Remakes of Once Popular Television Shows To Be Updated Due To Political Correctness

by on 04/09/18 at 7:41 am

As proof of how TV remakes are shaped by changed morals and values, there's a segment where June Cleaver talks about her beaver.

As proof of how TV remakes are shaped by changed morals and values, there’s a segment where June Cleaver talks about her beaver.

When originally broadcast, mentioning your 'cooter' on prime time TV would mean a personal disgrace and zero acting jobs.

When originally broadcast, mentioning your ‘cooter’ on prime time TV would mean a personal disgrace and zero acting jobs.

New York City, NY – (

There is talk of making the next James Bond into a black man.  The latest Battlestar Gallactica changed the gender of several characters (including Starbuck and Boomer).  The new Lost In Space remake has changed the race of one of the Robinson children, the gender of the doctor, and the identity of the pilot.

Hollywood seems unable to remake or reboot an old series or movie without making wholesale changes in the name of Political Correctness.

In line with the above listed changes, the remakes, reboots, and sequels listed below will also be making changes:

The Love Boat: Gopher will become a female (but will not be known as Beaver because that name is too sexist).  The Doctor will no longer be a womanizer, but someone who is “in touch with his feelings” and wants to use holistic medicine on the ship to help to other passengers to reach their inner child.  As the show will air on HBO, there will be at least one male ass shown in pool scenes or love scenes and at least one pair of breasts per episode.  Additionally, at least one of the three love stories each week will focus on a gay love affair.

Gilligan’s Island will become Castaway Island:  The title will change so that the show does not focus on one white, male character.  While Gilligan will still appear on the show, he will no longer be the focus or main character.  Gilligan will continue to be a bumbling buffoon, but will now do it in a way to be ridiculed by the others (as a conservative, moronic, foolish oaf).  His character will be a younger Archie Bunker to be lampooned by all of the other more socially educated characters.  The professor will now be the Dean of Women’s Studies from U.C. Berkley and an avowed feminist (who cannot make a radio out of coconuts).  The Skipper will be a gay male who was kicked out of the navy (and resents it) for violations in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell era.  Mary Ann and Ginger will be lesbian hutmates.  The Howell’s will represent the 1% and will face an enlightening incident in every episode.

The Andy Griffith Show is now the Angie Griffith Show.  Female fighter Rhonda Rousey will play a sheriff of a small town who fights crime with her fists (and not with words and folksy attitude).  She will be the single mother of Ollie, an overweight daughter who is picked on for her size (causing her mother to have to take matters into her own hands to teach the bullies a lesson).  Nothing will change about the Barney Fife character as this is a weak male figure (currently popular in Hollywood).  Characters will no longer hang out at Floyd’s Barber Shop, but instead at Floyd’s Internet Café and Vape Shop.  Aunt Bee (who was formerly Uncle Ben) and is a cross dresser who helps take care of Angie and Ollie.

Dragnet:  Instead of showing Friday and Gannon and other members of the Los Angeles Police Department as heroes who protect and serve, this show will portray their penchant for police brutality against minorities, gays, women, and the poor.  They will be shown to be “on the take” and facilitating crime (never performed by minorities) to “hold the black man down.”

The Brady Bunch: The father of three sons marries the father of three daughters.  Mayhem ensues.  Greg is a drug addict.  Marcia is the campus trollop.  Peter is sexually molesting Cindy.  Jan is a bull dyke.  Bobby is suicidal and tries to kill himself weekly.  Sam the Butcher is actually a mass murderer who is burying his bodies in the back yard (with the help of family dog Tiger).  Alicia the maid, while a stereotype Hispanic maid, is the comic relief on the show (and is alternately sleeping with Greg and Jan, who are not aware of the other’s affair with Alicia).

Different Strokes:  This show will actually air on the Learning Channel.  A man, his daughter, and his two adopted sons will teach different forms and styles of male and female masturbation each week.

Gunsmoke:  This show will focus on the evils of gun possession in the Dodge City and the Old West.  Marshall Dillon and Festus, armed only with handcuffs, attempt to bring peace to a wild land overrun by Republicans and the NRA.  Miss Kitty, formerly a saloon owner, will now be the “Hooker with a Heart of Gold” who catches Matt’s eye and heart.  Doc will be an expert in removing bullets (to save innocent victims of drive by shootings) and curing venereal diseases.

The Six Million Dollar Man will become The Six Billion Dollar Man:  This show will air on the Playboy channel.  In addition to his bionic arm, legs, and eye, Colonel Austin will now have a fifteen inch bionic penis.  The show, to be set in the swinging 70’s, will feature a plethora of naked and semi naked beauties on each episode.  Full frontal male nudity will be permitted as the “tool of use” is robotic (and not human).  Jamie Summers, the Bionic Woman with a bionic breasts and vagina, will make frequent guest starring appearances and may spin off into a sequel.

All shows are expected to be mid-season replacements and should begin airing in December and January.

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