Jets Decide “They Both Suck” and Announce They’ll Start 70 Year Old Joe Namath As Quarterback

by on 26/08/13 at 5:10 pm

Joe Namath, age 70, says he'd love to take a break from reading books about  pencils and get some time back on the gridiron. " I haven't passed much lately except for gas, but I'm sure I can do better than what's on the team now."

Joe Namath, age 70, says he’d love to take a break from reading books about historic pencils and pens and get some time back on the gridiron. “
I haven’t passed much lately except for gas, but I’m sure I can do better than what’s on the team now. That Viagra stuff would be a blessing.”

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

In the words of New York Jets’ coaches: “Mark Sanchez Sucks! Geno Smith sucks! The other rookies in camp suck!”

Frustrated by their inability to find a quarterback, the team announced this morning that they are signing former Super Bowl MVP QB Joe Willie Namath to a five year, $150 million dollar contract. The 70 year old is expected to use the skills that earned him two league MVP awards to revive the fortunes of a team that made the AFC championship game twice in the past few years, but never could get over the hump (and has been slumping due to poor quarterback play).

In addition to receiving $25 million dollars each season, the Jets have also put bonuses in place. Namath will receive unlimited amounts of Viagra, Depend undergarments, Geritol, and Grecian Formula. Additionally, he will get his food cut into small pieces at the training table and will not be expected to play or practice after dark.

Namath was inducted into the NFL’s Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985. HOF officials said that his bust will have to be removed from display as long as he is playing again.

During his career, often on bad Jets teams, Namath threw for more interceptions than touchdowns. Jets spokesman Able Dingleweed said “Yes, but he did throw for over 170 touchdowns. We don’t mind the occasional interception as long as we occasionally get to score.”

As an additional incentive for scoring, Namath will also receive the overnight services of a Jets cheerleader each time he leads the offense to a touchdown. “Why do you think we’re giving him the Viagra?” added Dingleweed.



One Response to “Jets Decide “They Both Suck” and Announce They’ll Start 70 Year Old Joe Namath As Quarterback”

  1. captain america

    Sep 1st, 2013

    ….as Rex always says….”you’ve got to be on your TOES to make it in this league!”

    Gang-Grene should be traded to the Arena league…

    wait to see Namath’s reaction when Silly Cryrus sinks the national anthem and wags her tongue at him….

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