Archive for 'Headlines of the Day'

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Admits Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Enemy Rita Repulsa Is Her Mother

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) New New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who had already made a name for herself with her wild and outlandish accusations, claims, and actions, has admitted that Rita Repulsa, the sworn enemy of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, is her biological mother  “Like most little girls, my mother is my […]

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Christian Fundamentalists Sue Democratic Party Due to Biased Political Correctness

Tampa, FL – (satireworld.com) Eleven groups of Christian fundamentalists have filed a lawsuit against the Democratic Party for libel and bias due to unfair treatment under hate speech and political correctness laws.  The groups have stated that they have no intention of settling out of court, but want their issues and concerns to be heard […]

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Elizabeth Warren Announces Her All Inclusive Candidacy In Her Bid to be Elected President

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com) Senator Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren has announced that her candidacy for the office of President of the United States will be all-inclusive towards all people off all backgrounds.  “No one will be left out in my bid for this highest of political office as I open my arms and my heart to […]

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2018 Darwin Awards Announced

Once again, the eagerly awaited Darwin Awards have been announced for 2018.

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Blame Assigned for National Internet Outage

Chicago, IL – (satireworld.com) The national internet outage that affected several carriers/providers for internet and cell phone service has been blamed on several factors:

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Starring Role Cast for Nancy Pelosi in New Big Screen Biopic

Hollywood, CA- (satireworld.com) The pig who starred in “Babe” and its sequel “Babe; Pig in the City” has been cast to star in a new Hollywood biopic on Nancy Pelosi.  The big budget film, set for December release in 2019, is expected to compete for multiple Oscars, Golden Globes, and other awards.

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After Justice Bader-Ginsburg Latest Cancer Diagnosis Desperate Liberals Contract Leading Taxidermist

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) A sense of dread spread through the ultra-liberal ranks of the Democratic Party within hours after an update on Supreme Court Justice Ruth Badder-Ginsburg’s latest health crisis in which surgeons at Walter Reed Hospital removed two cancerous growths from her left lung. The Supreme Court Justice has had two prior bouts […]

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Nancy Pelosi Diagnosed With Debilitating Infectious Disease at Annual Physical

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) California congresswoman Nancy Pelosi was shocked and saddened to hear the results of her annual physical.  The leading Washington Democrat was diagnosed with a case of bovine spongiform encephalopathy by doctors at Walter Reed.  The findings were verified by the Mayo Clinic and the local offices of Planned Parenthood (where Pelosi […]

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Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Maxine Waters Say Christmas is a Racist Holiday

New York, NY – (satireworld.com) Three famous black leaders, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Maxine Waters, have united together to refer to Christmas as a racist holiday.  In a joint statement released in Washington D.C., the three stated that “we call upon all people of color to boycott this white supremacy.  Do not go shopping […]

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Former French President Sarkozy Once Took $50 Million From Muammer Gaddafi, Does a Possible Matching Contribution to Obama Explain Benghazi?

Food for thought: (satireworld.com) During the 2011 French Presidential Campaign, former Libyan dictator Muammer Gaddafi donated sixty million euros to the reelection fund of sitting French president Nicolas Sarkozy.  Per Libyan officials in a French 2018 investigation, the money was given in exchange for “access and favors.”   Sauf-al-Islam Gaddafi said in an interview with Euronews […]

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Blotter: Police Make First Arrests of Christmas Holiday Season

The Police Department (Christmas Division) have made their first arrest of the 2018 holiday season.  For public record, the arrests are listed below:

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Barrio Santa Claus Considers Painting His Low Rider Something Other Than “Arrest Me Red”

El Paso, Texas – (satireworld.com) Barrio Santa Claus, who visits his paisanos and his hermanitos every year on Christmas Eve to deliver gifts, has announced plans to paint his low rider something than the traditional “arrest me red.  “La Migra always tries to arrest me when I cross the border because my ride just stands […]

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Happy Thanksgiving from the Satire World Staff

HAPPY THANKSGIVING Y’ALL!

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Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com) The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.  Not only is the Senator the owner, but is also the President, founder, designer, […]

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500+ at California Nude Beach Commit Self Mutilation

San Diego, CA – (satireworld.com) Over five hundred people at a San Diego Nude Beach cut, poked, gouged out, stabbed, and mutilated their eyes in multiple ways to purposefully lose their vision.  These acts of personal blinding are blamed on Senator Dianne Feinstein (one of California’s famed Trio of Terror) showing up and disrobing on […]

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Swing City in Arkansas Elects Republican Mayor With 95% of the Vote

Camel Tie Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com) Farley Dickerson was elected mayor of Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas with a whopping 95% of the vote.  Camel Toe Ridge, the seat of Snatch County, is considered a pivotal “swing” city for indicating the vote in the national election.

