Archive for 'Sports'

Handful of St. Louis Rams Players Enter Field With Ferguson Salute

ST. LOUIS, MO – (satireworld.com) Several members of the St. Louis Rams came onto the field before Sunday’s game with the Oakland Raiders showing the flawed narrative gesture, “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot,” and went on to win the game 52-0.

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Miami Marlins Use Obamacare Math to Sign Player to $325M Contract

MIAMI – (satireworld.com) The Miami Marlins have decided it’s smart to pay ONE player a record $325 million for the next 13 seasons. Wow. Let that sink in for a moment. Giancarlo Stanton will make approximately $25 million a season and that breaks down to around $154 thousand a game.

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Steve Perry, Journey Hit Song ‘Lights’ Lift San Fran to World Series Title

KANSAS CITY, MO  – (satireworld.com) In a thrilling World Series between the San Francisco Giants and the Kansas City Royals, in which both teams seemed evenly matched, the title came down to one small difference – one team had a kick-ass song from the late 70’s that pumped up its fans and players and one […]

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NFL Goes Pink for Breasts in October, Stays Pink in November For Hoo-Ha Awareness Month

NEW YORK CITY, NY – (satireworld.com) No football fan can escape the sea of pink on TV sets each October as the NFL conducts its yearly campaign to raise awareness for Breast Cancer. Now, the league has decided to stay pink to honor one of the greatest things in the world, the Hoo-Ha. The player’s […]

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DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Loses Bet – Shaves Mustache

Broward County Florida – (satireworld.com) When it comes to paying up after losing a bet, you can now count on Debbie Wasserman-Schultz as a promise keeper. When Florida State beat Notre Dame this past Saturday, Debbie grabbed a Bic razor and quickly shaved her girlie-moustache.

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Say Goodbye Roger! NFL in shock as Michael Sam says Goodell ignored pleas for help as his fiance beat him with his G-string in Domestic Abuse assault!

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) LBGT activists picketed Roger Goodell’s office today amid reports that the commissioner refused to intervene after the NFL’s first self acknowledged gay player cried for help after a domestic abuse assault by his ‘girlfriend.”

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ISIS Leaders Vow To Take Up Golf

Mosul, Iraq – (satireworld.com) Soon after President Obama’s speech on Wednesday where he outlined the nation’s hastily cobbled strategy concerning the defeat of the ISIS fundamentalist terror army, the head spokesman for the Syrian rebels announced that ISIS too has shifted priorities and will soon start playing golf just like a certain western leader.

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NFL Commish, Barack Goodell, Denies Knowing About Ray Rice Elevator Video Before This Week

Baltimore, MD – (satireworld.com) Despite recent revelations the Ray Rice video showing Rice knocking out his wife was available months ago, NFL Commissioner Barack Hussein Goodell continued to maintain he had no access to the video until this week. “I only learned about the video when I saw it in the press on Monday, just […]

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Ray Rice Scores Endorsement Deals For Dating Site, Workout Video

Baltimore, MD – (satireworld.com) Exiled NFL running back Ray Rice has landed a couple of endorsement deals in the wake of his humiliating firing from the Baltimore Ravens after video surfaced of him beating his future wife in an elevator months ago.

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Brokeback Mountain Sequel to Star Michael Sam as Gay Cowboy

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) Hollywood is abuzz with news that the long delayed sequel to Brokeback Mountain has been greenlit by Dallas Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, and will be financed with the hot dog sales at Cowboys football games over the next few seasons.

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Jerry Jones sucks Michael Sam off Waiver Wire after he announces “I’m no longer GAY!”

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) According to ESPN, who still has not suspended itself for a series of politically correct abuses of journalistic integrity, said that Jones was still flagellating himself over being talked out of drafting QB Johnny Manziel ( the reincarnation of Joe Namath in his own mind)and couldn’t wait to get Mike on […]

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Chaos as ‘US Open’ Tennis Tournament Mistaken as Immigration Rally

New York City – (satireworld.com) Thousands of illegal aliens flooded the USTA Billie Jean King Tennis Center this weekend as the tennis championships were taking place, mistaking the title of the event for an invitation to gain citizenship.

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Michael Sam Cut From Rams, Sales of Bar Soap Return to Pre-Draft Levels

St. Louis, MO – (satireworld.com) Several months ago, shortly after the NFL draft, sales of bar soap plummeted in this Midwestern city and experts were perplexed as to why there was a sharp drop off in sales.

