-off sparked by inappropriate protests during the national anthem have affected team revenues and further blackened the […]

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Meet The One-legged Man Who’s Actually Busier Now As A One-Legged Ass Kicker

Durham, NC – (satireworld.com) Morris Helms says he’s never been busier! The retired veteran, who looks a healthy 50 instead of being a few days away from turning 65, says ever since he read an ad looking for contestants in a local amateur mixed martial arts contest he’s been very busy on Saturday nights. “ […]

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White House Hires Baseball Legend Ty Cobb To Answer Russian Involvement Charges

WASHINGTON – (satireworld.com) President Donald Trump announced on Saturday that baseball great Ty Cobb would immediately serve as special counsel at the White House in response to ridiculous claims of Trump Russian involvement in the 2016 election.

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49ers QB Kaepernick Explains Why He Refuses to Stand for National Anthem

SAN FRANCISCO – (satireworld.com) San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is facing criticism from American sports fans after he refused to stand for the national anthem before a preseason NFL game. Despite the controversy he’s caused himself, Kaepernick says he believes he’s doing the right thing and will continue to sit for the anthem going […]

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Olympian Legend Michael Phelps Disqualified for Urinating in the Olympic Pool

Rio Olympic Village – (SatireWorld.com) When you have to go, well, you just have to go! But for 20 time Olympic record gold medalist Michael Phelps a tell tale yellow stream lead to his expulsion from future competitions in any Olympic-sized pool.

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British Olympic Torch Bearer Falters Upsetting Brazilian Olympic Committee

Olympic City Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – (SatireWorld.com) The Brazilian Olympic Committee vows never to use scientist Stephen Hawkins again to promote the Olympics, especially what just happened prior to the 2016 Summer Games scheduled for Rio.

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Atlanta’s DCD Issues Highest Level Zombie Alert for Philadelphia

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) The world’s leading research and communicable disease control center (CDC) located in Atlanta, Georgia has issued its second Zombie Alert for the Philadelphia area, advising citizens to be prepared and have ample stocks and supplies on hand in the event of a zombie breakout.

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Don’t Mess With Women of the State of North Carolina

Raleigh NC – (satireworld.com) The Department of Justice (DOJ) headed by Attorney General (AG) Loretta Lynch gave North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory a short time to scrap this state’s new “bathroom bill” (gender matches your plumbing). Instead, he’s filing a lawsuit against the federal government. Then President Obama weighed in with his non-binding, federal funding, […]

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Hillary Sex Doll Satisfies Sick Progressives

PHOENIX – (satireworld.com) It takes all kinds, and today’s progressives have a reputation for flying their freak flags higher than anybody else. Combine this with the booming sex doll industry, an election year, and you have the Hillary sex doll.

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Cam Newton Blames Super Bowl Loss on ‘The Man’

SANTA CLARA, CA – (satireworld.com) Before walking out on his post-game press conference following his team’s loss to Denver in Super Bowl 50, Carolina quarterback Cam Newton blamed his play on ‘The Man’ keeping him down.

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Peyton Manning Tests Positive For Papa John’s Pizza Sauce

DENVER – (satireworld.com) Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.

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Papa John’s Benches Peyton Manning For J.J. Watts

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Due to mistakes in the restaurant lately, Papa John’s owner John Schnatter has decided to bench its starting NFL spokesman, Peyton Manning, for Houston Texans superstar, J.J. Watts. Manning recently became the pizza chain’s all-time leading spokesperson and is usually in command in all of his performances in Papa […]

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Transgender Boycott of 2017 Houston Super Bowl Could Cost City Hundreds of Dollars

HOUSTON – (satireworld.com) Following a rebuke by voters of their attempt to turn Houston into a modern Sodom and Gomorrah by forcing sexual boundaries to be blurred to appease an extreme minority, the LGBT community is bringing out the pitchforks in an attempt to punish those voters for saying “no thanks” to their offer to […]

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Environmentalists Descend On Baltimore Maryland

Baltimore MD – (satireworld.com) Cars, trucks, buses and jet airplanes packed with rabid environmentalists and animal rights activists arrived in Baltimore this past weekend to protest the death of a number of innocent birds resident in “Charm City.” Thousands of gallons of fossil fuel were expended and pollution effects were ignored by these folks for […]

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Lance Armstrong Goes Trans-Gender

Leon Springs, CA – (satireworld.com) Well, you knew it was coming right? Just a few years after Bruce Jenner declared himself a ‘woman’ with man parts, washed-up cyclist and admitted doper Lance Armstrong is going to give womanhood a chance and enter the Tour de France bicycle event as a woman.

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New England Patriots Sign Thom Braydee to Play For Suspended Brady

FOXBOROUGH – (satireworld.com) In a surprise announcement today from the New England Patriot’s football team, Coach Bill Belichick told reporters that the team has signed a previously un-drafted quarterback to start the four games that embattled star quarterback Tom Brady has been suspended for, following the investigation into the ball-deflating scandal from last season. The […]

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Tom Brady Deletes Entire NFL Database, Wipes Server Clean

FOXBOROUGH, MA – (satireworld.com) Just days after the NFL announced their findings from a preliminary investigation into whether or not New England Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady had ball boys intentionally let the air out of his footballs to give him an advantage in games, word has surfaced that Mr. Brady has indeed deleted all files […]

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