Archive for 'Lead Story'

Man Gored At Annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona

Nashville, Tenn – (satireworld.com) One man was recently gored by a bull in the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. The injury was to the buttocks and the man will be okay after minor stitches and recovery.

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Dracula’s Castle For Sale in Transylvania

Transylvania,Romania – (satireworld.com) The famous Dracula’s Castle, the Transylvania landmark once home of Vlad the Impaler and also known as Bran Castle, is up for sale in Romania. The sale price is estimated to be about $150 million in U.S. dollars.

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North Korea’s Kim Jung Un Discovered Safe

North Korea…The Land of Enchantment – (satireworld.com) Kim Jung Un, North Korea’s diminutive dictator, has been discovered safe and sound.  The country’s President for Life had not been seen for several weeks and had international political experts theorizing that his government had been overthrown.

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Minorities Upset About New Cable TV Network: White Entertainment Television (WET)

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station.  White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on over 92% of cable and all satellite systems.  Those systems not yet signed […]

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Popular Local Bar Files Bankruptcy…After 27 Years ‘Ebola’s Lounge and Buffet’ Closing

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) Ebola’s Lounge and Buffet filed Chapter 11 papers early today in order to seek protection from creditors. Owner Abe Ebola, who owned the popular bar and restaurant for 27 years, cited a long-term slump of loyal customer support and the failure of promotional material to lure new customers.

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Tommy Chong to Compete on “Dancing With The Stars”

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com) It was just announced in Hollywood that Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong) is going to be one of the celebrities on the next season of “Dancing With The Stars.” On this show, “B” list celebrities, former reality show stars, and former athletes are paired with professional dancers in a […]

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Glad Wrap To Change Name To Gay Wrap

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com) Glad Wrap, the alternative to Saran Wrap (“Don’t get mad, get Glad”), has decided to change the name of their product to cash in on the current positive publicity that comes from being an “out” homosexual. Beginning at the end of the currently supply run, all new packaging will carry the […]

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Thoughts on Chelsea Clinton

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Some random thoughts on Chelsea Clinton (The former First Daughter whom we could have to put up with as First Daughter again!).

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Jealous and Irate First Lady Michelle Obama Orders Secret Service Detail To Call Her “First MILF”

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) First Lady Michelle Obama reacted negatively to her husband’s presidential order making Nancy Pelosi a MILF. She has ordered the White House staff and her secret service detail to immediately begin calling her “First MILF.” The First Lady is often referred to in Secret Service radio chatter as “F.L.O.T.U.S.” (First Lady […]

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Hillary Clinton Spills Milkshake on Her Lap in McDonald’s Drive Thru Window, Sues For Burns

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State verified her frigid condition to the world with her latest lawsuit. The potential Presidential candidate spilled a twenty-two degree McDonald’s milkshake in her lap and sued the fast food chain because of the burns that she suffered.

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Supreme Court Rules Large Black Athletes Giving Nerdish White Students Wedgies A Hate Crime

The Supreme Court Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) In a world where everything done against a Moslem, Gay, Minority, Mentally Handicapped, or Overweight person can be considered a hate crime, the Supreme Court added a new category to their protected list: nerds. In a 6 to 3 vote, the highest court in the land ruled that […]

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Harry Reid Announces Intentions To Be Hillary Clinton’s Running Mate

Las Vegas, NV – (satireworld.com) Nevada Senator Harry Reid announced that he plans “to campaign really hard” in order to become Hillary Clinton’s running mate if she becomes the nominee of the Democratic Party in the 2016 elections. Reid, who believes that “Hillary can do great things to and for the American people, just like […]

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Surgeon General’s Office Finds Multiple New Problems with Smoking

Provo, UT – (satireworld.com) The Surgeon General’s office released a report today that cigarette smoking contains dangers other than just lung and throat cancer. Dewey Flintlock, official spokesman, said in an interview that these dangers are far reaching. “Have you ever noticed how a smoker will light a cigarette while sitting directly beneath a “no […]

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Obama Issues Presidential Order Declaring Nancy Pelosi a MILF

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) Barack Obama issued his latest presidential order only to have it met by laughter and derision from Republicans, Conservatives, and every straight male in the thinking world. Presidential order 6969FU states that “Due to her diligent service in government, her selfless dedication to the people of her Congressional District, to California, […]

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Qualifications to Date Me!

