Archive for 'US News'

Classic Chuck Norris Film “Good Guys Wear Black” to have Politically Correct Remake

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) 1978’s Chuck Norris action film “Good Guys Wear Black” will have a politically correct remake scheduled for release in two years as a holiday film.  The new movie, titled “Good Guys Wear Black Fishnet Stockings,” is scheduled to being filming next summer in San Francisco, California.

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Woman Reveals She Was With Kavanaugh the Night Christine Blasey Ford Testified About

Dubsdread, OH – (satireworld.com) An Ohio woman has revealed that, “according to the records in my journal,” she was actually having sex with Brett Kavanaugh on the night Christine Blasey Ford claims he tried to rape her.  Mary Jane Rottencrotch said that “I wrote everything down, I have pictures, and I can tell you where […]

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Sexual Allegations Against “Slick Willie” Different Than Those Against Trump and Kavanaugh?

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) The 2008 and 2016 losing Democratic presidential candidate and corrupt Obama Administration Secretary of State (SOS) Hillary Clinton makes inventive remarks in a new interview with a noted CNN reporter! She defended her husband “Slick Willie” against the allegations of sexual misconduct that he has faced over the years.

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The Value of the Name in Politics: A Satireworld Editorial

SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL- I grew up on the United States-Mexico border in El Paso, Texas.  I’m also a white guy… 100%.  My dad’s family comes from England and my mom’s is from England on one side and Italy on the other.  Before England and Italy, I don’t know where they are from (and I am too […]

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Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com) The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.  Not only is the Senator the owner, but is also the President, founder, designer, […]

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500+ at California Nude Beach Commit Self Mutilation

San Diego, CA – (satireworld.com) Over five hundred people at a San Diego Nude Beach cut, poked, gouged out, stabbed, and mutilated their eyes in multiple ways to purposefully lose their vision.  These acts of personal blinding are blamed on Senator Dianne Feinstein (one of California’s famed Trio of Terror) showing up and disrobing on […]

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Swing City in Arkansas Elects Republican Mayor With 95% of the Vote

Camel Tie Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com) Farley Dickerson was elected mayor of Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas with a whopping 95% of the vote.  Camel Toe Ridge, the seat of Snatch County, is considered a pivotal “swing” city for indicating the vote in the national election.

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Hillary Clinton Claims Brett Kavanaugh Sent Her Inappropriate Emails But She Can’t Find Them

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Former First Lady, Senator, Presidential Candidate, murderer, traitor, and crooked lawyer Hillary Clinton has revealed that Brett Kavanaugh sent her inappropriate emails of a sexual nature.  Clinton, however, is surprisingly unable to locate the emails.

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Liberal Democratic Senators Smell Up Judiciary Hearing Rooms

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The hearing rooms where the Senate Judiciary Committee meets, both the large and small conference areas, have been closed for maintenance. A foul smell was left by the smear campaign carried out by the 10 committee Democrats questioning Judge Kavanaugh on his confirmation to be an Associate Justice of the Supreme […]

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California’s Trio of Terror Upset People Confusing Them With Horror Movie Characters

California, USA – (satireworld.com) They are not Freddy Kruger, Jason Vorhees, and Pinhead.  They are not Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy.  They are not the Predator, the Alien, and Darth Vader.  They are also not Godzilla, King Kong, and Mothra.  You’d also be wrong with The Wolfman, Chucky the Killer Doll, and Michael Myers.  Dianne […]

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Alyssa Milano Admits She Was Trying to Increase Her Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Alyssa Milano, who has not been really relevant since starring in Charmed and Who’s the Boss, tried to reinvent her fifteen minutes of fame last week by appearing nearly topless at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings.  Milano, who stated that she was there to support the female accuser […]

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C.D.C. Commissions Study On Effects Of Drinking From Toilets On Dogs

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) The Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) has contributed two billion dollars to Georgia Tech University to study the effects of drinking from a toilet on dogs.  The research, to be conducted with several breeds of dogs over five years and in multiple locations, will examine the physical health of the canines, as […]

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Gay Pride Marchers Beat Two Men To Death For Not Standing For Rainbow Flag

Denver, CO – (satireworld.com) A gay pride march turned violent in Colorado yesterday when two men were beaten to death for not standing when the rainbow flag was carried past them.  Travis Johnson (black heterosexual) and Jack Swanson (white heterosexual) were sitting outside their business (Johnson and Swanson Barber Shop) eating their lunch in Denver […]

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Iranian Ayatollah Demands No One Draw or Take His Picture

Tehran, Iran – (satireworld.com) Iranian Ayatollah Smella Buttholla has demanded that, like Muhammad, no one is to take his picture or to draw/paint/sculpt a caricature or portrait of him.  Buttholla feels that, to attempt to emulate the Islamic prophet, one must act like and be treated like the prophet.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I understand about you and your wife and people growing apart. I do want to know if you still communicate with her and what she thinks about your living “biblically” with a bunch of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

