by Bargis Tryhol on 13/02/16 at 7:54 am
Coast of Paraguay – (satireworld.com)
Fernando Monte Verde retired a number of years ago from a successful business career and at that time would have never believed he would one day be the envy of every male on the planet! But today Fernando certainly is that man.
Fernando explains,”Two years ago, Dos Equis beer announced a world-wide search for the Most Interesting Man in the World. The requirements were simple. A man of any age, any ethnic background, and having or not having personal wealth wasn’t a pre-requisite to entering the contest.”
Hundreds, if not thousands, of applications and nominations were sent in from every corner of the planet, but one stood out as the most eligible.
The attached photo showed a deeply tanned, mature, silver-haired man with deep, dark blue eyes set under a strong brow-line. A rugged jowl-line framed in the graying beard of an adventurer, gave a further sense of mystery to the man. The photo revealed a strong, determined gaze of a man who knows what he needs and with the personal power to think 3 steps ahead revealing his desire in having those needs filled.
In April Monte Verde was notified that he won the Grand Prize and was awarded $635 million dollars in tax-free cash…Given a motorized sailing yacht, the 200 foot MV Conquest, and a never-empty closet full of handmade clothing from Milan, hand-made jewelry, and custom Italian-made shoes for life.
Today, Fernando is easily recognized in public. His now famous ‘Girls of the World Collection’ is recognized around the globe as he hires and fires the most beautiful women crew members in the world and refers to them simply by their country of origin and date they appeared in various men’s magazines. Today, a topless ‘Columbia 2007’ delivered drinks on a silver tray. Yesterday Canada 2014 polished door silver knobs while topless.
The tailored emblem-crested blue blazer, open white silk shirt with a gold chain across a deeply tanned chest, starched white deck pants and worn looking deck shoes without socks are his ‘official’ uniform when on the prowl.
Some even say expensive French cologne instead of mere mortal blood runs through his veins. Of course, he drinks sweaty-cold Dos Equis beer, or 200 year old tawny Port, and he loves to eat in the world’s most celebrated restaurants, and of course, he never eats or sleeps alone.
Fernando wears the mantle of the World’s Most Interesting Man well, and is sought after by the rich and famous, as well as the less rich and not-so-famous. Each vying to be associated with such a famous person, and eagerly hoping for an invitation to join him on his 200 foot motor yacht the Conquest.
Fernando says he hates politics and hates the thought of debating anyone on silly subjects such as taxes, abortion, national defense and foreign policy…”Foreign policy you say? The best foreign policy I have is never sleep with Damascus 2009 and Tel Aviv 2004 at the same time. Need I say more?”
In 2015 Fernando admits he had a close call when he invited ISIS 2014 for a drink and almost lost his head when she pulled a sword from her vagina. “I must admit I was a tad frazzled at first, but quickly gained my cool and shot her with a .45 caliber dildo I keep around in case the sex gets kinda rough.”
Today, Fernando is sailing to a small port town off the coast of Paraguay in hopes of captivating the hearts of some local women and having his photo taken while he sips on tawny port, smokes a Cohiba cigar and gazes far off into the distance. Everyone is always wondering what he’s thinking about…After all, he’s the World’s Most Interesting Man!
NOTE: Fernando promises to reveal more of his adventures with readers as our reporter follows him on his trek across the world to meet the finest and most desirable people on the planet.