Las Cruses, NM – (satireworld.com) Knowing that women the world over are interested in dating a superior example of manhood like me, but are not sure of my standards or my true comfort zone, I present:

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Seven; Other Misc. Crap I Couldn’t Fit In Elsewhere)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Seven of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Six; Failure)

Note: This is Part Six of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Five; Fund Raising Activities)

Note: This is Part Five of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System. I called this section “Fund Raising Activities.” It could also be called “Turning Your Children into the […]

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Four; Me and Education)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Four of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System.

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My Annual Rant Against the School System (Part Three; Standardized Testing)

USA – (satireworld.com) Note: This is Part Three of “my two cents worth” about the education system in America. It is not a rant against teachers, but about the overwhelming bureaucracy and waste and stupidity that is the Public School System. I could just write the words worthless, stupid, and wasteful here and end this […]

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The Greatest Motivational Pro-American Speech Ever (and it wasn’t delivered by a politician… and it isn’t politically correct)

On this 4th of July weekend, I think that General George S. Patton said it best:

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S.A.T. Test to Dumb Down Due to Dimwitted Dudes

Seattle, WA – (satireworld.com) Makers of the S.A.T., the P.S.A.T., and the A.C.T. test announced and admitted today that they are dumbing down their tests due to falling scores. Officials at the National Center for Educational Studies, a watchdog group, blame this decline on “the emergence of other priorities into the life of the average […]

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Actress Emma Watson Admits That One Of Her Internet “Fake Nudes” Is Real

London UK – (satireworld.com) British actress Emma Watson, who played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series of films, admitted today that one of her “fake nudes” posted on the internet is actually her. Watson, who is twenty-four years old, is the subject of thousands of photo-shopped nude pictures on the World Wide Web.

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“Anal Seepage” Voted Least Favorite Thing To Discover In A Chair

Las Cruces, NM – (satireworld.com) In a poll conducted by The Harvard Institute of Silly Surveys That Waste Government Money But Provide Work For Tenured Professors, Lazy Students and ACORN Workers, Anal Seepage was voted “The Least Favorite Thing To Find In A Chair.”

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MSNBC Fires Writer For Not Putting Political Slant on News Story

MSNBC Studios, NY – (satireworld.com) Melvin Mitsoe was asked to clean out his desk today at MSNBC. His boss then did the embarrassing job of looking through the cardboard box to make sure that Melvin wasn’t taking home anything that didn’t belong to him. The young reporter, who graduated with honors from the University of […]

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‘Abortion Barbie’ Wendy Davis (D-TX) Pledges Legalized Abortions Even After Full Term Birth

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) Several Wendy Davis for Governor supporters signed a petition on Wednesday demanding lawmakers legalize “fourth trimester” abortions. The petition, which was circulated outside of the Wendy Davis for Governor election center by an undercover SatireWorld reporter. He told Davis supporters the petition was aimed at sending “a message to our lawmakers […]

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MSNBC Announces Date for Sixth Annual “Take Your Barack Obama Blow Up Sex Doll to Work Day”

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) The MSNBC broadcast network has announced that Friday, May 2nd, will be their sixth annual “Take Your Barack Obama Blow Up Sex Doll to Work Day.” Network employee Chris “Tingles” Matthews said “While many companies hold a “Take Your Daughter to Work Day” or “Take Your Child to Work […]

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Actress Kirsten Dunst Breaks From Hollywood Norm, Espouses Traditional Gender Roles

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com) Actress Kirsten Dunst apparently is one Hollywood actress that has the ability to express an opinion that is contrary to the non-traditional, liberal, feminist agenda of her industry. In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK, Dunst said: “”I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to […]

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Obama Orders U.S. Flags to Fly at Half Mast for One Month at Death of Illegal Alien Aunt

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com) It is traditionally an honor reserved for former Presidents of the United States. It has also been used to memorialize tragedies such as 9/11, the Space Shuttle disasters, or the Oklahoma City Bombing. Now, the tradition of lowering the American Flag to half mast will be used to commemorate and remember […]

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Final Watergate Tapes Released to the Public

The Vanna White House – (satireworld.com) In early 1975, President Gerald Ford discovered a box of cassette tapes inside of the box springs in the Presidential Bedroom. The President and First Lady, thinking they might be musical, listened to one of them and learned that they were actually taped conversations from inside of the oval […]

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