by captain america on 18/06/12 at 4:03 amToronto, Canada – (SatireWorld.com)
Canadian officials at Toronto International airport were startled when a pint sized intruder burst through an arrival gate shouting ‘Baby, Baby, Baby’ whilst wearing what appeared to be an Italian table cloth from a local take away!
Shortly after the airport was put on lock down and the intruder tackled, but not tasered, it turned out it was none other than 18 year old Canadian Crooner Justin Bieber on hand to meet his diminutive squeeze 19 year old Selena Gomez, back from Bulgaria where she was filming the docu-drama “Roman Polanski, The Dad Who Loved Me.”
Bieber, the testosterone challenged teenager, who is patiently waiting for his testicles to drop and lower his soprano voice a few octaves, explained he had disguised himself in order to avoid fan recognition and the resulting tumult amongst pre pubescent fans in an attempt to surprise Selena with his latest self discovery.
Canadian tabloids had recently revealed the couple had been attempting to consummate their well documented courtship, described as the ‘first blooming of puppy love” but were frustrated by Justin’s ‘arrested development’, a medical term sometimes linked with ‘erectile dysfunction’ a condition usually, but not always, corrected by the age of 13. ( 7 if you’re a budding football player from Nigeria destined for the Premier League.)
Said airport supervisor Reginald Connor, “ that was a close one. Justin doesn’t know how close he came to be sterilized as four of our lads had their fingers on their tasers not knowing if he was a real terrorist or just another threat to the corruption of our youth. Luckily when he tripped over his jeans hanging down of his butt cheeks and the table cloth fell off revealing himself, one of our boys who has a 10 year old daughter instantly knew who he was and was able to avert what could have been an international tragedy bigger than the loss of Michael Jackson!”
During the brief detainment of the pop star whilst the situation was being sorted, Justin confidentially disclosed his rapture which had led to his impetuous actions.
Pointing to his chin he pointed out a lone wispy hair which he claimed had miraculously sprouted ‘overnight’ after what he said was months of testosterone treatments and stem cell injections he had undergone in a private Switzerland Clinic in a effort to ‘find himself.”
Said Justin, “I’m just so excited, I’ll probably have to write another hit song about it” as he burst into impromptu verse encouraged by the security staff who were rapidly being turned into adult fans of the ferret headed prodigal son:
“Woo, Woo, Woo, Babe I got a strange thing goin’ on
This feelin’ must be real as I had to adjust my shorts thinkin’ of you
Woo, Woo, Woo Babe, I’m feeling so stiff as I sense your arrival
After all these months of tryin’ I know release will lead to cryin’
Woo, Woo, Woo Babe, can’t wait to end my dreamin’
Don’t tell no one I left you screamin’
Woo, Woo, Woo Babe, our fantasy about to come true
But We got to decide, who’s on top, me or you
Woo, Woo, Woo Babe , about to conquer my biggest fear,
That I’ll never be able to get a leg up over you
Woo, Woo, Woo Babe”
When last seen the hormonally hyped couple were seen in a lip lock cheered on by thousands of young fans which unfortunately led to a frenzy of teen sex amongst the crowd which was finally brought under control when airport authorities were forced to turn on the sprinkler system.
Woo, Woo, Woo! Them Canadians, Eh?