Archive for 'Sports'
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, It seems like life ain’t fair if’n yer a straight, white, Christian feller.
Full StoryNFL Adopts New Football Helmet
Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The NFL saftey committee wrapped up three years of investigative work in researching the next generation of player protective helmets. Due to recurrent injuries to players that resulted in concussions and brain injuries, the committee has found a lighter, more natural-wearing protective device…The players own hair!
Full StoryIvana Phuque Happy To Announce The Marriage Of Her Brother To Nastia Liukin
Stockholm, Sweden – (SatireWorld.com) Ivana Phuque, the Swedish Speed Skater who won multiple gold medals at the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games, is pleased to announce that her brother, Richard “Dick” Phuque is engaged. Dick Phuque will soon marry American gymnast Nastia Liukin, making her Mrs. Nastia Phuque.
Full StoryDominican Baseball Player Overlooked By Hall of Fame Again
Live from New York City…. (SatireWorld.com) A baseball player from the Dominican Republic has been overlooked (again) for admission into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Chico Escuala, a former member of the New York Mets, once again failed to receive the required 75% of the votes.
Full StoryOur Throckmorton P Turdblossom Interviews Olympic Skater Ivana Phuque
Stockholm, Sweden – (SatireWorld.com) SatireWorld writer and resident sage, Throckmortom P Turdblossom, had the time of his life at the Winter Olympics training camp after he bluffed his way through the Olympic Media & Communications committee and was granted a Media Pass for the online publication…SatireWorld!
Full StoryTim Tebow Admits He’s Been Praying To Meet Ivana Phuque
Denver Bronco’s quarterback Tim Tebow admitted that when he prays before and during football games, it isn’t for his or his team’s performance. Tebow is actually praying that he has a chance to have more than a meet and greet with Swedish Olympian and Super Model Ivana Phuque.
Full StoryJustin Bieber Plans To Release Rap Version of National Anthem
Justintime,Outthere – (SatireWorld.com) Justin Bieber, who singlehandedly ruined Christmas music this year with his rap version of “The Little Drummer Boy,” plans to take many other songs and “make them his own.” Planned for a spring release (in time for baseball’s opening day) is his rap/hip hop version of “The Star Spangled Banner.”
Full StorySwedish Olympian Ivana Phuque Searches For London Waxing Business
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Ivana Phuque, the Swedish Olympic Goddess who captivated the world in the 2010 Vancouver Games, is looking for a place to provide bikini/Brazilian waxing in London. Phuque, who is trying out for the women’s pole vault on the Swedish Olympic Team, says that she will absolutely refuse to continue her training [...]
Full StorySwedish Winter Olympic Star Ivana Phuque To Try Out For Summer Olympic Team
Helsinki, Sweden – (SatireWorld.com) Swedish Winter Olympic star Ivana Phuque, the woman who singlehandly captivated everyone at the Vancouver Games, announced today that she is in training to try out for Sweden’s Summer Olympic Team. Phuque plans to take England and the 2012 Summer Games by storm while competing for her country in track and [...]
Full StoryColts, Cowboys, Jets Involved in Ballbuster Trade: Obama Set to Intervene for the good of the game!”
Dallas, Texas – (SatireWorld.com) Taking some of the luster off the upcoming NFL playoffs, (PLAYOFFS??), three of the leagues most dysfunctional teams announced their intentions for a blockbuster trade, labeled ‘a ball buster’ by President Obama, who has threatened to intervene and mandate a government takeover of the league!
Full StoryForget Football New team oriented sport is sweeping Europe
Bristol(UK) - (SatireWorld.com) No one knows exactly how 'Dung Rolling' started in Africa, but it is thought that early settlers became fascinated with a species of scarab that rolls a large ball of animal dung around from place to place. It is commonly known as a Dung Beetle.
Full StoryHalf of Oklahoma Population To Be In Arizona For New Year’s
Oklahoma City, OK – (SatireWorld.com) Population experts have determined that half of the population of the state of Oklahoma will be in the state of Arizona on New Year’s Day. Mark Harrison, with the Census Bureau, said that “this is not due to their having better parties in Phoenix or because of the weather. It’s [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Monday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, The Miami Dolphins fired Tony Sparano as their head coach because they are 4-9 this season. Why did they do this? Ed Earl Budd Tractorpost, Florida
Full StoryESPN Says Jesus Close To Signing Deal With Denver Broncos
Jeruselem, Israel – (SatireWorld.com) Sportcasters on ESPN revealed they have details of a secret deal between the Denver Broncos football team and successful Israeli quarterback Jesus H. Christ. Called the ‘sports deal of the millenium,’ Christ will sign on to a record multi-decade deal that includes a cathederal in his name, book signings, and a [...]
Full StoryAs Polls Plummet, Obama Does A ‘Teebow’ In Hopes Of Regaining Voters Confidence and the Almighty’s Blessings
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) With each and every new poll that’s released, the once prominent position of popularity held by president Barack Obama shows a sharp decline, and at times, mirroring the pre-election position of what most Americans acknowledge as the worst modern day President, Jimmy Carter.
Full StoryPenn State’s Jerry Sandusky Claims He Showered With Little Boys To Teach Them Hygiene
Harrisburg, PA – (SatireWorld.com) Ex-Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer gave a brief explanation as to why his client frequently met young boys in the Panther’s team shower room. To many who heard the outrageous explanation, it seemed to place another nail in Sandusky’s defense coffin.
Full StoryFootballer Gary Speed Was At The End Of His Rope Say Friends
Gary Speed, the Welshman with the magic foot, was found hanged at his Huntington Hall home. The cause according to local officials was a suspected love triangle gone wrong. “Gary was figuratively at the end of his rope over this,” said Constable Angus MacCloud.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Thursday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, What’s it gonna take for the Dallas Cowboys to get great again and win the Super Bowl? I’m sick of sucking behavior. Betty Lou Socialdisease Goshdarnit, Texas
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