Jessica Simpson To Join FOX News

by on 22/05/14 at 6:22 am

Jessica says her most important job at FOX News is to make fresh coffee and to bend over alot.

Jessica says in addition to talking about newsie items, her most important job at FOX News is to make fresh coffee and to bend over alot.

New York City, NY – (

Fox News announced its summer news lineup and a surprising new co-anchor is being added to the O’Reilly Factor normally broadcast during viewing prime time. The addition of a new and fresh face to the highly viewed Bill O’Reilly show was a surprise to most loyal viewers, but the choice of having news newbie Jessica Simpson as Bill O’Reilly’s co-host brought shock to competing channels like CNN and MSNBC.

Simpson, who made a fortune being a buxom blonde and dating Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo, says she’s excited over her newest professional re-imaging as a reporter for a well known and respected news agency. As far as her qualifications, she claims her blondness, her big tits, and sunny disposition should allow for some very interesting interviews. “Let’s face it. Who’d you think that Vladimir whats-his-name would like to be interviewed by? Me? Or Bill?”

Veteran reporters on rival MSNBC have fired back by hiring Chelsea Clinton who’s push-up bra, nose job, dental caps, and professional hair dressing has given MSNBC a sexual image to play against The Factor. “We discussed having Rosie O’Donnell since like Bill is Irish too, but our $1.5 million dollar budget for a complete make over was way too small,” says producer Elliot Small. “Besides, she’ll have some air time with her new kid and of course we’ll have doting grandma Hillary on every chance we can.”

Small admitted that their first choice was to mandate news host Ed Schultz undergo hormone therapy and wear a short dress in order to save money and to increase viewership from the cross-dressing community.

CNN has taken a different approach and has scheduled more air time to the missing airliner story and a re-cap of Bermuda Triangle mysteries.

3 Responses to “Jessica Simpson To Join FOX News”

  1. E. Williams

    May 22nd, 2014

    Nice article! Good stuff about MSNBC.

  2. captain america

    May 22nd, 2014

    ….did a great job reinventing Tony Romo’s career and stats!

Leave a Reply