Archive for 'UK News'

200 Million Americans Sign Petition for Washington DC to Secede from the US and Become Part of the United Kingdom

Boston MA – (satireworld.com) A petition has been placed on the White House website calling for Washington DC to leave the USA and rejoin Great Britain. Over 200 million Americans have signed this petition. The White House will respond to any petition that receives 100,000 signatures in 30 days and this secession petition has far […]

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NATO Jet Shoots Down Prophet Mohammed In Ten Minute Dog Fight

Kabul, Afghanistan NATO forces confirmed today that a Royal Air Force F-16 shot down the Prophet Mohammed crossing over into Afghanistan air space after ignoring requests that he turn around and head back to Pakistan.

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Roma already in Britain ‘are defecating on people’s doorsteps’ says top Tory council leader

London, (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A leading Conservative has warned that council taxpayers face rising costs from the influx of Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants set to start tomorrow – and claims that Roma are already causing trouble by begging aggressively and defecating in public.

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Beckham’s hazing confession: “I Was Forced Into Self-Sex Acts While at Manchester United”

Manchester (UK) – SatireWorld.com) David Beckham was forced to perform a humiliating sex act while looking at a photo of soccer fan Ian Youngs during a bizarre homoerotic hazing ritual, the soccer star admits in a new documentary.

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Drunken Portsmouth Man Wakes Up In Morgue

(Portsmouth (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) It was one of those nights for 58 year old Ian Young. One of those nights when “one more” seemed like a good idea – but wasn’t. He was found passed out on a bus stop bench in Portsmouth without a pulse. Concerned citizens called an ambulance and he was whisked […]

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Politically Correct Britain Bans Pointy Black Witch Hats On Halloween

London, England – (SatireWorld.com) In the realm of political correctness, surely modern Britain has resurrected the Knights of the Roundtable in order to give everyone a commanding seat in the name of diversity. Even at the risk of sounding foolish and maybe paranoid too. Diversity and those dreaded ‘Equality Experts’ have a new target…Black Witches […]

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1 in 2000 Brits Carry Human Mad Cow Disease Cells

Portsmouth (UK)- (SatireWorld.com) One in 2,000 people in the United Kingdom carry a variant of a protein associated with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, the human version of mad cow disease, a new study finds.

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Suicide Breast Implant Bomber Alert In London

London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) London’s Buckingham Palace is on high terror alert amid fears women suicide bombers are ready to strike with ­explosives concealed in breast implants.

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Scientists Grow New Teeth From Urine

Guangzhou, China – (SatireWorld.com) Scientists have grown rudimentary teeth out of the most unlikely of sources, human urine. The results, published in Cell Regeneration Journal, showed that urine could be used as a source of stem cells that in turn could be grown into tiny tooth-like structures.

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Manchester United Adopts the Late Jimmy Savile As Official Team Mascot

Manchester (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The Manchester United British football team voted to adopt the late Jimmy Savile as the official team mascot, replacing the often vague and misunderstood Red Devils symbol.

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Manchester Man Arrested For Lewd Activities Has Record As Registered Sex Offender

Manchester(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Police in Manchester, England have learned that the man they arrested for having sex in public with pool toys has a longer criminal record than they thought. Originally, they only did a background check of his record in the United Kingdom. Now, however, they have learned that Mark Lowtun was previously arrested […]

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Manchester Man Arrested For Having Sex With Pool Float

Manchester(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) For the second time in two years, a Manchester man has been charged with public indecency for allegedly “having sexual relations with a rubber pool float,” a magistrate’s report claims it happened on July 10th. Mark Lowtun, age 14, was indicted today in connection with last month’s incident, which reportedly occurred outside […]

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British RAF Goes On A Beer Run…Own Troops Get Bombed!

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) In the lighter moments of WWII, the Spitfire fighter aircraft was used in an unorthodox role: bringing beer kegs to the fighting men in Normandy.

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New Keats Poem Discovered

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Archaeologists digging in London have discovered a book of manuscripts purported to have been written by the late English poet John Keats. The work was found between the walls in a house that was not previously known to have been inhabited by Keats. Handwriting analysis experts at Scotland Yard verified that […]

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Now Brits Afraid To Fly Own Flag!

Radstock (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A local council in the U.K. just voted down the nation’s flag of St. George allegedly due to the fact that its link to the Crusades might offend the town’s 16 Muslim residents.

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Scrotum surgery leaves Portsmouth man 132 pounds lighter

Portsmouth (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Ian Young the 54-year-old Portsmouth man whose emotional and physical struggles with a 132-pound scrotum drew international attention, has undergone successful surgery to remove the mass, according to the Nairobi surgeon who led the team that performed the nearly 13-hour procedure. Dr. Imbu Imbutu, who heads the Center for Reconstructive Urology […]

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‘Iron Lady’ Margaret Thatcher’s Best Quotes….

