by Annoying Rash on 28/07/16 at 7:38 am
Philadelphia, PA – (satireworld.com)
Monica Lewinsky will speak at the Democratic National Convention’s Millennial Summit this week, opening up about her experience with cyber-bullying, her past relationship with President Bill Clinton, and how she’s more aligned now with the Libertarian Party now since leaving the Democratic Party in 1999 because of ‘the bad taste it left in her mouth’.
Lewinsky, who joined Twitter ahead of her speaking debut, described how it felt being “the first person to have their reputation completely destroyed worldwide via the Internet by her own stupid sex actions.”
“Staring at the computer screen, I spent the day shouting: ‘Oh my God that was a cigar?’ and ‘I can’t believe he put that in’ or ‘That’s so outrageous that he lit that soggy thing afterward,’” Lewinsky said. “And those were the only thoughts that interrupted a relentless mantra in my head: ‘No wonder I need a nicotine patch now to have an sexual orgasm.’
Lewinski, who’s 41 years old and still single, blames the media for her problems and denies any personal responsibility for placing a sex organ in her mouth while hidden behind a desk in the most powerful office in the world.
Monica, who described herself as chunky-sexy, opened up about her difficulties now living as ‘Monica Lewinski.’
“Can you imagine the embarrassment I’ve gone through? Can you imagine having to eat common things that everyone else eats, like hot dogs, Popsicles, and bananas, while holding a newspaper in front of your face?” Monica shed a tear and dabbed at her face several times.
“Imagine never ever wearing a blue dress again while on a date because the guy gets all weirded-out and stuff!”
Lewinski denies she sued various media over the reference to oral sex as ‘a Lewinski, and also denied she tried to copyright ‘blow job’ as a solely proprietary reference.
Lewinski says she’s glad she left the Democratic party and moved on after the whole Oval Office affair left a bad taste in her mouth.
Lewinski, who is employed as a publicist for the Indian Head Cigar Company, will be speaking at the Hyatt Hotel until the end of the month. For tickets call 1-888-Blow-Job