by Throckmorton P. Turdblossom on 08/06/12 at 4:13 amDear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Sir
Last week, we got us a satellite dish at our cabin. It’s the first time we ever done had television in our house ever.
We’ve enjoyed watching some really good shows like Hee Haw and The Andy Griffith Show. There is other programs what sorta got us all confused.
There’s this channel called MTV where a bunch of colored fellers who forgot their belts were rhyming and spitting at the same time. I done thought it was some kind a’ spittin’ contest or a fit, but they said it was rap music. They also said that these guys made millions of dollars singin’ ’bout doing disrespectful things to women, killin’ cops, and being with a bunch of other fellers in their gangs.
Back when I was 14 years old and in the third grade, I was writting poems that had better rhymes and wasn’t as awful. I can also pick out better tunes on my guitar and ain’t gotta spit ‘lessen I got a mouth full a’ chaw.
If’n I go down to the roadhouse after I get done with my chores and git up on stage and sing songs like these guys, can I make me a ton of money? I know I wouldn’t be no good at it either, but it don’t take much talent to do what those fellers do.
It ain’t really an honest living doing something that is that bad, but there are good things I could do for my folks with the money.
Billy Joe Jim Bob Darryl Lamont, Tennessee
Dear Billy Joe Jim Bob,
There is some real significant problems with you being a famous rap singer:
- You pull up your pants
- You are white
- You know how to work for a living
- You know the difference between honest and dishonest work
- You know how to be respectful of others (women and the law)
- You know that those rhymes sound awful
- You can apparently recognize talent and know who does and doesn’t have it
- You want to spend money helping your family
Nope, you’d never be successful as a rapper or as a Democrat. You’d probably end up being a good, honest, Christian, working man and raising an decent family.
Today’s Observation From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: People make fun of folks who ask “do you want fries with that.” However, they really are working for their food! If you got a guy on the street corner with a “will work for food” sign and another who is selling newspapers, the guy who is actually working is the one who gets my dollar (even if I already have a copy of today’s paper).