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Los Angeles Police Arrest Entire California Kindergarten For Having Straws in their Juice Boxes

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) The kindergarten classes at Che Guevara Elementary School (formerly Ronald Reagan Elementary School) in Los Angeles, California was arrested, along with their teacher, as each child had a plastic straw in their juice box at lunch time.  The juice boxes, brought from home and purchased by their parents, were from […]

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LGBTQ To Found Own Version of Cub Scouts Called Rump Rangers

Spokane, WA – (satireworldf.com) Following the tradition of youth groups such as the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts, the Junior Birdmen, and the Campfire Girls, the national LGBTQ organization has announced that they will found their own version of the Cub Scouts and Brownies for both boys and girls.  The new group will be called […]

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More Kavanaugh Accusations Revealed

Washington, DC – (satitreworld.com) After the initial three allegations were revealed over a few weeks, a startling number of allegations against Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh were revealed just today.  Those allegations include:

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Fans Mourn Death of Scooby-Doo at Funeral

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Forty year old Great Dane Scooby-Doo (exact date of birth unknown as he wasn’t registered) was laid to rest yesterday at a funeral at the Hollywood Park Cemetery; He was too big to be buried in a cardboard box in the backyard.  His grave is between the fire hydrant at the […]

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Anthony Weiner Announces Penis Enhancement Surgery Successful

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Democratic Politician Anthony Weiner, former member of the House of Representatives and mayoral candidate from New York City, has announced that his penis enhancement surgery was “more than successful!”  Weiner, who is currently in prison for child pornography charges due to a year long sexting scandal with a 15 […]

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Colorado Civil Rights Commission is Harassing Local Businesses Again

Denver CO – (satireworld.com) Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in suburban Denver, refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple on religious grounds and was cited by the Colorado Civil Rights Commission (CCRC) for Gay discrimination. The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) upheld Mr. Phillips refusal. He has now […]

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Breaking News! NY Times Reports Woman Who Claims a ‘Drunk Brett Kavanaugh Stiffed Me!’

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) As Senate Republicans press for a swift vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s nominee to the Supreme Court, Senate Democrats are investigating a new allegation of misconduct against Kavanaugh. The claim dates to the 1983-84 academic school year, when Kavanaugh was a freshman at Yale University and visited […]

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F.D.A. To Fund Study To Discover The Way The Cookie Crumbles

Palo Alto, CA – (satireworld.com) “That’s the way the cookie crumbles” is an expression that has been around since the 1920’s.  The exact origin of the phrase is unknown, but it is used as another way to say “that’s life.”  Researchers at Stanford University have received a three billion dollar grant from the Food and […]

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Emergency Room Admissions To Soar On Trump’s FEMA Text Alert Trial

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) Thursday’s debut of the Presidential Alert of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System hit a bum note today with proctologists warning of ‘potentially dire consequences’ as telecoms providers promised to crank up cell phone tones and vibration functions ahead of the anticipated trial.

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Annual “Throw a Paper Airplane at a Mosque Day” Guidelines Released

Religion-of-Peace Mall Hershey Highway, PA – (satireworld.com) The rules and guidelines for the annual “Throw a Paper Airplane at a Mosque Day” commemoration of 9/11 will take place on 10/11 this year.  The quiet and peaceful demonstration has quickly spread across the United States in memory of the tragedy of September 11th, when Moslem terrorists […]

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Michael Jordan Announces Another Comeback

SPORTS NEWS NETWORK- Michael “Air” Jordan, who is often called the greatest basketball player of all time, has announced that he will make his 3rd comeback attempt at age 55.  Jordan originally played for the Chicago Bulls from 1984 – 1993, retired to try his hand at baseball, came back to the Bulls from 1995 – […]

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We Have the Barack Obama

New York NY – (satireworld.com) The 73rd session of the United Nations (UN) opened in early September 2018 in New York City (NYC) with a meeting of the UN General Assembly of 193 nations at its Turtle Bay Headquarters. The heads of state of various nations presented their world view and problems for consideration at […]

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2019 Dancing With The Stars To Feature All Plus Size Contestants

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) Network officials and show producers have announced that the 2019 season of “Dancing With The Stars” will feature nothing but “big” contestants.  The “big,” however, is not what you would normally thing of as “big Hollywood stars.”  All of next year’s contestants will be plus sized.

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NYC Bans Coney Island Whitefish

New York NY: New York City (NYC) (satireworld.com) Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYC Council have passed an ordinance banning Coney Island Whitefish. The Coney Island Whitefish, better known as a Condom (latex/rubber), cannot now be disposed of in any manner (like flushing) that causes this protective device to wind up in any […]

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Nike’s Next Commercial To Feature Hanoi Jane Beheading Christians

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com) Nike, which is trying to corner and control the market on Un-Americans and Anti-Americans, has announced a follow-up to their Colin Kaepernick commercials.  Famous traitor and subversive “Hanoi” Jane Fonda, who has been found guilty of treason in the court of public opinion but not in the Hollywood and Democratically controlled […]

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