Kim Kardashian Selected By Celebrity Panel as Least Talented Person in America

by on 06/09/18 at 8:38 am

Sofia would've come in first, but she refused to take her top off

Sofia would’ve come in first, but she refused to take her top off

Kim Kardashian;s most popular performance is leaving ass imprints on dusty chairs. Some she actually autographs!

Kim Kardashian’s most popular performance is leaving ass imprints on dusty chairs. Some she actually autographs!

Bargis Tryhol made the list as .....'The Sexiest Man in the Universe!'

Bargis Tryhol made the list as …..’The Sexiest Man in the Universe!’

Hollywood,CA – (satireworld.com)

Kim Kardiashian (a.k.a. Kim Kartrashian) was recently selected by a Hollywood celebrity panel as being the Least Talented Person in America.  This was the sixth straight win for Kim, breaking the previous record set by Paris Hilton.  The highest placed male in the contest was Ryan Seacrest, who came in second for the thirteenth straight year.

The top ten (or bottom ten, depending on how you wish to look at it) included:

  1. Kim Kardashian (and she didn’t have to sleep with anyone to win this award!)
  2. Ryan Seacrest (who did receive his eighteenth consecutive award for being the most annoying person in Hollywood)
  3. Everyone else named Kardashian or Jenner
  4. Sophia Vergara (enormous breasts does not equal enormous talent)
  5. Tyra Banks
  6. Matthew Broderick (who has made a career with one facial expression)
  7. Keanu Reeves (whose only facial expression is one of stoned bewilderment)
  8. The male action movie stars (Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Arnie, etc.)
  9. Jack Black (who was projected to be third before his only mildly annoying performance in the recent Jumanji reboot)
  10. The California women in Congress (Maxine Waters, Dianne Feinstein, and Nancy Pelosi)

An honorable mention was given to former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle, who was unable to appear on stage due to being in jail for multiple charges.

Celebrity judges (from the school of “it takes one to know one”) for the event included Randy “Yo Yo Yo Dawg” Jackson (who could have been a contestant if not for his time with Journey), Vanna White (who at least knows the alphabet), Polly Holiday (who did make people laugh the first time she said “Kiss My Grits” on Alice), Nick Cannon (who has had some talent rub off on him just by being married to Mariah Carey for over eight years), Audrey and Judy Landers (former runner ups on the show and former Hollywood bimbos), Jill Whelan (who was excused from being a bad child actress on The Love Boat, but also grew up to be a bad actress in everything else), and the Darryl’s from Newhart (who didn’t have much to say at the competition).

This year’s Hall of Fame group award went to the teenage cast of The Facts of Life, who still could not act their way out of a wet paper sack (and none of whom would ever fit in a paper sack).  The individual Hall of Fame award was presented to Suzanne Somers of Three’s Company fame.  Though nominated for the individual Hall of Fame award for the twentieth consecutive year, Clint Howard did not win.  Experts point to his brother Ron not producing the show for his lack of being included.  The group runner-up was the female Bimbo cast (not the female singers or Minnie Pearl) of Hee Haw.

First place prize included your choice of either acting or singing lessons from the beautiful downtown Burbank Community College.



4 Responses to “Kim Kardashian Selected By Celebrity Panel as Least Talented Person in America”

  1. Oleg P

    Sep 6th, 2018

    That Ivanka Manafort a close second IMHO

  2. Jalapenoman

    Sep 6th, 2018

    Hollywood, not Washington! That is a different list. Write that story if you want.

    • Oleg P

      Sep 7th, 2018

      Recall your ‘Ivanaphuque’ stories, another time and another place

      • Jalapenoman

        Sep 8th, 2018

        Ivana Phuque… the Olympic champion pole vaulter and speed skater… I wonder what she is up to these days?

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