Archive for 'Lead Story'

Supreme Court Rules Large Black Athletes Giving Nerdish White Students Wedgies A Hate Crime

The Supreme Court Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) In a world where everything done against a Moslem, Gay, Minority, Mentally Handicapped, or Overweight person can be considered a hate crime, the Supreme Court added a new category to their protected list: nerds. In a 6 to 3 vote, the highest court in the land ruled that […]

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Harry Reid Announces Intentions To Be Hillary Clinton’s Running Mate

Las Vegas, NV – (satireworld.com) Nevada Senator Harry Reid announced that he plans “to campaign really hard” in order to become Hillary Clinton’s running mate if she becomes the nominee of the Democratic Party in the 2016 elections. Reid, who believes that “Hillary can do great things to and for the American people, just like […]

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Surgeon General’s Office Finds Multiple New Problems with Smoking

Provo, UT – (satireworld.com) The Surgeon General’s office released a report today that cigarette smoking contains dangers other than just lung and throat cancer. Dewey Flintlock, official spokesman, said in an interview that these dangers are far reaching. “Have you ever noticed how a smoker will light a cigarette while sitting directly beneath a “no […]

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Obama Issues Presidential Order Declaring Nancy Pelosi a MILF

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Barack Obama issued his latest presidential order only to have it met by laughter and derision from Republicans, Conservatives, and every straight male in the thinking world. Presidential order 6969FU states that “Due to her diligent service in government, her selfless dedication to the people of her Congressional District, to California, […]

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Qualifications to Date Me!

Las Cruses, NM – (satireworld.com) Knowing that women the world over are interested in dating a superior example of manhood like me, but are not sure of my standards or my true comfort zone, I present:

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Seven; Other Misc. Crap I Couldn’t Fit In Elsewhere)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Seven of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Six; Failure)

Note: This is Part Six of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Five; Fund Raising Activities)

Note: This is Part Five of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System. I called this section “Fund Raising Activities.” It could also be called “Turning Your Children into the […]

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Four; Me and Education)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Four of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Three; Standardized Testing)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Three of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System. I could just write the words worthless, stupid, and wasteful here and end this […]

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The Greatest Motivational Pro-American Speech Ever (and it wasn’t delivered by a politician… and it isn’t politically correct)

On this 4th of July weekend, I think that General George S. Patton said it best:

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S.A.T. Test to Dumb Down Due to Dimwitted Dudes

Seattle, WA – (satireworld.com) Makers of the S.A.T., the P.S.A.T., and the A.C.T. test announced and admitted today that they are dumbing down their tests due to falling scores. Officials at the National Center for Educational Studies, a watchdog group, blame this decline on “the emergence of other priorities into the life of the average […]

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Actress Emma Watson Admits That One Of Her Internet “Fake Nudes” Is Real

London UK – (satireworld.com) British actress Emma Watson, who played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series of films, admitted today that one of her “fake nudes” posted on the internet is actually her. Watson, who is twenty-four years old, is the subject of thousands of photo-shopped nude pictures on the World Wide Web.

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“Anal Seepage” Voted Least Favorite Thing To Discover In A Chair

Las Cruces, NM – (satireworld.com) In a poll conducted by The Harvard Institute of Silly Surveys That Waste Government Money But Provide Work For Tenured Professors, Lazy Students and ACORN Workers, Anal Seepage was voted “The Least Favorite Thing To Find In A Chair.”

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MSNBC Fires Writer For Not Putting Political Slant on News Story

MSNBC Studios, NY – (satireworld.com) Melvin Mitsoe was asked to clean out his desk today at MSNBC. His boss then did the embarrassing job of looking through the cardboard box to make sure that Melvin wasn’t taking home anything that didn’t belong to him. The young reporter, who graduated with honors from the University of […]

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‘Abortion Barbie’ Wendy Davis (D-TX) Pledges Legalized Abortions Even After Full Term Birth

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) Several Wendy Davis for Governor supporters signed a petition on Wednesday demanding lawmakers legalize “fourth trimester” abortions. The petition, which was circulated outside of the Wendy Davis for Governor election center by an undercover SatireWorld reporter. He told Davis supporters the petition was aimed at sending “a message to our lawmakers […]

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MSNBC Announces Date for Sixth Annual “Take Your Barack Obama Blow Up Sex Doll to Work Day”

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) The MSNBC broadcast network has announced that Friday, May 2nd, will be their sixth annual “Take Your Barack Obama Blow Up Sex Doll to Work Day.” Network employee Chris “Tingles” Matthews said “While many companies hold a “Take Your Daughter to Work Day” or “Take Your Child to Work […]