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Liberal Democratic Senators Smell Up Judiciary Hearing Rooms

Washington DC – (satireworld.com) The hearing rooms where the Senate Judiciary Committee meets, both the large and small conference areas, have been closed for maintenance. A foul smell was left by the smear campaign carried out by the 10 committee Democrats questioning Judge Kavanaugh on his confirmation to be an Associate Justice of the Supreme […]

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California’s Trio of Terror Upset People Confusing Them With Horror Movie Characters

California, USA – (satireworld.com) They are not Freddy Kruger, Jason Vorhees, and Pinhead.  They are not Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy.  They are not the Predator, the Alien, and Darth Vader.  They are also not Godzilla, King Kong, and Mothra.  You’d also be wrong with The Wolfman, Chucky the Killer Doll, and Michael Myers.  Dianne […]

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Ivana Phuque and Nastia Phuque to Compete Together as Tennis Doubles on Tour

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com) Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics  herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour.  Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the […]

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Alyssa Milano Admits She Was Trying to Increase Her Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Alyssa Milano, who has not been really relevant since starring in Charmed and Who’s the Boss, tried to reinvent her fifteen minutes of fame last week by appearing nearly topless at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings.  Milano, who stated that she was there to support the female accuser […]

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C.D.C. Commissions Study On Effects Of Drinking From Toilets On Dogs

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) The Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) has contributed two billion dollars to Georgia Tech University to study the effects of drinking from a toilet on dogs.  The research, to be conducted with several breeds of dogs over five years and in multiple locations, will examine the physical health of the canines, as […]

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Gay Pride Marchers Beat Two Men To Death For Not Standing For Rainbow Flag

Denver, CO – (satireworld.com) A gay pride march turned violent in Colorado yesterday when two men were beaten to death for not standing when the rainbow flag was carried past them.  Travis Johnson (black heterosexual) and Jack Swanson (white heterosexual) were sitting outside their business (Johnson and Swanson Barber Shop) eating their lunch in Denver […]

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Iranian Ayatollah Demands No One Draw or Take His Picture

Tehran, Iran – (satireworld.com) Iranian Ayatollah Smella Buttholla has demanded that, like Muhammad, no one is to take his picture or to draw/paint/sculpt a caricature or portrait of him.  Buttholla feels that, to attempt to emulate the Islamic prophet, one must act like and be treated like the prophet.

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Los Angeles Police Arrest Entire California Kindergarten For Having Straws in their Juice Boxes

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) The kindergarten classes at Che Guevara Elementary School (formerly Ronald Reagan Elementary School) in Los Angeles, California was arrested, along with their teacher, as each child had a plastic straw in their juice box at lunch time.  The juice boxes, brought from home and purchased by their parents, were from […]

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LGBTQ To Found Own Version of Cub Scouts Called Rump Rangers

Spokane, WA – (satireworldf.com) Following the tradition of youth groups such as the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts, the Junior Birdmen, and the Campfire Girls, the national LGBTQ organization has announced that they will found their own version of the Cub Scouts and Brownies for both boys and girls.  The new group will be called […]

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More Kavanaugh Accusations Revealed

Washington, DC – (satitreworld.com) After the initial three allegations were revealed over a few weeks, a startling number of allegations against Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh were revealed just today.  Those allegations include:

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Fans Mourn Death of Scooby-Doo at Funeral

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Forty year old Great Dane Scooby-Doo (exact date of birth unknown as he wasn’t registered) was laid to rest yesterday at a funeral at the Hollywood Park Cemetery; He was too big to be buried in a cardboard box in the backyard.  His grave is between the fire hydrant at the […]

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Anthony Weiner Announces Penis Enhancement Surgery Successful

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Democratic Politician Anthony Weiner, former member of the House of Representatives and mayoral candidate from New York City, has announced that his penis enhancement surgery was “more than successful!”  Weiner, who is currently in prison for child pornography charges due to a year long sexting scandal with a 15 […]

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70’s Isis Star Claims She’s Not A Terrorist

Pittsburgh, PA – (satireworld.com) Joanna Cameron, star of the mid-1970’s Saturday morning television series Isis, claims that she is not in any way affiliated with the terrorist group ISIS (called ISIL by some Democrats to show support for and pander to Syria).  She says that “yes, my show is named after the Egyptian goddess and […]

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F.D.A. To Fund Study To Discover The Way The Cookie Crumbles

Palo Alto, CA – (satireworld.com) “That’s the way the cookie crumbles” is an expression that has been around since the 1920’s.  The exact origin of the phrase is unknown, but it is used as another way to say “that’s life.”  Researchers at Stanford University have received a three billion dollar grant from the Food and […]

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