by Mark Lowton on 11/12/12 at 1:22 pmBeijing, China – (SatireWorld.com)
The Peoples Republic of China recently announced its purchase of an online media outlet located in England through the state-owned media giant officially called the Peoples Rights Influened Communist Klovatron(or PRICK). Reportedly, investors were duped into believing that the past-it’s-prime-site promoted ‘real’ news.
Sources say a sum of several million pounds was paid for the site in a deal that included anmesty for certain writers, stock options, additional writer aliases, and access to underage minors for certain writers whos proclivity toward the toddler set is well known. In recent years the flagging site has been known more for it’s flashy and inane internal metrics and ways to track computerized points than for its content of well written stories that have universal appeal. The media deal closed on Monday sending Chinese media stocks tumbling in heavy selling.
With the sale’s closing and immediate transfer of ownership, the seasoned cadre of Spoof writers were shocked when faced with additional and exorbitant censorship crtieria far and above what has already been considered the heaviest handed editorial department in the business.
In an internal memo, recently promoted People’s Republic Colonel Waan (who’s department was the site’s authoritive arm of prim and proper English verbage), warned of severe and swift retaliation for any writer who leaves or writes derogatory stories about the site or himself in the future.
According to Waan, strict party approved and peer reviewed stories will only be allowed or published when meeting the criteria of several high ranking Spoof censors before approvals are allowed. The use of strict internally sanitized photos are vigourously enforced and must meet Chinese approval.
Additional armed military personnel will be patrolling all message boards, writer forums, and internal messaging attempts by writers. Those caught will be ridiculed, teased, censored, or banned into oblivion without quarter. Those deemed ‘too funny’ and showing off, upsetting the ego driven balance, will be immediately remanded to re-education classes where even more boring and non-humorous soccer stories will be encouraged under the guidance of site censors.
EX-owner Mark Lowton had ‘no comment’ for reporters and is spending the holidays with his partner Stuart Kerr in Bardadoes.