Archive for 'Sports'

Michael Sam Cut From Rams, Sales of Bar Soap Return to Pre-Draft Levels

St. Louis, MO – (satireworld.com) Several months ago, shortly after the NFL draft, sales of bar soap plummeted in this Midwestern city and experts were perplexed as to why there was a sharp drop off in sales.

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The Dallas Cowboys: Preseason News and Notes

The latest news and information from the *Dallas Cowboys* (America’s Team!).

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Obama Promotes Free Golf Lessons For Illegal Border Crossers

San Diego, CA – (satireworld.com) Three months after President Barack Obama declared their mass arrival an “urgent humanitarian situation,” thousands of children who fled Central America are about to get free golfing lessons for the first time.

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Dallas Cowboys Owner Denies Wrong Doing With Two Females (A Satire World Editorial)

(satireworld.com) Pictures surfaced on the internet this week of Jerry Jones with two women. One of the pictures has the Dallas Cowboys owner grabbing and cupping a woman’s breasts from behind. Another picture shows Jerry standing in his boxer shorts, while a woman is kneeling in front of his crotch (apparently ready to deliver oral […]

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Harpoon Nearly Misses Sunbathing Hillary As She Starts Hamptons Beachfront Vacation

The Hamptons, NY – (satireworld.com) The first day at their humble $100K rental mansion on the Hamptons world famous beach nearly ended in disaster as a nearby whaler mistook Hillary Clinton for a beached blue whale.

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ESPN Suspends All Network Employees for Future Insensitive Remarks

Bristol, CT – (satireworld.com) Hank Williams Jr., Max Kellerman and Stephen A. Smith are only a few of the recipients of ESPN’s rash of suspensions or firings, handed out after each made comments deemed politically incorrect by the sports network. So, as a preemptive action to satisfy all critics, present and future, the network took […]

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First New Mexico Endangered Bear Hunt Proves Successful

Gallop, NM – (satireworld.com) New Mexico’s game and fish commission issued a seven page report on the results of the opening day hunter’s tally from the controversial Giant Panda hunt in several of New Mexico’s wilderness areas.

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Zingers: Sports

(satireworld.com) Off and on, for about six years, I wrote “snippets” for a different humor website. These were also easy one or two line jokes with a simple set up, followed by a punch line. Some people call these zingers or and others call them different names.

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A zillion Brazilians riot after getting ‘waxed’ by Germans. Massachusetts national guard called out!

Hyannis,MA – (satireworld.com) Hyannis, MA was on lock down after Brazil, expected to be a favorite in the World Cup, was the victim of a 7-1 rout by a blitz kreiging German team who rolled over their meager defenses like a battalion of Rommel’s Panzer Tanks!

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New NFL Football Team Briefly Considered

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The latest ruling by the US Patent and Trademark Office cancelling the Washington Redskins’ “Trade Mark” Indian Head logo, saying that the logo is offensive to Native Americans has hardened the owner’s resolve to keep the team name and logo. According to many conservative columnists the only Indian tribe offended by […]

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Hope Solo, US Women’s Soccer Goalie, Can’t Stop Slapping Things Down

Seattle – (satireworld.com) Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be taking her work home with her.

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Disgraced Former World Cup Official Spotted at Latest Games”

(Brazil) – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the games and […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “London Gay Pride Parade Unsuccessful With Football Fans and Players Here in Brazil”

Brazil-FIFA World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Brazilian Sheep Ranches Hire Security Guards to Protect Flocks from Football Players”

Brazil – World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “I Had My First Brazilian Today”

Brazil at the World Cup- (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of […]

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World Cup Bound Harold Worth Accidently Joins A Brazilian Street Gang

Rio de Janiro, Brazil – (satireworld.com) British reporter Harold Worth was in his 6th day of an South American fact finding and a vist to thje FIFA World Cup when, as fate would have it, he made a wrong turn on one of Rio’s numerous freeway off ramps. Soon, after a myriad of turns and […]

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Craig Robinson secures federal earmark to buy Clippers!

Porkville, SXC – (satireworld.com) Flying under the radar on a slow congressional day, South Carolina’s King of Pork, James Clyburn slipped in an earmark to the ‘Save our Veterans from Socialized Euthanasia” bill proposed by John McClain, authorizing $2.6B in taxpayer backed funds for First Lady Michelle Obama’s unemployed brother to buy out the LA […]

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LeBron James Holds American Basketball Fans Hostage Unless Demands Met

Miami – (satireworld.com) NBA superstar and member of the Miami Heat basketball team, LeBron James, threatened to sit out the next season if LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, was not forced to sell the team after recent racist remarks made by Sterling. While he was at it, James made some additional demands as well.

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Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials

Los Angeles – (satireworld.com) Not only has embattled owner of the LA Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, been banned for life from the NBA for his racist remarks, but virtually every other organization in America that is widely known by their initials have banned him as well.

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Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones, will open his big mouth and say something that will get him banned […]

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Beckham’s hazing confession: “I Was Forced Into Self-Sex Acts While at Manchester United”

Manchester (UK) – satireWorld.com David Beckham was forced to perform a humiliating sex act while looking at a photo of soccer fan Ian Youngs during a bizarre homoerotic hazing ritual, the soccer star admits in a new documentary.

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Prize Winner Announced in “Win a Shower With Your Favourite Premier League Team” Contest

Portsmouth,(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Harold Worth, former reporter for this publication, was just announced as the winner of the “Win a Shower With Your Favorite Premier League Team” contest. Worth stated in an interview that he would choose to shower with Manchester United and “I’m really looking forward to the experience. It makes me remember with […]

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Celebrities Will Turn Out To Support Their Teams At 2014 World Cup

Brazil- The World Cup takes place in Brazil this June and will easily be the biggest sporting event of the year, dwarfing not only the NFL Super Bowl but soccer’s own Champions League final. Much like the Olympics its much more than just a sporting competition and mixes equal parts entertainment, festival and national pride […]

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Americans Feel Safer With A Firearm In Their Home by 2 to 1 margin

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) By a margin of slightly more than two-to-one, Americans overall would feel safer with a gun in their house than not, but less than a quarter of Democrats agree, according to a new survey.

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6’7″ High School Junior Malia Obama signs letter of intent with Chicago Bulls!

Chicago, IL – (satireworld.com) The NBA Chicago Bulls made history today by announcing they had signed Malia Obama to a life time contract vesting when she reaches age 18. The 16 year old power forward with the Sidell Friends School said she would forgo her senior year at Sidwell where she has been scoring 67 […]

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PHOTO OF THE DAY

So much money. So much talent. So much suck when it comes to winning.

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Jeter, the New York Heartbreaker

Being a millionaire in New York is not something that dazzles many people, but when you’re single, win 22 million dollars per season and also the captain of the New York Yankees, things could change.

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Why Denver Lost The Super Bowl

Meadowlands, New Jersey NFL experts have listed three reasons why the Denver Broncos were crushed so badly by the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl. The Broncos were beaten 43 to 8 in a game where the Seahawks scored with a safety, rushing touchdowns, passing touchdowns, by interception return, by kickoff return, and by field […]

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PHOTO OF THE DAY

Yeah, that’s it! A time machine with Marty McFly!

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President Obama “Cuts the Cheese” Shortage Problem

Monroe NY – (SatireWorld.com) Kraft Foods announced that customers may not be able to find Velveeta cheese over the next few weeks. The apparent shortage occurred because of the recent changes in the front end of the Velveeta manufacturing process.

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