Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
by Throckmorton P. Turdblossom on 11/07/12 at 8:09 am
Cell phones are wonderful, but it’s the idiots who use them while driving that drives people crazy!
I am stuck in traffic on the freeway during rush hour just north of Atlanta and I gotta use the bathroom. Is there a good place around here to take a dump and not lose my spot in the traffic line?
(E-mailed from my I phone in traffic)
Hurley J. Nitwit
Dear Hurley,
Well, I got yer letter before the 4th of July holiday, but decided to wait until after the weekend to answer you. I hope you ain’t been full of crap since then. If you have, it serves you right for sending such a question in to a daily advice column.
If’n you done had an accident, I hope other drivers and cars were not involved!
Anyhow, I ain’t never been on the freeways in the Atlanta area, so I can’t rightly tell you how and where to get off and take a dump. My advice is to generally do this before you leave work (especially if you are still on the clock, so you can get paid to do your business at your place of business).
Dumbass
TPT
Today’s Observation From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: I had to get me one of those new fangled cell phones and it already feels like a leash around my neck. I told the lady at the sales counter that I wanted one that worked as a phone, and only a phone. I didn’t want to send or receive text messages or e-mails or play games or take pictures or take videos or check sports scores or other stuff on the internet or have a daily planner or any of that kind of stuff. I just wanted a phone. She told me that they ain’t made cell phones like that in about ten years and called me a dinosaur and a technophobe.
Let’s Hear It!