Throckmorton P. Turdblossom’s ‘Country Boy Advice Column’

by on 01/06/14 at 9:04 am

Dukes of Hazard re-runs were almost as c rappy  as the runs Pappy Jones has after eating chitlins and rhubarb

Dukes of Hazard re-runs were almost as crappy as the re-runs Pappy Jones has after eating Granny’s three-day-old chitlins and rhubarb

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

We was driving outside of the town of Toad Suck, Arkansas and we seen a really funny sight.  We’re even sending you the picture.  It’s an outhouse with a satellite dish on the roof.

Any idea what’s up with this?

Burt Holesum  Memphis, Tennessee

Dear Burt, 

I once heard this old joke about something like that.  I’ll share it before I give you my answer.  I first heard this one about 40 years ago before they had satellite dishes, so you’ll understand why it has television antennas.

It seems that a mailman who had worked the same route for thirty years was driving along one day and saw that old Farmer John had put up a tv antenna on his outhouse (a two-holer).  He stopped, knocked on the door, and just had to ask what was going on.  Farmer John answered the door and told him that it didn’t have anything to do with his wife not missing a minute of her soap operas or him and his need to see every second of the Texas Longhorn games.  He said that he had put in some indoor plumbing, and so he rented out the outhouse to a poor midget family for a place to live.

The mailman understood the story and went on with his route.  The next week, he drove by and saw two tv antennas on the outhouse.  He went up, knocked on the door, and asked Farmer John how a poor family could afford two tv sets.

Farmer John just smiled understandingly and said “well, they sub-let the basement to Aggie.”

Well, that’s the joke, but I am think this time that the truth this time is a variation on that old joke.  I’m pretty sure that the owners of the outhouse turned the basement into their movie room… and that they are probably community organizers!

The basement’s smell shouldn’t bother them cuz they are all used to shoveling and spreading and talking and stepping in shit!


Today’s Observation From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom:  There’s this small village called “Pie Town” in western New Mexico.  Every year, on the second Saturday in September, they have the Pie Town Pie Festival.  That sounds better than any squash festival or tomato festival or pumpkin festival or any other kind of food festival I’ve ever heard of!  I am going and can’t decide if my first piece is going to be strawberry-rhubarb or pecan or lemon meringue or Dutch apple or sour cream apple or……

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