Archive for 'UK News'
Keith Richards Supports Lance Armstrong In His Fight To Retain His Wins
Several national and international bicycling organizations are in process of stripping Lance Armstrong of all of his wins and medals (including seven wins in the Tour de France). Armstrong is accused of using performance enhancing drugs and of blood doping. Rolling Stone Keith Richards has issued a statement in support of Lance Armstrong. “Even though [...]
Full StoryLondon Announces Plan To Fund Olympics By Having Pippa Middleton Mud Wrestle Against Ivana Phuque
London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) The London Olympics, which are currently running a deficit of hundreds of millions of Euros, may soon be profitable. The London Olympic Organizing Committee has announced plans for a special, pay per view event to be held one week before the Opening Ceremonies. That night, Pippa “the ass” Middleton will mud wrestle [...]
Full StoryDespite Requests, IOC Will Not Add Quidditch To London Olympic Games
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Quidditch will not be added to the 2012 Summer Olympic Games as either a regular, medal or as an exhibition sport. Despite millions of requests by Harry Potter fans, the International Olympic Committee has decided that the sport created by J.K. Rowling will not be played in London this summer as [...]
Full StoryCanadian Conundrum Continues in Gender “Box” Identification Confusion!
Port Dover, Canada – (SatireWorld.com) The Canadian government admitted today that they are stumped over how to classify an influx of EU citizens flooding the country over fears of unrest, anarchy, crimes against nature, sodomy, football (soccer) riots, high taxes, not to mention political correctness and ‘uman rights!
Full Story5,000 Moslems in England To Move To Falkland Islands
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Slightly over 5000 British Moslems, most of whom were born in the Middle East, have announced plans to relocate to the Falkland Islands. As the current population of the Falklands is less than 3200, this will give the area a new look and a new majority culture.
Full StoryCancellation of IMDb Daily Poll Causes Rioting, Hunger Strikes, Suicides
Las Cruces,NM – (SatireWorld.com) Late last week, the Internet Movie DataBase (IMDb) stopped placing their daily poll and daily quote/trivia on their homepage on the web. Instead, they told readers that these items could now be found on their Facebook page. Loss of the daily poll, which generally brought about 20,000 voters (world wide) to [...]
Full StoryHome Secretary Theresa May Calls for Press Conference Yesterday Over Pensioner Accused of Killing 4′ Rat!
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A disheveled, dazed and confused Theresa May, the 56 year old MP from Maidenhead (NPI), and the besieged Home Secretary today called for a 3 PM news conference yesterday, to discuss ‘yuman rights as they apply to rats entering the country illegally , posing threats to the populace and being exterminated [...]
Full StoryFrance’s Sarkozy Invokes EU Law Against ‘Dwarf Tossing’ in Bid to Maintain Power!
Paris, France – (SatireWorld.com) Diminutive French President Nicholas Sarkozy, behind in the polls and threatened with being the first one term president since 1981, called on the Council of Ministers in Brussels to enforce their rules against ‘Dwarf Tossing’ as he struggles to win re election.
Full StoryLondon’s Mayoral Candidate Promises To Turn The City Into…a Muslim Londonstan
London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Mayoral candidate Ken Livingstone has promised to turn London into a “beacon” for the words of the Prophet Mohammed in a sermon at one of the capital’s most controversial mosques. Later he was quoted as saying, “I promise to rename our fair city London-stan!”
Full StoryNike’s New Sneaker Offering Pisses Off The Irish Just Before St. Patrick’s Day
Dublin, Ireland – (SatireWorld.com) Nike has put its foot squarely in its mouth and just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. Today, Nike released a seasonal sneaker that bears the same name as a British paramilitary force notorious for brutal attacks on civilians in Ireland….The Black and Tan.
Full StoryBuckingham Palace Guard Fired After Insulting Kate Middleton
London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) An 18-year-old Buckingham Palace Guard was fired from his post days ahead of the royal wedding last May after he allegedly slammed Kate Middleton in a Facebook post.
Full StoryMystery Surrounds Barn in Estonia where 2 Met Horses on Loan Found Next to Dead Baron!
Vorski,Estonia – (SatireWorld.com) Estonian officials are remaining ‘mum’ concerning the ‘accidental death’ of a posh British Baron and his wife in a secluded retreat which they blame on “a lack of oxygen leading to death.”
Full StoryAfter Birth Abortion: Why Society Should Have to Right to Cull Furture Politicians for the Public Good!
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A storm of controversy has arisen in UK Academic Circles after a noted philosopher and medical ethicist has published a paper positing that society would be better off if future politicians were terminated shortly AFTER birth in order to prevent a financial burden to that society from a state already too [...]
Full StoryTraffic Urged Onto A5 after Giant Hairball Closes A38 and Bristol Airport in UK!
Bristol(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) A near disaster was narrowly averted, it has been reported, after a Bristol man caused the shut down of the Bristol airport and the A38 whilst doing ‘a bit of spring cleaning!”
Full StoryPancake Day in Britain Falls Flat as 600 Students Detained for Using Aunt Jemima Racist Mix!
London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Pancake day, originally kicked off in 1445 when a woman rushed to answer church bells carrying her smoking hot frying pan while flipping her unfinished pancake, had unfortunate overtones yesterday as a horde of students were held on suspicion of violating human rights and multiculturalism laws!
Full StoryPortsmouth Man Arrested For Cooking and Eating Neighborhood Cats
Portsmouth(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) In a case that has shocked even harden British investigators, a Portsmouth man is in jail for allegedly cooking and eating neighborhood cats.
Full StoryQueen Elizabeth Celebrates 60 Years on Throne: Claims She’s Not Constipated!
Buckingham Palace – (SatireWorld.com) Queen Elizabeth was entered into the Guinness Book of Records today after occupying the royal throne in Buckingham Palace for 60 years, claiming she’d die onnit!
Full Story“Boy In A Bag” Mystery Reopened as Ties to “Britain’s Got Talent” Revealed!
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) “All good things come to people who wait,” said Fiona Wilcox, the Crown’s Coroner for Westminster, as she announced she would be reopening the investigation of the ‘mysterious’ death of MI6 cryptologist Gareth Williams, 31, found trussed up like a bagged goose just two short years ago.
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