Breaking News! Charlie Sheen Admits….”My Penis Has Fallen and it Can’t Get Up!”

by on 16/11/15 at 4:44 pm

...sorta like this?

…sorta like this?


Tina Welch, a 22 year old bartender from Las Vegas, said she wore goggles during sex with Sheen

Tina Welch, a 22 year old bartender from Las Vegas, said she wore goggles during sex with Sheen


Enquirer says it so it must be true!

Enquirer says it so it must be true!

Sheen, who's been looking a little-long-at-the-tooth for some years, says living without having sex will be difficult. He admits he was careless in the past but promises he'll wear a condom in the future even when jerking off.

Sheen, who’s been looking a little-long-at-the-tooth for some years, says living without having sex will be difficult. He admits he was careless in the past but promises he’ll wear a condom in the future even when jerking off. Sources say that particular sex act was named after Sheen.

Hollywood,CA – (satireworld.com)

Some are saying Hollywood will never be the same.Especially after Actor Charlie Sheen publicaly admits he’s HIV Positive and ending a week of rampant speculation. Various press reports hinted that the randy actor contracted the dreaded disease years ago and neglected to inform up to 200 consensual sexual partners who are threatened with the disease.

Sources say he’s been treated in secret for some time and is hoping to avoid full blown AIDS which can evolve from being HIV positive which indicates the AIDS virus in is your system. Sheen says he’s surprised at the diagnosis and ‘must’ve contracted the disease from a toilet set while working late’. Others say it’s a result of long-term hard partying and illegal drug use, plus spending late nights screwing anything that had a pulse.

Sheen, who’s screen career spans 30 years, has had a reputation of drug-induced sexual dalliances that have ended at least two marriages, and soured numerous relationships with some of Hollywood’s most desirable women. Today, scared starlets are thronging to physicians to seek testing to see if unprotected sex with Sheen has given them the disease, all in an attempt to protect their image and keep negative test results quiet.

Sheen, who has bragged that he’s slept with over 5,000 women, made a surprise admission on national TV, during which a very sober Sheen admits that for all intensive purposes his “penis has fallen off forever” as any sex with anyone in the near or far future is probably going to be a non-event especially after revealing he has major cooties to the whole world.



2 Responses to “Breaking News! Charlie Sheen Admits….”My Penis Has Fallen and it Can’t Get Up!””

  1. Bargis

    Nov 16th, 2015

    So, that’s what happened to Lady Godiva….

  2. Captain america

    Nov 17th, 2015

    ….and he did tranny’s too? Could be the end of the Kardashian
    Viral desease!

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