Archive for 'UK News'
Lindsay Lohan Offers Oral Sex To Anyone Who Will Watch Her Next Movie
Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Actress Lindsay Lohan has offered to perform oral sex on everyone in America who voluntarily buys tickets to see her next movie. The former child star and one time Disney actress has seen her career decline as an adult, partially due to her drinking, drugs, partying, out of control lifestyle, and [...]
Full StoryCompeting Writer Forms Ragtag Army Attacks SatireWorld!
London, England – (SatireWorld.com) Scores of drunken and mainly over-the-hill Englishmen launched an unprovoked attack against SatireWorld early this morning. Casualties were reported to be heavy on the English side as patriotic SW defenders threw projectiles made from ‘Dorky Books’ back in defense of their territory. When asked to explain what that particular book was, [...]
Full StoryPopular British Spoof Site Holds Their Breath Over Jimmy Savile Document Release
Portsmouth(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Thousands of pages of information gathered over the BBC’s decision to discontinue its investigation into alleged abuse by Jimmy Savile are set to be made public on Friday, much to the worry of a popular British spoofer’s site called…The Spoof and the son of the accused pedophile.
Full StoryAt 102 Years Old, Woman finally Stops Smoking
Altoona, PA – (SatireWorld.com) Birthday girl Clara Cowell has proved that it’s never too late to change bad habits. At 102 years old, she finally quit smoking after picking up the habit in 1931. She didn’t quit smoking because of her health which is fine, but finally stopped the habit because her family was worried [...]
Full StoryPrize Winner Announced in “Win a Shower With Your Favourite Premier League Team” Contest
Portsmouth,(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Harold Worth, former reporter for this publication, was just announced as the winner of the “Win a Shower With Your Favorite Premier League Team” contest. Worth stated in an interview that he would choose to shower with Manchester United and “I’m really looking forward to the experience. It makes me remember with [...]
Full StoryThe 2013 ‘Dorking Dorks’ Award Winners Are….
It’s with great pleasure that SatireWorld announces….. It’s that time again…..The 2013 Dorking Dorks Awards are out! These annual honors are given to the persons who did the human gene pool the biggest service by disposing of themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Full StoryIs It Really Better To Give Than To Receive? A Fudge Packer’s Perspective
Lancaster (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) We recently experienced the Christmas Holiday (I apologize to all of my Muslim neighbors here in England for saying Christmas, for celebrating Christmas, and for being a Christian, so please don’t declare Jihad on me as I know that I am an infidel and that your religion is much more important [...]
Full StoryBrit Muslim Mom Beats Son To Death Over Quran Lessons
London(UK)- (SatireWorld.com) On Monday, an English judge sentenced a woman he called a “devoted and loving muslim mother” to at least 17 years in prison for beating her son Yaseen to death after he failed to memorize passages from the Quran.
Full StoryPortsmouth Man Attacked By ‘Oompa Loompas’ According To Eyewitness’
Portsmouth(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A man in Portsmouth, England, was reportedly attacked last week by a pair of Oompa Loompas after a night of pub crawling with friends.
Full StoryPost British Handgun Ban….Result? Handgun Crime Doubles!
Via WSJ (SatireWorld.com) Americans are determined that massacres such as happened in Newtown, Conn., never happen again. But how? Many advocate more effective treatment of mentally-ill people or armed protection in so-called gun-free zones. Many others demand stricter control of firearms.
Full StoryBritish National Secret Revealed…’We Actually Love To Kiss Muslim’s Behinds!’
London, (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) At giant British automaker Bentley, a company chaplain was let go mere days before Christmas so he wouldn’t offend a minority of muslims who worked on the production line. Rev. Stanley Moore served the staid automaker for 25 years counseling workers for marriage problems, health, and deaths within their family. Today, [...]
Full StoryIn Letter From The Grave, Jimmy Savile Boasts….”I’m Martin Shuttlecock’s Real Father”
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) In a posthumorus letter addressed to a British tabloid, children’s presenter Jimmy Savile admitted he is Dorking Review writer Martin Shuttlecock’s real father.
Full StoryExodus of Spoof Writers Seek Greener Pastures…And More Fun-Less Drama!
The Spoof – (SatireWorld.com) It was bound to happen sooner or later as frustrated writers from across the globe sought more amicable pastures to ply their trade craft without the drama and behind the scenes manipulation that has caused so much grief for so many. Leaving a faltering website that promised much, but in recent [...]
Full StoryEnglishmen Not Producing As Much Sperm As Before Says Brit Physician
Birmingham (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) When it comes to sperm counts, those randy Englishmen aren’t what they used to be, according to a new national study.
Full StoryDOJ’s Eric Holder OK’s Installation of Bidet for UK Terrorist Who Can’t Wipe his own Arse With Two Stumps
Levenworth Penitentiary – (SatireWorld.com) A long awaited extradition from the UK for Egyptian born inept bomber Mustafa Kamel (sic) Mustafa,(MKM) (he blew off both hands and an eye while playing cricket according to his autobiography) has brought added expenses for his up keep, a fact long endured by the Brits.
Full StoryBercows Raise Eyes in Commons over new Cars and Tags
Londonstan (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The staid House of Commons (sic) were summit aghast today as Speaker John Bercow and celebrity star wife and Gypsy Shagger Sally debuted their new cars at their taxpayer funded apartment.
Full StorySatire Writer Martin Schuttlecock Rushed to Hospital….Stomach Removed After Bout of Binge Drinking
Portsmouth (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) British surgeons removed a elderly man’s stomach to save his life after he drank a trendy cocktail made with liquid nitrogen during a night out with friends, police said.
Full StoryBritish Man Invents ‘Self-Banning’ Software….Subscribers Simply Disappear!
Lancaster(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) In the ever changing world of science and technology amazing marvels find their way into the desktop computers of millions of consumers. Often before much of the technology is proven or actually fully developed to its greatest potential. A Lancaster man possible upped the ante by developing a software system that actually [...]
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