Famous Olympic Gold Medalist To Sell His Penis On Online Bidding Site

by on 25/04/15 at 4:20 pm

Spoof editor Mark Lowton gives the 'all's well' sign after submitting what he feels is the top bid.

Spoof editor Mark Lowton gives the ‘all’s well’ sign after submitting what he feels is the top bid.


Huma Weiner, who's suspected of being a blind bidder for Hillary Clinton, shows her surprise at the bidding prices so far.

Huma Weiner, who’s suspected of being a blind bidder for Hillary Clinton, shows her surprise at the bidding prices so far.

Doctors at Vine Street Clinic and Quick-E Vasectomy bone up on the expected surgery which many feel will be a media circus.

Doctors at Vine Street Clinic and Quick-E Vasectomy bone up on the expected surgery which many feel will be a media circus.

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)

Promised as ‘only used three times and polished alot’ a fully functional male penis is to be auctioned off on a popular online bidding site starting the first of the month.

The highest bidder will be able to claim his or her prize immediately after trans-sexual surgery in which the offending male member will be removed and attached to whoever wins the auctioned penis described as ordinary and rather smallish. The winning bid is expected to be in the high six figures.

The seller, an Olympic gold medalist who wishes to remain anonymous, will also include one of the Olympic track and field gold medals for the Broad Jump Event as he claims he won’t be needing it any longer as he won’t jumping many broads in the future if all goes well during the surgery.

Surgeons have refused to admit if there was a donated vagina to be inserted in place of where the athlete’s ding-dong was once attached, but hinted that they probably would make one out of a plastic device similar to a zip lock baggie and some surgical techniques using something similar to silly string and some hidden springs.

At a recent nationally televised special where the athlete finally admitted he was feeling more ‘she than he’and finally put to rest the public’s ongoing speculation of him becoming a transgender person.

Contrary to media speculation, his famous TV family denied the transformation all along saying ‘just because he let his hair grow long, had lip and cheek implants, increased his man-boob size to a ‘C’ cup, and started to wear women’s clothing didn’t mean he was crossing over to the dark side.’ Today we know different.

The family also denied reports that they were throwing a big party in honor of ‘Dad finally going dickless,’ but said they’d just have some cake and coffee once the new she got back home.

When asked about the removal and disposition of his testicles during the sex-change operation, he candidly revealed that they were ‘spoken for’ and a undisclosed recipient was having them shipped on ice to a secret location in Washington, DC for immediate transplant. Reportedly, the scrotum and testes are to be dyed blondish so they won’t be noticeable.



2 Responses to “Famous Olympic Gold Medalist To Sell His Penis On Online Bidding Site”

  1. Captain america

    Apr 25th, 2015

    White dicks matter!

  2. O Leg Pee

    Apr 25th, 2015

    Hold the front page: Mystery man born with ‘albino’ dick turns out to be Barry O…

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