by E. Williams on 24/01/15 at 3:20 pm
LOS ANGELES – (satireworld.com)
In light of charges the New England Patriots have been under-inflating footballs to make the balls softer, Charlie Brown has filed suit against that bitch Lucy for doing the same to him since 1973, the year the Thanksgiving episode first aired. Lucy’s publicist is denying the claims and says their client is looking forward to being exonerated in the court system.
“If those footballs have been under-inflated all these years,” Charlie Brown mused, “then they would be lighter, making them easier for her to lift and pull the ball off the ground just before my foot gets to the ball. What we’re trying to figure out is who has been “fixing” the footballs before the show. We have an idea of who it is.”
Before each Charlie Brown Thanksgiving episode, the NFL certifies a football to be used in the show. Someone has been tampering with the ball and Brown’s lawyers think they know who’s behind the plot to make him look the fool each year. Sources close to the case say Schroeder is the prime suspect due to his close ties to Lucy and his being very pissed off at not appearing in the Thanksgiving episode.
Charlie Brown is suing for damages and medical costs resulting from his numerous surgeries and rehabilitation over the years after repeatedly landing hard on his back. That bitch Lucy did not return phone calls for comment.