by Queen of Bedlam on 01/08/16 at 8:09 pm
Beijing, China – (satireworld.com)
Life in the Chinese gay closet was lonely for Choi Lee. No friends. No one to talk to about his problems. Just constant fear of a loud knock on his apartment door late in the evening. In communist China it’s just you and yourself shuttered away from life and reality, afraid the authorities will discover your secrets and take you away somewhere that’s really secret too. Choi Lee first became acquainted with homosexuality after a trip to visit the Philippines where almost 98% of all men are gay. In his own words….”A transformation took place one night in a seedy Manila club!”
Today, the hiding in plain sight changed when Choi Lee was the first to step out of the Beijing close…
Choi Lee is a free man today after coming clean about a secret he’s held to himself for over 18 years. No one, including his ex-girlfriend Chin Fat knew little about his sexual fetishes and the daily routine he practiced in secret….Eating a whole Twinkie cupcake precisely at 2PM!
Everyday since he was 11, Lee has had a glass of whole yak milk and a vanilla-creme filled Twinkie cupcake precisely at 2PM in the afternoon while watching re-runs of Mayberry RFD, an American sitcom from the 1960’s.
By age 15 Lee could fit the whole snack cake into his mouth without chewing and would let it melt away into a delicious slug of cream and dissolved cake slop.
Fearing laughter from his friends, Lee kept his daily practice and his really big secret hidden until last month. At precisely 9 AM on the 3rd he announced on China’s TV-1 that he was gay and his once suppressed homosexual passion was only seconded by his love for Twinkies, the treat so often associated with kids and blue collar worker’s lunchboxes.
Two days later, and massive television commentary by scores of communist pundits, Lee signed a three-year deal with an American executive representing a commercial bakery concern to have his image placed on all Twinkies wrappers, promoting the treat as All-Chinese and Patriotic.
Choi Lee will be paid in Twinkies and a monthly stipend from a third-party source. As part of the advertising deal Lee says he will dance on US television Dancing With The Stars where he will be billed as Twinkie Boi.
Yes, Twinkies in China are now referred to by a Chinese name.. ‘Ho San’s Patriotic Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Dragon Filling!’