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The Dallas Cowboys: Preseason News and Notes

The latest news and information from the *Dallas Cowboys* (America’s Team!).

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Obama Promotes Free Golf Lessons For Illegal Border Crossers

San Diego, CA – (satireworld.com) Three months after President Barack Obama declared their mass arrival an “urgent humanitarian situation,” thousands of children who fled Central America are about to get free golfing lessons for the first time.

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Dallas Cowboys Owner Denies Wrong Doing With Two Females (A Satire World Editorial)

(satireworld.com) Pictures surfaced on the internet this week of Jerry Jones with two women. One of the pictures has the Dallas Cowboys owner grabbing and cupping a woman’s breasts from behind. Another picture shows Jerry standing in his boxer shorts, while a woman is kneeling in front of his crotch (apparently ready to deliver oral […]

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Harpoon Nearly Misses Sunbathing Hillary As She Starts Hamptons Beachfront Vacation

The Hamptons, NY – (satireworld.com) The first day at their humble $100K rental mansion on the Hamptons world famous beach nearly ended in disaster as a nearby whaler mistook Hillary Clinton for a beached blue whale.

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ESPN Suspends All Network Employees for Future Insensitive Remarks

Bristol, CT – (satireworld.com) Hank Williams Jr., Max Kellerman and Stephen A. Smith are only a few of the recipients of ESPN’s rash of suspensions or firings, handed out after each made comments deemed politically incorrect by the sports network. So, as a preemptive action to satisfy all critics, present and future, the network took […]

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First New Mexico Endangered Bear Hunt Proves Successful

Gallop, NM – (satireworld.com) New Mexico’s game and fish commission issued a seven page report on the results of the opening day hunter’s tally from the controversial Giant Panda hunt in several of New Mexico’s wilderness areas.

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Zingers: Sports

(satireworld.com) Off and on, for about six years, I wrote “snippets” for a different humor website. These were also easy one or two line jokes with a simple set up, followed by a punch line. Some people call these zingers or and others call them different names.

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A zillion Brazilians riot after getting ‘waxed’ by Germans. Massachusetts national guard called out!

Hyannis,MA – (satireworld.com) Hyannis, MA was on lock down after Brazil, expected to be a favorite in the World Cup, was the victim of a 7-1 rout by a blitz kreiging German team who rolled over their meager defenses like a battalion of Rommel’s Panzer Tanks!

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New NFL Football Team Briefly Considered

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The latest ruling by the US Patent and Trademark Office cancelling the Washington Redskins’ “Trade Mark” Indian Head logo, saying that the logo is offensive to Native Americans has hardened the owner’s resolve to keep the team name and logo. According to many conservative columnists the only Indian tribe offended by […]

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Hope Solo, US Women’s Soccer Goalie, Can’t Stop Slapping Things Down

Seattle – (satireworld.com) Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be taking her work home with her.

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Disgraced Former World Cup Official Spotted at Latest Games”

(Brazil) – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the games and […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “London Gay Pride Parade Unsuccessful With Football Fans and Players Here in Brazil”

Brazil-FIFA World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Brazilian Sheep Ranches Hire Security Guards to Protect Flocks from Football Players”

Brazil – World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “I Had My First Brazilian Today”

Brazil at the World Cup- (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of […]

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World Cup Bound Harold Worth Accidently Joins A Brazilian Street Gang

Rio de Janiro, Brazil – (satireworld.com) British reporter Harold Worth was in his 6th day of an South American fact finding and a vist to thje FIFA World Cup when, as fate would have it, he made a wrong turn on one of Rio’s numerous freeway off ramps. Soon, after a myriad of turns and […]

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Craig Robinson secures federal earmark to buy Clippers!

Porkville, SXC – (satireworld.com) Flying under the radar on a slow congressional day, South Carolina’s King of Pork, James Clyburn slipped in an earmark to the ‘Save our Veterans from Socialized Euthanasia” bill proposed by John McClain, authorizing $2.6B in taxpayer backed funds for First Lady Michelle Obama’s unemployed brother to buy out the LA […]

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LeBron James Holds American Basketball Fans Hostage Unless Demands Met

Miami – (satireworld.com) NBA superstar and member of the Miami Heat basketball team, LeBron James, threatened to sit out the next season if LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, was not forced to sell the team after recent racist remarks made by Sterling. While he was at it, James made some additional demands as well.

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