London (UK) – Margaret Thatcher, the “Iron Lady”, was a towering figure in British 20th century politics, a grocer’s daughter with a steely resolve who was loved and loathed in equal measure as she crushed the unions and privatised vast swathes of industry. She died on Monday, aged 87, after suffering a stroke. During her […]

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“I Got Mad Cow Disease From Eating Gummi Worms”

The following Editorial is an apology from the editor and owner of England’s on line humour magazine: The Spoof.

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Unexplained Deaths, Missing Ministers Leads to EU Demise: Brits Celebrate!

The UK breathed a sigh of relief today, after over 100 EU appointed ministers were found dead in their baths, hit by cabs, or from mysterious illnesses marked by bodies glowing in the dark.

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“Portsmouth Peckerhead” Joins United Kingdom’s Most Wanted List

Portsmouth (UK)- (SatireWorld.com) Scotland Yard has added the infamous “Portsmouth Peckerhead” to their list of the United Kingdom’s Ten Most Wanted List. The criminal, also known as Harold Worth, Ian Skoob, Skoob1999, Lucifer, Mrs. Kensington, Martin Shuttlecock, and Bookseller, is wanted for several crimes all over the United Kingdom.

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Portsmouth UK Man’s Skull Repaired Using 3-D Printer

Portsmouth (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) Doctors at Queen Alexandra Hospital have used 3D printing technology to replace most of a man’s missing skull in an innovative procedure that is sure to revolutionize orthopedic surgery.

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As Brits Lecture US on Gun Rights…UK Sees Sharp Rise In Knife Deaths

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) An average of over five people are knifed to death in England and Wales every week, as latest figures show that fatal stabbings are at a record level.

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F.D.A. Refuses To Allow Import of Breakfast Cereal “Dingleberry Nut Crunch” Into U.S.A.

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Food and Drug Administration issued a release saying that a new breakfast cereal from England, Dingleberry Nut Crunch, will not be allowed to be imported into or sold in the United States. The cereal, which has become a best seller in the British Isles, has a marketing campaign similar to […]

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Brit Report Reveals..Pedophile Jimmy Savile Once Worked at a Famous Brewery!

London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The latest disclosures from the London Stock Exchange shocked stockholders of a world-famous brewery who thought their holdings were squeaky clean, but revealtions have sent stock prices tumbling when it was learned infamous pedophile and pervert Jimmy Savile not only worked there part-time as a beer keg bung-hole sealer.

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84% of Convicted Pedophiles and Pedophile Priests List Man U as Favorite Premier League Team

Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) In a survey of Catholic Priests in English prison for sexual acts against minors (all male victims), it was discovered that 84% of all those surveyed selected Manchester United (Man U) as their favorite football team in the Premier League. Additionally, it was learned that the favorite football team of all pedophile prisoners […]

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Premier League Team Man U Revealed To Buy Athletic Supporters From Victoria’s Secret

Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) A delivery driver with dyslexia read an address backwards and accidentally delivered Man U’s order to a Manchester fast food restaurant. After opening a box they thought intended for them, the crew of a McDonald’s learned that the box of red, lacey, silk athletic supporters was actually meant for the Man U Premier […]

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Man U Officially Adopts Jimmy Savile As New Team Mascot. Rooney Hints At Team Name Change Too!

Manchester (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The Manhester United British football team voted to adopt the late Jimmy Saville as the official team mascot, replacing the often vague and misunderstood Red Devils symbol.

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Richard Simmons Embroiled In Vaginal Mesh Suit Says: Don’t Call Me “Dick” For Short!

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Obama’s new ambassador to England, Richard Simmons, made a big splash in the House of Commons yesterday where Speaker John Bercow introduced him to a huge crowd of gay staffers saying “And now, heeeeeres Dick!”

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New U.S. Ambassador Richard Simmons Wears Pippa Wedding Dress Knock-Off For First Meeting With Queen

London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Richard Simmons, the fitness guru who is the new United States Ambassador to England, wore a discount retailer brand knock off of the famous Pippa Middleton Maid of Honour Dress for his first meeting with Queen Elizabeth II. The Ambassador, who also wore pearls and matching white gloves, said that he […]

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Obama Administration Appoints Fitness Guru Richard Simmons as British Ambassador

London(UK) British foreigh service personal were aghast as sequined topped Richard Simmons presented his official papers to the British Home Secretary as his first act as the US Ambassador to the Court of St. James in London.

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