Actor Michael Douglas says “Cunnilingus Gives You Cancer…”

by on 02/06/13 at 4:01 pm

Douglas' wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones says, " I'm sure he got it from licking toilet seats during his drunken binges and not from me!"

A spokesperson for wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones, claims…” Catherine’s snatch is as clean as a whistle, so clean in fact it has a USDA Seal of Approval!”

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Actors are often accused of being irritatingly reticent about their private lives – unwilling to satisfy fans’ and journalists’ curiosity about aspects of their life off the film sets. But that’s not something that can be said of Michael Douglas’ latest interview. Asked whether he ascribed his 2010 throat cancer diagnosis to a lifetime of drinking and smoking, he replied particularly frankly:

“No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

“I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Wife, smoking hot Catherine Zeta-Jones, was unavailable for comment and is in re-hab for a bi-polar ailment, but her personal assistant left word that…”Ms. Zeta-Jones’ snatch is as clean as a whistle, is government inspected, and has a USDA Seal of Approval.”
The spokesperson also denied that the Douglas family will be treating throat cancer patients in the future for free.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re betting it will be a tense time in the Douglas bedroom for some time to come!



One Response to “Actor Michael Douglas says “Cunnilingus Gives You Cancer…””

  1. captain america

    Jun 2nd, 2013

    ….certain white house unmarried, overweight, and pants suited
    appointees are very, very, nervous….

    most are not speaking leading SW reporters to query, “cat got your tongue??”

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