He’s Lost It: Authorities Searching For Glenn Beck’s Mind

by on 20/02/16 at 7:48 am

Lost his mind? Well, I'm sure someone will return it exactly as found...Unused.

Lost his mind? Well, I’m sure someone will return it exactly as found…Unused.

DALLAS – (satireworld.com)

After being reported missing over 24 hours by his wife, authorities have begun a nationwide search for talk radio host Glenn Beck’s mind. Beck is still around, it’s just his mind that is gone.

When asked by law enforcement when he remembered having his mind last, Beck said, “Well, I’ve misplaced it several times in the past, but a few days ago, when I said that Justice Scalia’s death was God’s ways of waking up the American people to vote for Ted Cruz, it was right about that time that I seem to have lost it for good.”

Pictures of Beck’s mind have been plastered on milk cartons, billboards, the FBI’s Most Wanted List, and Boy Scouts are even canvassing neighborhoods coast to coast in search of it, but nobody has reported having any idea about where his sanity has disappeared to.

“I guarantee you that God has a Ted Cruz lawn sign on the grounds just outside the Pearly Gates,” an annoyed Beck said. “I believe He regularly injects himself into American politics. Clearly, eight years of Obama was to punish us for something.”

Psychiatrists say that Beck is what is termed a “functioning talk show host.” He can go about his usual routines and no one would know the difference, but when he opens his mouth about the 2016 election, that’s when people can tell he’s lost his mind.

If Glenn’s mind doesn’t turn up soon, his wife is considering offering a reward for its safe return. But after talking with authorities, she’s also being realistic. “I know on some level that his mind may never be found. Once you start thinking that God took a Supreme Court Justice’s life just so the electorate would wake up to what a disaster a Trump or Hillary presidency would do to America, well, you have to expect the worst.”

One Response to “He’s Lost It: Authorities Searching For Glenn Beck’s Mind”

  1. O'Leg Pee

    Feb 20th, 2016

    The President’s Brain is missing:

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