by Bargis on 13/01/11 at 5:32 am
New York City-(SatireWorld.com)
As part of liberal ABC’s TV newfound rush to understand the mistreated minorities of the world, an outreach program has been initiated where various clandestine leaders of terror organizatrions have been invited to publically explain the reasons behind their sordid images, and hopefully help install confidence against their waning self-esteem.
On this morning’s episode of the popular TV show ‘The View’ where both studio guests and TV viewer are treated to the usual lame, banal chat, guest Osama Bin Laden helped Whoopie Goldberg and Joy Behar with skin care tips and a chance to promote his latest product offering ‘Desert Skin Care Products…Have the supple face of the Taliban.’
Bin Laden claims his product will make any face look softer and radiant. A secret arab recipe that has been handed down since the 7th century has been copied and packaged for export in the tribal areas of Pakistan.
Since it uses nitroglycerin, PETN, and C-4 as the base, care must be used when applying, claims Bin Laden who applied a chunk to Goldberg’s face after assurances that Whoopie last name wasn’t really jewish after all. He refused to apply any of his secret product on Behr saying she looked too much like a horse with colic, similar to the one he once owned as a child.
Within minutes the crusty yellow mask fell off revealing a much younger and vibrant Whoopie!
Shortly after the show ended, things took a turn for the worse. Upon her departure from the studios, Whoopie flicked her Bic to light a cigarette and her face exploded, maiming a doorman, a hot pretzel vendor, and a kid eating an ice cream cone.
Parts of her trademark round red glasses were found embedded in a mailbox, and her lips were found in Central Park wrapped around a fire hydrant.
Goldberg’s publicist says Whoopie is hospitalized and will recover. “Whoopie is looking forward to her new face, and hopes they can use some of the old,” says Marilyn Godfrey, Whoopie’s assistant.
Bin Laden was last seen chuckling up the sleeve of his desert robe as he rode away in NYC cab.