Archive for 'Lead Story'
President Obama Asks Secretary Of State Kerry To Plan State Visit With King Vitamin
US State Department – (SatireWorld.com) In his continuing effort to pander to all of the foreign Heads of State, U.S. President Barack Obama requested that his new Secretary of State John Kerry schedule an official visit with King Vitamin.
Full StoryMan Who Farted In Catholic Church Accused of Using Weapon of “Mass” Destruction
Orlando, FL – (SatireWorld.com) A judge with a sense of humor charged a man with using a weapon of mass destruction during a Catholic church service. The man, Percival Pissgums of Orlando, Florida, was arrested after repeatedly passing gas in St. Anthony’s Cathedral.
Full StoryF.D.A. Refuses To Allow Import of Breakfast Cereal “Dingleberry Nut Crunch” Into U.S.A.
Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com) The Food and Drug Administration issued a release saying that a new breakfast cereal from England, Dingleberry Nut Crunch, will not be allowed to be imported into or sold in the United States. The cereal, which has become a best seller in the British Isles, has a marketing campaign similar to [...]
Full StoryEven With Government in Financial Crisis, Obama Hires New Czars
Washington,DC – (SatireWorld.com) Even with the government in financial crisis, President Barack Obama announced the appointment of several new Czars to work with his cabinet. His Czar posts come with a Washington D.C. office, a $250k per year salary, a secretary (paid), an executive assistant (paid), an intern (paid), a driver (paid), and an expense [...]
Full StoryNew U.S. Ambassador Richard Simmons Wears Pippa Wedding Dress Knock-Off For First Meeting With Queen
London (UK) – (SatireWorld.com) Richard Simmons, the fitness guru who is the new United States Ambassador to England, wore a discount retailer brand knock off of the famous Pippa Middleton Maid of Honour Dress for his first meeting with Queen Elizabeth II. The Ambassador, who also wore pearls and matching white gloves, said that he [...]
Full Story1999′s “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” Film to Get Sequel
Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com) The 1999 black comedy film from Miramax, “Teaching Mrs. Tingle,” will be updated in a 2014 seqeul. The new movie, to be titled “Touching Mr. Tingle,” will not return any of the cast from the original film (Katie Holmes, Helen Mirren, Molly Ringwald, or Jeffrey Tambor).
Full StoryUniversity of Illinois Sued After Rejecting Student’s Master’s Thesis For Political Reasons
Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) The Fighting Illini will take their fight to court. The University of Illinois is being sued by a student in their Masters in Political Science program after they rejected his Master’s Thesis on what he claims are “Political Reasons.”
Full StoryResearchers Learn Sally Hemings Was Really Mrs. Thomas Jefferson and First Black First Lady
Monticello, VA- (SatireWorld.com) Michelle Obama can no longer claim the title of being the first Black First Lady. Historical Researchers have uncovered documents that show Thomas Jefferson actually married his slave Sally Hemings, making her the first Black First Lady. Jefferson, a widower after the death of wife Martha Wayles (died in 1782), was the [...]
Full StoryWith Teleprompter Down, Obama Has To “Wing It” on Turkey Hunting Questions
Lincoln, NE – (SatireWorld.com) In an effort to appear more as an “Everyman” and as a shooter and gun owner, President Barack Obama recently admitted that he likes to go Turkey hunting. The President admitted to being a sportsman to try to deflect criticism that he is anti-hunting, anti-gun, and wants to eliminate the 2nd [...]
Full StoryWhite House Releases Obama’s Selections For 2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom; Hanoi Jane and Madalyn Murray O’Hair Top List
The White House – (SatireWorld.com) In a White House News Conference, a press secretary released the list of Barack Obama’s 2013 selections for the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The award, given since 1963, is the highest civilian honor given in the United States, ranking it with the Congressional Medal of Honor given by Congress to [...]
Full StoryRetired Boston Mailman Clavin Insists He Isn’t Financial Cliff Everyone Keeps Talking About
Boston, MA – SatireWorld.com) Cliff Clavin, a retired United States Postal Worker from Boston, insists that he isn’t the Financial Cliff that everyone keeps talking about. In an interview at his favorite bar, Cheers, he said that he is “tired of everyone accusing me and my small government pension check being accused of bankrupting this [...]
Full StoryNotre Dame Sues NCAA Because One Referee For Football Championship Game Isn’t Catholic
NCAA Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com) The University of Notre Dame has filed a lawsuit against the NCAA because one of the referees (a line judge) scheduled to work in their National Championship Game isn’t Catholic. The University referred to the unwritten rules that state that the NCAA must do everything it can to see that the [...]
Full StoryThe 2013 Gun Grab…Why Sen. Dianne Feinstein is Full of Crap!
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.)—author of the federal “assault weapon” and “large” ammunition magazine ban of 1994-2004—has announced that on the first day of the new Congress—January 3rd— she will introduce a bill to which her 1994 ban will pale by comparison.
Full StoryObama Announces Presidential Order To Make Winter Season Less Denominational
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) President Barack Obama has announced plans to remove Christian domination of the winter season year ending celebration and to make it more non-denominational. Upset that the Christians and their Christmas Holiday celebrations take over the multi-cultural, Obama has issued Presidential orders to change the observance of these days. These politically correct [...]
Full StoryNTSB Rules ‘Wet Farts’ Not Vehicular Accidents
The National Transportation Safety Board has ruled that “Juicy Farts” will not count as vehicular accidents for insurance purposes. In the wording of the ruling, the NTSB stated that “even though having a juicy fart can be called having an accident, it is not the kind of accident that should lead to the filing of [...]
Full StoryIllinois Legislature Declares All Cemeteries In State Can Vote In General Election Except Mormon Cemetery In Nauvoo
Springfield, IL – (SatireWorld.com) The Illinois legislature, in a move backed by the Governor, has announced that residents of all cemeteries but one within the state will be permitted (as usual) to vote in the 2012 General Election. The lone exception to the rule is a cemetery in Nauvoo that was founded by the Mormons [...]
Full StoryUS Issues Warnings For American Women In Missionary Positions in Egypt
Cairo, Egypt – (SatireWorld.com) The U.S. Embassy in Cairo has issued a warning for American females in missionary positions in Egypt, saying they could be targets for terrorists. “The Embassy has credible information suggesting terrorist interest in targeting U.S. females in Egypt,” a message posted on the embassy’s website stated.
Full Story‘Living Crap’ on Respirator After Being Beaten Out of Mugging Victim
Turdville, IL – (SatireWorld.com) On Thursday, Walter Jacobs was mugged after leaving a downtown movie theatre. According to police records, the muggers “beat the living crap” out of Jacobs. That living crap is now on life support at County Medical Center and is not expected to live through the night.
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