Throckmorton P. Turdblossom ‘The Country Boy Advice Column’

by on 20/07/14 at 9:00 am

Well, better late than never

Well, better late than never but thanks fer yer wedding photo…Yes sir, that dog is a lucky man!

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom.

My wife is pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl).  We are still trying to figure out what to name them.

My sister Ethyl thinks that we ought to do what Daddy did and name them after things in my work (I run a hamburger and hot dog stand).  My other sisters (Premium, Regular, and Unleaded) don’t like that idea.

What do you think?

Hi-Test Johnson  Beaumont, Mississippi

Dear Hi-Test,

You could name the boy Big Mac or Footlong or even Whopper (all of which would help him seriously with his dating), but there ain’t many other good names in your business.  Stay away from Limp Lettuce for the same reason.

I would avoid for your daughter:

  1. Fresh Buns (or soft buns or split buns or toasted buns or seedy buns or even hot buns)
  2. pickle chips
  3. Firm Tomatoes (of course, this could be okay for the girl, unless she ends up flat chested or with saggy boobs)
  4. Onion
  5. Salty Fries
  6. Sprite (though this would work if she was small and kind of cute)

Sorry, but I ain’t much help with this one. I gave my kids normal, human being names (not like you or them Hollywood folks or old 60’s hippies).


Today’s Observation from Throckmorton P. Turdblossom:  I watched sooooo many college football games at the same time this weekend that I wore out two sets of batteries on the remote and the cushions on my Lazy-Boy recliner.  That Energizer Bunny crapped out long before Clemson and Georgia ever got started!

One Response to “Throckmorton P. Turdblossom ‘The Country Boy Advice Column’”

  1. Captain america

    Jul 20th, 2014

    ,,,,now a quick change oil emporium we could help you with:

    dip stick
    grease spot
    wing nut
    AC (not DC)
    mud flap
    short circuit
    Duct Tape
    Recall (my favorite GM snippet which kills me)

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