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Actress Kirsten Dunst Breaks From Hollywood Norm, Espouses Traditional Gender Roles

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Kirsten Dunst apparently is one Hollywood actress that has the ability to express an opinion that is contrary to the non-traditional, liberal, feminist agenda of her industry. In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK, Dunst said: “”I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to […]

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Obama Orders U.S. Flags to Fly at Half Mast for One Month at Death of Illegal Alien Aunt

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com) It is traditionally an honor reserved for former Presidents of the United States. It has also been used to memorialize tragedies such as 9/11, the Space Shuttle disasters, or the Oklahoma City Bombing. Now, the tradition of lowering the American Flag to half mast will be used to commemorate and remember […]

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Final Watergate Tapes Released to the Public

The Vanna White House – (satireworld.com) In early 1975, President Gerald Ford discovered a box of cassette tapes inside of the box springs in the Presidential Bedroom. The President and First Lady, thinking they might be musical, listened to one of them and learned that they were actually taped conversations from inside of the oval […]

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A Florida gun owner (unarmed) is certified as ‘unwelcome in Maryland’

A SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL Florida resident John Filippidis, silver-haired family man, business owner, employer and taxpayer, is also licensed to carry a concealed firearm. He’d rather he didn’t feel the need, “but things aren’t like they used to be. The break-ins, the burglaries, all the crime. And I carry cash a lot of the time. I’m […]

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The Fat Man has Sung; But It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over!

Fort Lee, NJ – (SatireWorld.com) Governor Chis Christie, with his fat in the fire, addressed a frenzied media this afternoon which resembled the rabid dogs that allegedly tore apart Kim Dung Ugh’s uncle, and he was only described as ‘SCUM!” Christie was forced to address questions over a traffic jam at the George Washington Bridge, […]

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Singles and Dating Websites (Part II), A SatireWorld Editorial

Singles and Dating Websites (Part II), A SatireWorld Editorial A SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL Okay, so this is the second part of my “expose” on my experiences with the various websites designed for matchmaking. Once again, I get to embarrass myself with stories of my social ineptitude and romantic failures in finding companionship. I must either love […]

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Singles and Dating Websites (Part I); A SatireWorld Editorial

SINGLES AND DATING WEBSITES A SatireWorld Editorial Okay, I’m a single guy and I’m not really set on being alone for the rest of my life. I’m also not into the bar scene and need a place to meet women. I’m 52 years old, so finding ladies “at school” is out. I’m also the big […]

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Louis Farrakhan Named Grand Marshall For “Eat A Turd For Mohammed Day” New York City Parade

NYC, NY – (SatireWorld.com) Moslem Louis Farrakhan, head of the Nation of Islam, was recently named Grand Marshall for the 2016 New York City “Eat a Turd for Mohammed Day” Parade. The Parade, which will cover the same distance and route as the more famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, is expected to be viewed by […]

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A Mao Tse Sung Christmas in America

America – (SatireWorld.com) A SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL It’s 68 degrees outside, and the only thing on the ground are acorns and pine needles as I reach into the attic cubby to pull out the traditional and universal symbol of the third week in December previously known in another life time as “CHRISTMAS.”

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Ideas for Cooking Your Christmas Dinner

Las Cruces, NM – (SatireWorld.com) Every year, millions of Americans go “over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house” for Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner. Many, however, must stay home and cook the dinner themselves for the first time. This may be because finances do not permit them to travel, gas prices and airline […]

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SatireWorld’s Captain America Fired From Part-time Mall Santa Job

Dingleberry, SC – (SatireWorld.com) At the Dingleberry Regional Mall there was a bit of excitement during the first official day of the holiday shopping season…Mall officials fired Santa Claus!

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Why the Marx Brothers Didn’t Do “Who’s on First?”

Yankee Stadium, NYC – (SatireWorld.com) For many years and a few generations, comedy fans have enjoyed listening to the classic “Who’s on First” routine of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. The comedy pair, known by their last names of Abbott and Costello, performed this routine in movies, on television, on stage, on radio, and in […]

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Scientists Warn Major Earthquake To strike West Coast Soon

Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) A report blames automobiles for the rise in tectonic activity mainly in the Pacific rim, and at various locations along the eastern seaboard of the US. Advisories have been forwarded to the US West Coast in anticipation of the ‘Big One’ which is expected to strike in the next few […]

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