Glenn Beck Heading to Rehab for Cheetos Addiction

by on 03/05/16 at 6:12 am

"Like I explained my wife right before she punched me....There's nothing like sticking my face into an old bag!"

“Like I explained my wife right before she punched me….There’s nothing like sticking my face into an old bag!”


The first step toward recovery, no matter what the addiction, is admitting you have a problem. Glenn Beck has finally reached rock bottom and agreed to seek professional help for his out-of-control Cheetos habit.

Beck’s admission came just after releasing a video of himself diving face first into a big bowl of crushed up Cheetos, wearing goggles, and rubbing his face in and snorting Cheetos dust. Beck’s face immediately after his hit shows he was high on the orange stuff.


Glenn broke down in orange tears as he described his 10 bag a day habit and his journey to becoming a full blown addict. “I started out binging on powdered Funyuns. I consider Funyuns my gateway snack that lead to snorting other snacks.”

“After a while though, I wasn’t feeling the same effect from Funyuns, and that lead me to Sun Chips,Fritos, Cheez-Its, and finally the hardcore Cheetos. In fact, it was after snorting a bag full of crushedFlamin’ Hot Cheetos one night that I got the idea for my media empire, The Blaze.”

Beck hid his addiction from family and colleagues for years but, after seeing that nobody was buying his excuse of trying to look like Donald Trump and his orange tan, the jig was up.

Beck will be checking into Betty Ford’s Frito Lay Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona where he will receive one-on-one counseling for his addiction from Chester Cheetah himself. Chester may not be the best counselor, but he understands that “It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy.”


Leave a Reply